


Stark's Anatomy

by tonysangels



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Bisexual Natasha Romanoff, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bisexual Tony Stark, F/F, F/M, Grey's Anatomy but for the avengers, Lesbian Carol Danvers, M/M, Multi, Soulmate AU, SteveTony, everyone is hot for tony stark, steve rogers is just a baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2020-05-12 10:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 44,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19227652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonysangels/pseuds/tonysangels
Summary: Fresh out of Ivy League universities, Steve Rogers is an intern beginning his surgical residency at a prestigious hospital. He's prepared for this for years, and while saving lives is always complicated, his experience is complicated by more than just dying patients and fighting for surgeries. A drunken one-night-stand turns out to be a world-renowned surgeon...and his boss.





	1. It's a Beautiful Day to Run Into Your One-Night Stand

The morning of his first day as a doctor, a real, full-fledged, shiny-white-lab-coat-wearing doctor, Steve woke with a headache that paled in comparison to any of his previous hangovers. He groaned as he turned over in his bed and away from the brightness of the sunrise that came through the window. He opened his eyes for a moment and fell to the ground in surprise to see a stranger sleeping right beside him.

_Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit holy shit holy shit—_

_Retrace your steps, Rogers._

The blond peeked over the edge of the bed, grateful that the man beside him was still asleep. Knocked out with his mouth slightly agape, he looked so peaceful. Short but lush strands of dark, slightly salt-and-peppered hair, the longest lashes he'd ever seen, perfectly groomed facial hair; he was a goddamn model.

Damn. Steve really got lucky his first night back in Chicago.

Steve sat back down on the floor. What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to wake him up? Should he kick him out? Should he make him breakfast? Did he even have his phone number? He's a fucking Calvin Klein model, and if Steve remembered last night correctly, he wouldn't mind asking him for another drink tonight. And tomorrow night. And maybe the night after that.

Shit. What the hell was he supposed to do?

Finally he stood up, carefully sneaking out of the bedroom to get into the shower. The young doctor couldn't help but take another look at him, admiring the toned muscles that lay exposed. Just remembering how the man's skin felt under his fingertips was last night was enough to make him drool.

But it was his first day at work. His first grown up thing. Medical school was a trial run, just a bunch of scalpel-hungry children with stethoscopes around their necks playing dress up. Today was an actual day. With actual patients. He prayed to some being up in the heavens, begging for a good day.

Steve Rogers had graduated from the top of his class. Shadowing medical professionals and doctors since he was a teenager. Excellent grades, a fine student. Plenty of research conducted in both in undergrad and graduate careers. Medicine had become part of him. He didn't like to boast, but he was good. He was focused. He was _definitely_ not the guy who brought home hot strangers the night before the biggest day of his life.

A hot stranger. An extremely hot stranger, who was so far out of his league and someone he'd never see again. Last night was still foggy, but he'd be lying if he told himself he wasn't curious to see what another night with the man would entail.

He turned on the shower, dousing himself in cold water. He needed to focus.

By the time Steve finished, he heard some rustling in the bedroom. Goddammit. He'd been hoping the model would just sneak out in the time he was gone, like any other late-night hookup was supposed to do (not like he'd know what late-night hookups do). He took a deep breath, facing the still nameless man that stood before him.

Mr. Calvin Klein only got prettier when he smiled. He was in the middle of getting dressed, buttoning a navy blue shirt. Steve found himself getting flustered upon remembering how difficult it was to unbutton that damn shirt. Buttons are way harder to undo when you're piss-drunk.

"Uh, good morning." There was a bit of a sheepish smile on his face, as if he was a bit embarrassed to be found half-dressed in a stranger's room. As if he had any reason to be embarrassed, looking perfect enough to go shoot a commercial or another underwear ad after a drunken encounter with someone he didn't know.

"Hi." Steve shifted around, wishing he wasn't clad in only a towel with dripping wet hair. "I, uh...hi."

The brunet smiled affectionately. "I'm guessing you don't really do this sort of thing."

"I don't, uh...I don't." He felt so goddamn stupid. Suddenly he was nineteen again, the same weird embarrassment and fear of trying to talk to guys, he felt like a child. The smile on the man's face only fueled the embarrassment. He was a goddamn doctor, for God's sake, and he suddenly forgot the entire English language.

"I can whip you up some breakfast for your troubles," The man continued, hoping to break the ice. "A little thank you, for uh...a nice night."

" _Don't_." The word slipped out so abruptly and seeing the twinge of sadness in the brunet's eyes only made him feel worse. "I-I'm sorry. I'm going to be late for work. First day. I just...can't. Sorry."

The fleeting dejected expression was quickly masked by another charming smile. "I totally understand. Don't want to make a bad impression."

Steve nodded quickly, grateful that the grueling and awkward conversation was finally over. "Thank you. It was nice to meet you, um..."

He held out his hand. "Tony."

"Steve." The handshake lingered for a moment before the newly named stranger was heading out the door.

Steve flopped onto the bed, groaning as he hid under the covers.

Idiotic. _Completely_ stupid.

No phone number, not even a last name. Just Tony, the ridiculously gorgeous guy at the bar.

* * *

Steve liked routine. He normally would have fixed himself a cup of coffee and some eggs and toast for a real breakfast, but the damn underwear model made him sleep in. Now, there was only time for a quick sip of coffee and a bite out of a granola bar. He'd have to eat at the hospital.

Thankfully, the hospital was close enough for him to walk to. He had missed Chicago. His undergrad and medical school career had sent him out to the east coast. He liked it at first, liked the change of pace, the atmosphere. During his undergrad, the initial hype of New York City had eventually faded away. Sure, it was exciting, so many people to see and to meet, but it was the same tourists and the same bustle and sleepless city. Medical school had taken him to Philly, which was far too quiet. It was a city without all the noise of one; he was surprised to find that the city actually went to sleep. The nightlife could be fun if you knew where to go, but it was a calm city. Good for his medical school years, but far too boring. Chicago was where his heart was.

So, despite his nerves, he felt better walking the streets of his hometown and going to work. There was finally that feeling of being an adult, like someone who actually was going to pay bills, maybe settle down after the first few years of residency. After all those years of being a student, he was going to be a person with a real job.

And that was downright horrifying.

* * *

The intern locker room was crowded but oddly quiet. People were mingling, catching up after last night's mixer—an attempt for the attendings, residents, and interns to get to know each other—but other than that, there was a weird silence. Some tried to hide their fear, others didn't; it was their first day as doctors. The thought alone actually made Steve nervous.

He was never nervous. He wasn't nervous when he met the doctor he first shadowed when he was a teenager. He wasn't nervous when it came to examining cadavers and having to cut them open. He wasn't nervous when it came to putting a needle in someone's arm for the first time—everything usually came naturally to him when it came to medicine. However, the only thing he can think about is actually putting the stethoscope to someone's chest and worrying about if he could tell the difference between a heart murmur or if he just couldn't hear the patient's heart.

The mixer was supposed to help. He hung out with some of the interns, mingling and taking a sip of the champagne if things got awkward. Last week, the nerves got the best of him when his mother had sent him a text: "good luck saving lives next week!"

Saving lives. Actual, human, _breathing_ lives. Things were so much easier in medical school. Now there were human lives on the line. People with families, people who mean something to someone else. His mom got him all worked up in six words.

One of the interns last night was boasting on all the surgeries they got to witness during their medical school career. Her dark red hair matched her fiery passion for medicine, and it made Steve feel queasy. Surgery didn't scare him, but somehow, hearing this woman go on about someone's chest wide open, it made him sick. How the hell were they allowed to do this to people? Opening chests? Why couldn't he have stuck to internal medicine with the other physicians?

Still, he had faked a laugh with the rest of the interns, taking an extra long sip of the champagne to calm his nerves. It wasn't enough.

Those same interns invited him to the bar that night after the party, and while he wanted to, he didn't want to be distracted. They insisted it would only be a few drinks, but Steve waved them off, smiling and reassuring them he'd see them the next day, only he'd be the one without a headache.

Oh, how he regretted his decision.

If he had been with them, he probably wouldn't have taken shots to ease his nerves since he was alone. He wouldn't have been alone in his thoughts, secretly terrified of killing a patient because it felt like everything he'd ever learned was leaking out of his ears. He wouldn't have been distracted and taken a a gorgeous stranger back to his apartment, and he wouldn't be dreaming of another night with that same gorgeous stranger.

Steve's day dreaming was interrupted by the same redhead from last night. She nudged him a little and smiled. "Hey. Rounds are soon. They're assigning residents."

Another intern sat beside him, already donning the blue scrubs and the white coat. Her golden hair fell down in ringlets from her pony tail. A purple stethoscope hung around her neck.

"Missed you at the bar last night," She said, adjusting her coat, "we saw you, but it got really crowded. Did you get out okay?"

He really hated how hungover he was. She seemed so warm and genuinely concerned, but he couldn't remember anyone's name and the headache wasn't helping. He pushed another fake smile. "I did, thanks."

"Get lucky, pal?" A man his age clapped his shoulder. Army tags hung around his neck. "I saw you running out of that bar. I hope you had a good time."

The women beside them started giggling and whispering. Immediately, Steve's face was hot. He cleared his throat and quickly changed into scrubs. The women couldn't help but notice the hickeys on his back and chest. The man beside him whistled, the women hushed him but couldn't stop their own laughter. Their teasing was interrupted by one of the residents reading names out loud. Several names were called before Steve heard his.

"Rogers, Barnes, Carter, and Romanoff, you're with Dr. Wilson." The doctor clicked her pen. "Everyone better be dressed. Meet your residents, and try to keep up, people."

Army Tags, Purple Stethoscope and Redhead were in his group. Thank God for some familiar faces. Dr. Wilson nodded curtly before giving them their pagers.

"My name is Dr. Samuel Wilson. If you listen to me and follow my rules, you'll make fine surgeons. If you don't, you'll be out of here in a week." He continued his charting before looking up again, like he'd clearly given his speech dozens of times. "Answer your pages when nurses or other attendings page you. And you better get there in time so the patient doesn't die. Your first shift here is forty-eight hours; do as you're told, then sleep when you can. Speaking of which, if I'm sleeping, don't wake me unless your patient is dying. That patient better be alive when I get there. Questions?"

Nobody dared to raise their hand. That question seemed more rhetorical than anything else. Dr. Wilson did not seem to be in the mood for actual questions or concerns. Instead, the interns wordlessly followed him for a quick tour of the hospital.

Steve could barely focus. He was supposed to be listening to Dr. Wilson so he wouldn't be a lost moron when he finally needed to bring someone for a CT scan, but he could only think of Tony. He should've asked for a name. Even a last name. Or a number. How was he living in the 21st century without asking someone for their damn phone number?

He was not this person. Not the person to pine and wonder about someone he'd just met. Steve wasn't much for one night stands; he always had long term partners. At least, up until medical school. His partners just didn't seem to understand him—medicine was going to come first. He needed to be on the top of his game.

His last partner wanted to understand. She was in grad school, he was in the thick of his third year of medical school. They both knew how difficult graduate education could be, but even then, it didn't work out. Steve pretended not to care—he didn't need a boyfriend or girlfriend to survive—but still, it'd be nice if something like that worked out. That someone would understand what he's going through, and what he's going to be going through for the next few years. That someone could lay down in bed with him after hours of studying. If only.

The tour was interrupted by Dr. Wilson's pager followed by the rest of the interns pagers. Panic rose in Steve's chest, and before he could calm himself, they were running to the emergency room.

A young teenage girl was seizing violently in the gurney, with the paramedics listing off her vitals to Dr. Wilson. Steve's head was suddenly cloudy, like he forgot what medicine was; it sounded like a foreign language in his mind.

Dr. Wilson barked something at him, and though Steve knew it wasn't personal, that it was because this girl needed help, it only added to his anxiety. He pulled out whatever was needed from the cart, paged more nurses for medications, and soon, the seizing ceased. Dr. Wilson finally took a breath.

"Page Dr. Anthony Stark from neuro," Dr. Wilson began, "and, uh...Rogers. Take...let's see here...Katie Stevens...to get a CT."

Great. _Fucking great_. Of course he's the one sent for a CT scan. The only damn intern who wasn't paying attention and daydreaming about a one night stand.

* * *

"You're lost."

Steve gritted his teeth. "This is a big hospital, that's all."

The teenager clicked her tongue and examined her nails. "You're lost. I'm going to die in this hospital because a cute but stupid doctor couldn't get me to get my scans. I'm supposed to be at a competition right now."

"I'm not stupid, we'll get your scans," Steve replied, hoping that speaking the words into existence would make it happen. Of all the days not to pay attention, it was with a girl with a serious medical condition that could send her seizing any minute. "Competition for what?"

"I'm a _cheerleader_ ," Katie explained with a huff, "I can't help our team win if I'm not there. I'm the flyer."

"Sounds like your teammates better work on catching you better if you're going to win, huh?"

She pouted in response, folding her arms together. Steve smirked and patted her shoulder. "I'm only joking, kid. We'll get you fixed up so you can cheer your heart out."

They passed a nursing station yet again, and Katie groaned. Taking pity on the lost intern, one of the nurses called to Steve.

"Hey. Dr. Blondie."

Steve grimaced. "I'm assuming you're talking to me."

The nurse smiled. "Radiology is on the fourth floor, honey. When you get off the elevator, turn left."

Relief washed over Steve. He thanked her profusely before quickly hopping onto an elevator. Katie giggled to herself.

"Dr. Blondie. That's really cute, actually."

"It's Dr. Rogers."

"Whatever you say, Dr. Blondie."

The radiologist looked impatient, but fortunately, there was no lecture on waiting around. Steve was just happy that Dr. Wilson wasn't around to chew his ass out. Once the scans were taken, Steve took the complaining teenager back to her room.

"I need to see the competition," Katie insisted, "I need you to help me work these damn TVs."

Steve chuckled as he connected her back to the monitors. "I graduated from Harvard, and I went to University of Pennsylvania," Steve began, "and you're asking me to figure out your TV?"

There was a tired look on her face for a moment, and her eyes fluttered to a close. Immediately, her body shook violently.

_Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck—_

"I need help!" Steve called out. His knees were shaking as he ran through the list of medications in his mind that would help. "I need... I need phenobarbital. Keppra. L-lorazepam."

The nurses injected the medications into the IV. No response, and Katie continued seizing in the bed with no signs of stopping. Soon after, her monitor beeped incessantly. Flat line. The real life, earth-shattering sound of a flat-lining patient. Usually the sound didn't scare him, usually he was quick to jump in and pretend he was a superhero. He'd been playing doctor since he was a child. It wasn't a game anymore. 

"Dr. Rogers, she's loaded on all the medications, you need to call a code," A nurse reminded him, "We've paged Stark, but you need to run a code."

Steve nodded wordlessly, feeling nauseous as he held the crash cart paddles in his hand. Eventually, words came out of his mouth, telling someone to charge the paddles, but it didn't sound like him. Somehow, his hands moved over the girl's chest, watching her chest rise with the shock. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion, like he was just a puppet watching everything happen around him. Finally, a steady heart rate brought Steve back to Earth.

He sat down in the chair next to Katie, trying to catch his breath and stop himself from vomiting whatever alcohol and coffee that was in his stomach. The nurses told him something about Dr. Stark arriving soon, and her vitals were stable for now.

Katie stirred a little and reached out to Steve weakly. "Thanks for not killing me, Dr. Blondie."

"Told you I'd get you out of here alive." He rested a hand on hers. Her skin was still warm. He kept her alive.

Geez. He was just a kid playing dress up. He should not be allowed to do this. Steve let his eyes close for just a moment. Just as his own heart rate settled down, there was a gentle knock on the door. 

"Katie Stevens?" 

_Holy shit. That voice._

He opened his eyes, meeting the same brown eyes that he woke up to this morning. The same salt-and-pepper hair. The navy blue button down was replaced navy blue scrubs and a white lab coat. Since he was an attending, his lab coat had his name stitched into it: Anthony Stark, MD.

"Oh. You're Dr. Stark."

"Yes indeed, I am." Tony smiled, the same affectionate smile from this morning. "Good to see you again."

Katie sat up eagerly, glancing at Steve before going back to Tony. "No way. You're my doctor too? Did they all hire you from the same modeling company or something?"

Tony laughed as he checked her chart. He put a stethoscope to her chest, winking at the young girl who didn't bother to hide her attraction to the neurosurgeon. She giggled and blushed, talking a mile a minute as he examined her.

Steve tried sneaking away the examination continued, hoping to hide in a supply closet or run away as far as possible. Katie seemed to be taking enough of his attention until she called out to him as he was stepping out of the door.

"Wait, where are you going, Dr. Blondie? Aren't you on my case, too?"

Tony turned around as well, quirking a brow. "That's quite a nick name. Fitting."

"It's, uh...I'm Dr. Rogers. Sir. I have to chart. Because she crashed." He fiddled with the pen in his pocket, even though Tony had the chart and he had no other patients to chart on yet. "I'll be back."

"Dr. Rogers, I'll meet you at the nurses station when this exam is finished." He nodded again with a smile before turning back to Katie. The young cheerleader winked at the intern, motioning for him to come back later.

He's fucked. _He's fucked_. Completely, utterly fucked. He fucked his boss, and now he's _fucked_.


	2. Saving  (Love) Lives

Steve Rogers hadn't chewed on his nails in years. He used to do it all the time, chewing and picking on his fingertips. He was nervous kid. He had gotten over that; it was a gross habit. But now, he couldn't stop himself from biting them, picking on the cuticle and the skin around the nails. He was willing to do anything to keep himself busy instead of running out the hospital doors and never looking back.

After the examination, Dr. Stark graced the nurses' station with his presence, earning hushed giggles and smiles from them. He thanked them for their help and reminded them to page him whenever they needed to. They batted their eyelashes and thanked him for coming to the rescue, which made Steve's blood boil. Sure, he was an intern, but he was the one in the room. Dr. Stark took ages to answer a goddamn page.

Whatever. He was a neurosurgeon. Steve couldn't be angry about a page that took a few minutes longer than expected. Tony—Dr. Stark— was probably coming out of a surgery or doing another consult. Whatever. Steve did what he was supposed to do. He was trained to save Katie's life, and he did it. Still, the nurses should be thanking _him_ , not Dr. Calvin Klein.

All irritation melted away when Dr. Stark finally turned to him and returned the chart. "Nice work in there. Hopefully your first day will continue being just as exciting."

An awkward laugh escaped Steve's mouth. "It definitely is something."

"Can I speak to you for a moment?" The grin on Tony's face was so sincere and so inviting, it was no wonder every woman in the hospital was falling at his feet.

Some verbal agreement came out of his mouth, but he felt like he was dreaming. This had to be some nightmare. He slept with his boss. It wouldn't have mattered if Tony just worked at the hospital with him, but he was his boss. The worst part was that he wanted to see him again, but that was out of the question.

Tony led him to a staircase, quiet enough so the two could talk. Steve felt dizzy.

"It's good to see you again," Tony said gently. His voice was like melted chocolate, and the way he looked into Steve's eyes made him weak. "Didn't think I'd see you so soon, but I always like surprises."

Another painfully awkward laugh. "I didn't know you were a doctor, too."

"I guess it didn't really come up last night," Tony said, taking a step toward him. The smell of his cologne and reminders of last night made Steve ache.

_Focus, Rogers. Focus. There's a girl with a serious seizure disorder. He's got pretty hair, but you've got to fucking focus._

"Katie's case is pretty interesting." Steve inched away from the gorgeous surgeon. "She seems to like you."

"She was asking for you too," Tony replied, "She said you saved her life. Pretty good for your first day, running a code all by yourself."

Steve wondered how anybody got any work done with Tony's lashes and a smile sweet enough to rot your teeth. How could any intern or resident listen to him? How in the hell was he supposed to focus with Tony on the case with him?

"I need to go. Charting. Dr. Wilson is probably looking for me too." Steve forced a smile. "I'll see you around, Tony. Stark. Dr. Stark."

Tony smirked before Steve ran out onto the neuro unit, running in the opposite direction than he was supposed to be going in. When he saw the blonde sprinting back the other way down to the ER, he couldn't help but laugh. Today was going to be interesting.

* * *

It was Tony Stark's first day at Chicago Medical. The new head of neurosurgery. Nick Fury, chief of surgery and an old mentor from his days in New York, had offered him the position a few months ago. It was only until a couple weeks ago that he decided to take the job.

"You're lucky the position was still open," Fury said as he handed Tony the paperwork, "and that you happen to be the best of the best."

Tony laughed. "Now you're just buttering me up, Fury."

"What made you change your mind?" Fury looked at the neurosurgeon curiously. "I know they pay big money in New York."

"Just wanted a change of pace," Tony lied, "New York is boring. Chicago is my latest adventure."

He was new to the city. It was like a miniature version of New York. Plenty of tourists, plenty of the same hustle and bustle as New York, but to a lesser degree. It was different. There were so many goddamn ingredients on a hot dog and pizza was served far too thick and with way too much sauce; New York was the superior city. There was no arguing about that.

Still, the change of pace was nice. It was a new adventure.

Steve was an interesting addition to his adventure. Sure, he went to a bar late at night and downed a few shots of vodka, so it was probably inevitable that he'd go home with someone. He just wanted to see the nightlife and get to know the city a little bit.

Nightlife sure was interesting in Chicago.

He wasn't one for one night stands, either. At least, not anymore. His college days definitely had the occasional late night quickie—those days had passed. While he wasn't usually the type to try and meet someone at the bar, the way Steve had been ogling him that night drove him _crazy_.

Pretty blondes with blue eyes? He was a _goner_.

After gathering himself from the awkward and rather adorable encounter with the intern, Dr. Stark returned to the chief's office. Several others were sat at the conference table, eyes glazed over on their cellphones. Clearly, his time with Steve had taken too long.

"Sorry I'm late, folks," Tony said quickly, "One of the interns needed help after running a code."

"Always keeping me on my toes, Stark," Fury replied. His expression was stoic—it always was—and even after all these years, Fury always had the power to make Tony break a sweat. The man helped Tony's career after all. Pissing him off was Tony's biggest fear, since he was a young man in medical school until today.

"I'll make this brief, since I know the interns are nuts." Murmurs of amusement echoed the room. "Dr. Anthony Stark will be our new head of neurosurgery. Dr. Bruce Banner is our general surgeon, Dr. Carol Danvers is our cardio-thoracic surgeon, Dr. James Rhodes our trauma surgeon and Dr. Wilson is our very own chief resident."

Fury continued his introduction to the rest of the doctors in the room, listing off the residents and other physicians that worked closely with the surgical unit. Tony seemed to charm nearly every one of the residents he shook hands with; the only ones who remained neutral were the attendings.

Tony understood the skepticism. He was yet another person in the running for chief of surgery.

Once the meeting ended, doctors returned to their respective floors. Tony waited for a few minutes before he was greeted by Dr. Rhodes.

"Good to see you again, Dr. Stark."

Tony smirked. "There's no need to be so formal, honey bear. You've addressed me informally for years, you know. Unless all that time away from me on the West Coast gave you amnesia."

Dr. Rhodes rolled his eyes before throwing his arms around Tony. The two best friends gripped each other tightly. Best friends during their undergraduate and medical school careers, the two were separated on opposite ends of the country during their fellowships.

"Oh, thank God you remembered me, Rhodey," Tony sighed with relief, "you had such a grown up face on in the conference room, I was beginning to think you really forgot about me."

James sighs. "Tones...what are you doing here?"

"Say, let's go harass some interns," Tony said quickly, "it's been a while since we tortured some newbies together."

"Tony. I'm being serious." James folded his arms together. He had the same look he'd give Tony whenever he was being an idiot in school, when he wasn't focused, or whenever he pulled some stupid shit outside of class. Rhodey was always looking out for him, the older brother Tony never had. Disappointing him always left a pit in Tony's stomach. Usually Rhodey was always right, but he didn't feel like arguing with him.

"Please, drop it," Tony muttered, "what happened in New York is over. I'm here in Chicago now. With you. My very best friend. My honey bear."

James rolled his eyes again and chuckled. "Alright, let's go make sure none of the interns killed anyone just yet."

* * *

Even though Steve was successful in saving Katie's life, he still received a lecture from Wilson. It felt like a teacher scolding him really, as Wilson reminded him he shouldn't be running codes by himself. Could have killed her, Wilson reminded him.

 _But I didn't,_ Steve wanted to say. Still, he let Wilson yell at him. He wasn't trying to get his ass kicked right now. An ass-kicking from Samuel Wilson on the first day did not seem pleasant in the slightest.

Because Steve flew solo without permission, the rest of the interns joined him at the nurses station for charting. Wilson had seen other patients that morning, and so it was time for scut work. Doing the paper work that saved lives was not nearly as interesting as saving the actual lives.

But then again, Steve didn't mind. He was still trying to slow his heart rate after shocking a sixteen year old girl's heart for the first time.

"You look like you just saw a ghost."

Steve glanced up at Redhead—Natasha—for a moment before trying to focus on his charting. "What?"

"You're whiter than you usually are," Natasha teased him, nudging him a little. "Come on. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Steve lied, focusing on his penmanship. Natasha rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Boring ass."

Army Tags—Bucky—snickered. "Tell us about your mystery booty call, Rogers."

Purple Stethoscope, who Steve learned was named Sharon, nudged Bucky. "Quit being annoying. Not everyone wants to disclose their private life to strangers."

"No, I deserve to know," Natasha retorted. "As your new coworkers, we deserve to know your love life. We were all boring and went to bed early last night, meanwhile you waltz in the locker room looking like a vampire was sucking on your chest."

Steve finally looked up from his paper work, burning bright red. "Natasha!"

Sharon's fight to keep quiet finally broke as the other two snickered together. She giggled a little and sighed, shaking her head. She mouthed "sorry" to the blushing blond, laughing when she was met with a wink. Steve wasn't really embarrassed anymore; eventually he laughed with them. It was nice to take a break from the constant pressure of saving lives. It was nice to just take a goddamn breath.

The moment of peace was brief, and the echoes of the monitor brought them back to reality. Across the station, Katie's vitals immediately crashed and seizing began.

"Somebody page Dr. Wilson!" Steve shouted as he entered the room. His hands were still shaking, but he felt a little more confident this time. Still, seeing her body shake violently made his stomach twist.

The interns scrambled around in the room, bringing whatever supplies the nurses suggested they bring. Weeks, months, years seemed to pass by in the seconds it took for Dr. Wilson to enter the room with a crash cart. He injected more medications into her IV before handing the paddles to Steve.

"Show me what you got, Rogers."

Steve gulped. "S-sir?"

"This is me teaching you to shock a girl's heart since you didn't let me teach the first time," Wilson said quickly, "You better move unless you want to kill this girl."

Steve placed the paddles on her chest, adjusting as Wilson coached him. He heard his own voice his time, telling the nurse to charge, charge again, charge three times. He felt sicker as the girl's pulse was still nowhere to be found.

"Charge again," Wilson said firmly.

"What if she—"

"Charge again or she definitely will die, Rogers!"

Steve took a breath, praying he wouldn't vomit right in front of the chief resident. "Clear!"

The girl's chest rose again with the shock, only this time her heart rate steadied. Her body moved naturally with her breathing, and her eyes fluttered open. She smiled weakly upon seeing Steve.

"Dr. Blondie. Saving me every time," She said softly. She peered behind him, noticing the other interns who looked both terrified but amazed. "Hey. You brought a whole gang with you."

"Didn't I tell you I was going to take care of you?" Steve winked. "This is Dr. Wilson, he's the best resident there is. And then the rest of us interns, Bucky, Sharon, and Natasha."

Dr. Wilson smiled at his introduction. He'd never admit it aloud, but he was impressed. The kid knew what he was doing. Maybe the interns weren't completely hopeless.

As if on cue, Dr. Stark finally arrived to the pediatric unit. "I got caught up in the ER. I'm here now. She seized again?"

Steve immediately returned to where the interns stood, grabbing Sharon and Natasha and pushing them to the front. Sharon glared at him, jabbing him in the chest with her elbow. It stung, but it was better than having to talk to Tony. The man was gorgeous even after answering trauma consults in the ER.

He has _got_ to get a life.

"Dr Wilson, you ran the code? How was she?" Tony leaned down to put the stethoscope to her chest, much to the girl's amusement. "Quit giggling, missy. I need to hear your heart."

"It was Rogers, sir," Dr. Wilson answered, motioning for the blond to step forward. "The second seizure since this morning. Lasted five minutes. She's loaded up on medications and still needed shocking."

Surprisingly, the neurosurgeon looked stumped. His brows furrowed together, deep in thought. He looked downright irresistible—Steve hated that he found himself staring with the female interns.

Tony finally faced the four of them. "I need you guys to help me research this case. We need to find out why she's seizing and fast. Page me when you guys have an answer. Whoever figures it out can scrub in." Tony's eyes locked on Steve's for a moment, trying to hold his gaze before the blond immediately stared at his shoes.

"Really?" Bucky blurted out.

"Really," Tony replied, "better act quickly, 'cause it seems your friends have a thirty second head start."

Bucky turned around only to see that the other three had rushed off to the library. Sharon held back a little, laughing when she saw him jogging to catch up.

A real chance at scrubbing in a major surgery. They couldn't wait.

* * *

Sharon and Bucky split from Steve and Natasha in the library, trying to conquer the massive amount of information to get their answer. They needed to move quick to get Katie back home.

Natasha nudged Steve. "What do you think of Army Tags?"

"You thought that too!" Steve laughed. He nudged her back. "Why are you thinkin' of soldier boy?"

"He was the only one wearing them," Natasha said quickly, "it was the first thing I noticed."

The blond smirked. "I bet it wasn't the only thing you noticed in the locker room."

She tossed a folder at him, laughing as the files scattered and Steve was left to pick them up. He didn't mind the mess—it felt nice to be making a friend in all this. He liked Natasha. She was intense and definitely could kick his ass, but he trusted her.

"What about _you_ , Dr. Blondie?" Natasha teased. "You and Purple Stethoscope would be cute together."

"She seems nice," Steve agreed, not wanting to say anything more. Sharon was definitely someone who would have dated. She was soft, warm. She was genuine and kind; it was a shame Steve didn't go out with the interns last night. It would have been a safer bet, trying to date her. Not trying to date your fucking boss.

"But you're still daydreaming about last night." She smiled when Steve grew pink. "Oh, it's bad. It's making you pink and I didn't even say anything."

Steve shook his head, pushing her away. "We're trying to save a dying girl."

"Was it hot? Was it rough?" Natasha rolled her eyes when Steve's eyes widened. "Listen, I haven't gotten lucky in weeks. Let me live vicariously through you. Now tell me; was she hot?"

He took a deep breath. Might as well tell her before he does something stupid like continue day-dreaming about Stark. Maybe just some of the details. He did have a good time but no one to talk about it.

" _He_ was nice. It was hot, but I was drunk, so I'm hoping what I remember was hot." Steve shook his head again when he saw her jaw drop. He fucking knew it. "Listen, I didn't want to say anything but you asked—"

"No, no!" Natasha grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry. You just totally did not seem like the type to have drunk one-night stands. You look like the guy who opens car doors, gets flowers, pulls up in shining armor on a white horse. I'm sorry."

Steve relaxed. "Oh. I thought it was because I mentioned a guy—"

She waved an arm. "I'm not like that. I thought Sharon was cute, but I thought you were into her. I thought it would be nice if we shared."

That really brought a smile to Steve's face, and he sighed in relief. Coming out exhausted him over the years. People like Natasha always made it a little bit easier.

Before he could go on, his pager went off. "911. PEDS ICU."

The world stopped. It was like his heart fell out of his chest.

Steve never ran so fast in his life. He could barely feel his legs after taking the stairs and continuing his sprint to the pediatric ICU. That girl was not going to die on him today. He was just so goddamn slow, why didn't he take track and field during college?

The momentum from sprinting and turning a corner quickly made him trip, but he didn't care. He was finally in the room, he reached behind the monitors to press the code button—

"Finally. I thought you were never going to answer the page."

Her eyes were open. She was talking. The monitors behind her were going off like crazy, reading that she was dead, but here she was, speaking and breathing and living.

"What the f—"

"I was getting bored. The redhead came earlier to bring me ice chips, the hot soldier brought me a sandwich so I wouldn't call the chief, and the other girl was actually really nice. She sat with me the longest before she got a page. But now I'm bored, and I liked you the best out of everyone." Katie examined her nails. "Can you just sit with me?"

Steve examined her arms and chest, noticing that her IV and wires were disconnected. He sighed in irritation, reconnecting them. He felt like strangling her, but he held his tongue. "Why did you page 911? Do you know what that means? I thought you were dying all alone in here. 911 is for emergencies."

"It _is_ an emergency," Katie insisted, "It's an emergency that I'm bored out of my mind and I need you to tell me something. Tell me anything."

Teenagers were fucking _unbearable_. He couldn't remember ever being this annoying. Maybe he was too much of a band nerd who was stuck either in the library or in the band room to be annoying, but he surely was not as annoying as a bratty girl calling 911 for no reason. He was a doctor, not a babysitter.

"I can get the TV to get that cheerleading channel if you want," Steve suggested, "that way you aren't bored."

Katie sighed , trying to hide the fact that her eyes were watering. "I'm scared of seizing again. I don't want to be alone when it happens."

Dammit. _Dammit_. He was such a dick. He couldn't leave her now.

"Let me get my laptop from my locker. We can stream some movies and stuff," Steve said with a smile. "Maybe I'll rent a movie online for you. My treat."

The corners of her lips turned upwards slightly. "No lame shit. It better be good. And get me some jello."

Steve returned with his laptop and stolen goods from the nurses' station. It took some eyelash batting and some sweet talking, but they had plenty of ice chips, jello cups and pudding. It was lame, but the kid was smiling and enjoying herself. He sat and charted for Wilson while he kept her company.

"Hey," Steve called out, "Your history said that you fell before seizing. Did you fall any other time than that?"

"I fall all the time, _genius_ ," Katie scoffed, "I'm a flyer. They throw me around at practice."

"Did you hit your head a lot?"

Katie looked at him, puzzled. "Not always. But a couple weeks ago I landed on my back, hit my head. Nothing serious. I think I had a concussion."

Holy shit. Maybe he could figure this out after all.

* * *

"You paged me 911 so I could talk to _Dr. Stark?_ "

"I think I figured out why she was seizing," Steve explained as Natasha looked over the chart, "she fell."

"I fall _all the time!_ " Katie groaned. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"What if there was an aneurysm?" Steve continued, "What if when she fell, it burst."

Natasha paused. "The bleeding and swelling would be why she's seizing."

"Please find Stark and tell him?" He put on his best smile. "I'll do your scut for a week."

"I don't know why you don't want to talk to him," Natasha said, "It's _Anthony Stark_. One of the best neurosurgeons in the country. I'd be dying to learn more from him. What's the deal with him?"

Steve sighed. "It's complicated. Just talk to him, will you?"

Natasha's eyes narrowed. "Is this a trick? What are you doing?"

The blond rubbed his neck. "Nat..."

"Was it...? Was it him?" Natasha gasped as Steve's complexion gave the answer away. "It was _him!_ You slept with—"

Katie sat up eagerly in the bed, giggling along with Natasha. Steve ran toward the door and shut it quickly, hissing at them to be quiet.

"Shut up!" Steve exclaimed. "You have got to talk quieter. I didn't know he was a doctor when I met him! I was drunk off my ass, and he was really, _really_ pretty."

"Listen, Blondie, _you're_ pretty," Katie explained, "But Dr. Stark is not just pretty. He is more than pretty. He's gorgeous. Calvin Klein material."

Steve slouched onto the couch next to the teenager and sighed. "Yeah, I thought so, too."

Natasha slumped down beside him. "Was it good? Was he hot?"

"Nat," Steve said, glancing at Katie. "There's a patient in here. She's a kid."

"No, keep talking. I'm bleeding into my brain," Katie grumbled, "I deserve to know about the messy love lives of my doctors."

The two women put on their best smiles, batting their lashes and holding their hands together as if pleading in prayer. Steve shook his head and chuckled.

"I can't remember everything, but I know he was amazing in bed. He even offered to cook me breakfast this morning." He smiled to himself, remembering how kind Tony was even after a hookup with a stranger.

Natasha groaned, leaning back on the couch. "I need some of that in my life."

"I wish I had that in my life," Steve admitted, "at least one more time."

"Oh, my _god_. You guys need to grow up!"

The interns looked curiously at Katie, who looked exasperated. Her arms were folded, clearly irritated with the two of them.

"Nat, you should go out with Army Tags. He was checking you out the whole time I watched you guys at the station." She turned to Steve. "Quit being a loser and talk to Dr. Stark. You're a doctor, for God's sake. You've done scarier things than talking to a guy you like."

Natasha snickered. "Damn, Katie."

"You're right," Steve replied with a sigh, "I've gotta talk to him anyway. We're going to make sure you can cheer again."

* * *

"You paged me, Dr. Rogers?" Tony's smile was heavenly, but Steve tried to ignore it and stay focused.

"I think Katie burst an aneurysm," Steve said calmly, "She said that she fell a while ago. She might be bleeding into her brain."

Tony nodded. "Alright then. We'll see if you're right—"

"I didn't want to wait any longer," Steve said sheepishly, "I told Dr. Wilson we needed another scan, and I-I have them here, if you want to take a look."

"Taking initiative!" Tony clapped a hand on Steve's shoulder, sending electricity through the blonde's body. _(Was he really that touch starved? Christ.)_

_Focus. It's just his hand. Don't think about his hand. Don't think about him doing things with his hand. Focus. You're a doctor, dammit._

Steve collected himself for a moment as Tony examined the scans. He pointed at a small section of the brain scan, smiling to himself.

"You were right, Steve." Tony looked so proud of him, so much so that Steve wanted to just melt into a puddle. Did he have this effect over everyone, or was Steve just particularly weak to his charm?

"She has a subdural hematoma," Tony explained, "And you're going to scrub in with me. Nice work, Dr. Rogers. You saved this girl's life."

"I-I can scrub in?" Steve sputtered, "Seriously?"

"Of course," Tony replied, "You figured it out. Book the OR and scrub in."

"Thank you so much, Dr. Stark." Steve gathered the charting notes, eager to scrub in for his very first neurosurgery.

The suave neurosurgeon winked. "You can call me Tony. Not now, but tomorrow night, when I take you out for dinner."

Without another word, Tony left to speak to the teenager, who was just as eager as ever to be examined before surgery. Steve stood speechless at the nurses' station, dropping every single file and scan in his hands. The nurse who directed him to radiology earlier that morning giggled.

"Damn, Dr. Blondie."


	3. Craniotomies, Appendectomies, and Almost-First Dates

Tony Stark was suave and attractive. It was no secret; everywhere he went, he could charm people in an instant. He never really liked to gloat about it, but he knew that about himself. He was always the pretty boy. (Alright, maybe he gloated to Rhodey once or twice. Or lots of times, especially when he was a drunk college kid trying to get over an ex. He was a pretty boy, thank you very much.) Pretty boys usually aren't the ones doing the pining. Usually _he_ was pined over, not the other way around. But with Steve, he found himself thinking about the intern constantly.

Steve was adorable. Well, he was more than adorable—last night proved that—but there was just something about him that intrigued Tony. He barely knew the man, but still, he felt something stirring whenever he knew the intern would be around. He seemed kind, and the way Katie had been babbling about him confirmed that, too.

Tony couldn't keep the smile off his face. Thinking about Steve, the way he blushed and the way he reacted to being asked out—the rush made him feel like a teenager again. Maybe there was something there. Something beyond a one-night stand.

Or, maybe the rush was just him being horny. (That _definitely_ had something to do with it.)

* * *

"You got the surgery!" Natasha exclaimed.

Steve bit into his sandwich, more nervous than he was excited. Sharon and Bucky had joined the two during lunch, celebrating Steve's victory. They spoke in hushed tones for a while, since no one else in the hospital knew about Steve's relationship—almost relationship— with Tony.

Well. It wasn't just Natasha that knew now. Bucky's shit-eating grin confused Steve at first. The soldier had given Steve a round of applause before sitting down with everyone.

"You and Stark, Rogers?!" Bucky had clapped his hand on Steve's shoulder as he sat down at the lunch table. "Shit, dude. Getting it on with the attendings."

Steve choked on his sandwich. "You told _Army Tags?_ "

Natasha sighed. "I meant to only tell Sharon, but Bucky was still lurking around in the library..."

Sharon gave a sheepish smile when Steve whipped his head around to glare at her, too. "You can totally trust me, Steve. Not Bucky and his loud mouth."

Steve hung his head in his hands. "Please, _please_ don't tell anyone, especially not the other guys around here. It's the first day and I don't want anyone else finding out. Especially Wilson. Not only would he tear me a new asshole, he'll find twenty different ways to torture me."

"I was never going to tell anyone." Bucky blinked in surprise. "Why would any of the guys care?"

Steve was speechless. "Well, I—I just figured people would be weird about it."

"It's not weird," Bucky replied simply, "Anyways, just give me some fries and your secret is safe with me."

Bucky leaned over and popped the food into his mouth, laughing as Steve rolled his eyes. Sharon leaned against Steve, swatting Bucky away from the french fries. Natasha laughed and threw the crusts of her sandwich at the soldier.

There was a bit of comfort in having people who didn't judge him right away. Ever since he had come out in high school, there was always a bit of judgement, especially among his male friends. Whether it was deliberate or an unconscious decision, it still stung. Sure, coming out got easier as he grew up, but it was nice to have friends who immediately accepted him.

"You guys are assholes," Steve said as he reached over to Bucky's soda, "Crazy, obsessed-with-other-people's-love-lives, nosy assholes. Don't you have other things to worry about?"

"He's right," Sharon replied, "they're going to announce who's doing the solo surgery."

"Hope everyone's all caught up on their appendectomy procedures," Natasha added nonchalantly.

Bucky narrowed his eyes. "You don't know it's going to be an appy. It could be anything."

"Free drinks at Joe's if I'm wrong."

The soldier and the redhead shook hands as Nick Fury entered the cafeteria. A hush followed his entrance; everyone knew it was time to shut up when the chief of surgery entered a room.

Fury smiled. "Damn. You all must be terrified of me, huh?"

The tension seemed to melt away a little as laughter echoed around the room. Fury cleared his throat once more.

"As you may have heard, we select an a very lucky intern for a solo surgery," he explained, "We've got an appendectomy"—Natasha jabbed Bucky's ribs in victory—"and James Barnes will be the intern on the case."

Bucky blanched as Nick Fury turned to face him. "Congrats, Barnes. Be ready to scrub in later this evening."

The chief shook Bucky's hand, reminding him to be early enough to scrub in properly and to get the patient's chart beforehand at the desk. Bucky barely answered in response, nodding and agreeing to everything before sitting back down at the table.

"I like tequila sunrises," Natasha teased.

Bucky frowned. "Quit it, Nat. I'm _completely_ fucked."

"No, you're not," Sharon reassured him, "We'll go to the library. Steve has to read up on the craniotomy anyway. You're going to be okay."

Steve threw an arm around Bucky's shoulder. "You'll be fine, Army Tags. We'll study right now. Let's go."

* * *

The interns stashed the rest of their lunches in their pockets before rushing to the library together. They picked up everything there was to know about subdural hematomas and appendectomies. Books and files were spread across the tables among sandwiches and french fries. Bucky's anxiety was almost tangible; Natasha nudged him under the table.

"You're going to be fine, you know." She poked him with her pencil when he didn't respond. "The chief will be in there, so will Dr. Wilson. You know how to do an appendectomy. We've been studying for hours."

Bucky didn't respond, only muttered the steps of the surgery to himself once more. Natasha threw a crumpled piece of paper at him.

"Can you listen to me while I'm trying to be sentimental and make you feel better? Please?"

Bucky smirked a little bit. "I gotta find another book first. Let's go."

The soldier left the table first, with Natasha following. Steve grinned as she left with Bucky and gave her a thumbs up. Sharon slapped Steve's hands, giggling as Natasha gave him the finger in response. Once they were gone, Sharon laid back in the chair.

"Ready for your craniotomy?"

"I'm not worried about the craniotomy," Steve replied, "The surgery will be the easy part. Trying to make sure I don't act like a lovesick idiot in front of Stark is going to be the hard part."

"Ugh. I'm so alone," she groaned, "You have Dr. Calvin Klein, Natasha clearly claimed Army Tags. I'm a loner."

"Hey. You have me."

Sharon felt a little bit of relief. She shouldn't be, but she found herself jealous of Natasha. Bucky was very clearly into her, and Steve had confided in her first about Stark. She was feeling a little left out. But there was Steve, smiling like a loyal golden retriever and well... she didn't feel so alone anymore.

"Yeah, I do have you, Dr. Blondie." She tapped on the book in front of him. "Keep studying so don't miss a single question Stark answers."

Bucky and Natasha returned with more books in hand, and the atmosphere changed as they continued their studying. There was only an hour left until Bucky needed to scrub in. Dr. Stark's craniotomy was scheduled right after.

"You guys are going to be fine," Sharon reminded them, almost as if she had read both their minds.

"This what we studied for four years for," Natasha added, "you know what to do. It'll be okay."

Steve only chewed on his nails, still worrying about Tony; Bucky laid his head down on the table, his brain completely fried from trying to memorize everything. Sharon and Natasha shook their heads and laughed.

"Boys."

* * *

Every intern sat up in the OR gallery, looking down at the operating team. Bucky somehow looked incredibly small despite his stature, and he stood perfectly still in front of the patient's body. Nick Fury stood a few feet behind him. There was no indication of communication except for people nodding; the silence was deafening, both in the OR and the gallery.

Natasha, Steve and Sharon all sat in the front row. Bucky glanced up at them, waving his fingers at them. The trio gave three sets of thumbs up, and while he knew they were trying to be supportive, he just felt a little nauseous. Behind them, the other interns had drinks and snacks in hand, swapping cash and snickering to each other.

"Ten bucks he can't even make a cut."

"Fifteen says he leaves the patient with a colostomy bag for life."

"Fifty says he can fucking do it."

A hush fell over the crowd as Steve stood up. "Seriously? You're gonna sit here, eating snacks and making bets, instead of _actually_ learning something? What the hell is wrong with you guys? That's one of us down there. Have some damn respect."

The others fidgeted a little, hiding the snacks and money. Steve shook his head in disgust. They came all this way, fighting to get into this program, only to make it into some sort of game? Ridiculous.

The surgery was finally beginning. Bucky held his hand out and took a deep breath.

"Ten-blade, please."

No one seemed to want to breathe or move an inch. They were all captivated as Bucky made the first cut into the sterile skin, surprised by the small amounts of blood that flowed after the incision was made. Seeing the flesh was so different from what they'd seen in models and anatomy text books.

Bucky couldn't believe his eyes. He had made his way through the skin and the tissue underneath, the appendix was finally exposed. Red and inflamed, seeing the organ was terrifying. It was natural, it happened all the time, and he'd performed appendectomies on models before. Still, seeing the actual organ in the flesh took his breath away.

He closed his eyes for a split second before continuing the procedure. The OR had a steady noisiness to it; the beeping of the monitors, the pressurized air going into and out of the patient's lungs. He could feel Fury watching his every move, but there were no complaints. He might actually pull this off.

As he clipped off the appendix, his scissors seemed to snag on the stump remaining. Blood pooled in the abdomen. Bucky's heart thumped loudly in his ears. He panicked as he looked at Dr. Fury, who remained stoic.

"Okay, so you clipped it a little bit," Fury said calmly, "but you haven't pulled up on the strings yet. You can throw another stitch, then pull up."

Bucky froze. It felt like there was nothing in his brain, nothing related to medicine, nothing related to the English language, nothing that could ever let him recover from this. Fury stepped forward, pointing to the blood in the abdomen.

"Barnes. Suction, _now_." He rose his voice a little, enough to jolt Bucky out of the panicked voices in his mind. "Suction, stitch, then pull. You're nearly there."

Bucky nodded quickly, following the chief's instructions as best as he could. After more suction and tying off what had been cut, the bleeding stopped. The abdomen was clear, and the stump of the appendix was pushed back into the intestine. It had suddenly occurred to Bucky that he had been sweating profusely, enough to dampen his scrub cap.

He took a step back, admiring his work. Fury nodded in approval, saying something which Bucky couldn't hear. He couldn't focus, and all he could think about is the fact that he pulled an appendix out from someone's body. He did it. He could have screwed everything up, but he didn't.

The soldier looked up to the gallery, where his friends stood up and clapped. He couldn't hear them, but he knew they were cheering. A sense of pride washed over him; maybe he could do this after all.

* * *

Tony and Rhodey went down to the locker room, exhausted from a long day. The two best friends had just left the ER after consults and running trauma together for the first time. It had been ages since they'd worked together on patients, and the feeling was the same every time. Even after a few years apart, they were a well-oiled machine. Saving lives with your best friend never lost its spark.

But now, Rhodey's shift was coming to a close, and Tony needed to get ready for surgery. There was a skip in his step, which did not go unnoticed. They'd been friends forever, and Rhodey always knew when Tony was up to something.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Oh, honey bear. Did the west coast take all your joy?"

Rhodey scoffed. "You're grinning because something is happening that I don't know about. And you won't tell me."

"I'm just excited for surgery, that's all." Tony winked, laughing when Rhodey rolled his eyes this time.

He wanted to tell his best friend about Steve, he really did. He missed the thrill of telling his friend about someone new, someone exciting. But he knew Rhodey wouldn't approve just yet, not with everything that was going on in New York. Tony just desperately wanted to forget about it. New York, his life before—he needed a fresh start. And Steve, well...that was just an added perk to his new life here in Chicago.

Rhodey bid Tony goodnight, and it was time for the neurosurgeon to prep for surgery. Tony met Steve in the scrub room. The intern no longer had a look of surprise like he did the first few times he saw Tony, but the inevitable pink rose again from his neck all the way to his cheeks.

"Excited to see your first surgery?"

Steve nodded, scrubbing his arms and fingertips.

"Are you nervous?"

"About the surgery? No."

Tony raised his brows. "Oh?"

Steve sighed. "Tony—Dr. Stark—you just...you make me nervous, okay?"

The blond continued scrubbing his finger nails, partially wishing he'd explode into a million little pieces and disappear. He knew Tony was looking at him, looking at him with his fucking model eyes and the model smile and the model hair under the scrub cap, and he was just so damn embarrassed.

Before Tony could get in a word, Steve had slipped into the OR. He stood in the back at first, joining the residents and other staff simply observing the surgery. Katie caught sight of the familiar blond and smiled.

"Hey, Dr. Blondie."

Steve waved. "Don't give Dr. Stark a hard time, okay?"

"No promises."

The grin on her face quickly relaxed as the sedative entered her system. The way her eyes fluttered to a close almost made Steve nervous, since he'd seen this happen before she seized. It was different this time; she was going to live her life. And he was the one that solved it.

"Alright, people. It's a beautiful night to save lives." With the mask on, it wasn't obvious that Dr. Stark was smiling. But with the way his eyes crinkled and from his voice, it was obvious that he was.

The sound of the drill going into Katie's skull unnerved Steve at first. He'd seen videos of the procedure being done, he was used to cutting up cadavers and seeing the anatomy. He shouldn't have been so surprised seeing Katie's brain, but he was still in awe when the organ was exposed.

Tony seemed to move effortlessly. The scrub nurses and the resident next to him seemed to know what he was going to ask for next; whatever he needed, it was already in his hand. Even when Katie's stats started fluctuating, Tony was perfectly calm. All the staff seemed to move fluidly around him, pushing medication when needed and backing off when the coast was clear. Once the clot was finally in sight, Steve was jolted out of his silent awe when Tony called his name.

"Dr. Rogers?"

"Y-yes, sir?"

He motioned for Steve to join him at the microscope. "Come take a look."

One of the nurses handed him a gown, allowing Steve to get closer to the patient's exposed brain. Steve peered into the microscope and marveled at the small clot that was in Katie's brain. Tony carefully moved his instruments to the site of the clot, and Steve held his breath as it was removed. It was the simplest action, yet Steve found himself holding his breath, waiting and making sure he didn't hear any monitors going off. The small clot was removed, and just like that, Katie was going to be okay. No more seizures. The girl was okay.

Steve took a step back, glancing at Tony. The neurosurgeon was smiling, eyes crinkled in happiness as he saw the look of astonishment in the intern's eyes. Tony turned off the headlamp that was around his head, allowing the resident and nursing staff to close up the patient.

As Steve scrubbed out, Tony joined him once more.

"That was amazing."

Tony grinned at the blond. "You think so?"

Steve nodded, barely able to contain his awe and excitement. "I can't believe—you were in her _brain_ —and you just...pulled the clot out. I can't believe it. You saved her life. Just like that. She won't be having seizures anymore."

"You were the one that figured it out," Tony replied, "Without the extra scans, we would have missed it. You can pat yourself on the back too, you know."

Steve shrugged and continued his scrubbing. Tony nudged him a little and grinned.

"So, dinner tonight?"

Those three words made Steve completely forget the entire English language. The intern stuttered for a moment, scrambling to find an answer that wouldn't be completely embarrassing.

"I—I don't finish my shift until tomorrow," Steve replied, "they make the interns stay for forty-eight hours."

"Well, surely you can let me treat you to some dinner in the on-call room." Tony winked as he shook the excess water off his arms and dried them. Steve was fucking melting into a goddamn puddle at this point.

"I just need to check on Katie, chart," Steve said quickly, "I, um, I hope you don't mind—"

"I don't mind waiting, Steve."

The intern nodded quickly, drying off his hands before running off to the neuro ICU to check on Katie. The teenager was just waking up from anesthetics, and she smiled affectionately when she saw Steve.

"Dr. Blondie."

Steve put a stethoscope to her chest and felt instant relief to hear a normal heartbeat. "Hey, you."

"Are you going to see Dr. Stark tonight?"

"Shouldn't you be more worried about getting home?"

"I care more about whether you're seeing Dr. Calvin Klein," Katie replied, "my parents are here, which means the rest of my stay here is going to be _very_ boring."

"You need some boring in your life. Your brain was bleeding, kid."

"And now it's not. My life is officially boring." She crossed her arms in annoyance, but she grinned a little. "I'll miss you as my doc, Blondie."

Steve laughed and shook his head. "It was nice to meet you, kid. Get some rest and make sure your teammates catch you so I don't see you in this hospital anymore."

Katie reached out for Steve's hand and squeezed. "Thank you for saving me."

She may have been a bratty teenager at first, but Steve could tell her words were genuine. He squeezed gently in return and smiled.

"Be good."

Katie stuck out her tongue. "That's boring."

"You're sixteen. Be good and boring now so you can be not good and not boring when you're older."

"Are you off to be not good and not boring with Dr. Stark?"

Katie laughed in response as Steve blushed pink. The blond cursed his Irish ancestry for being so easy to read. Still, hearing Katie laughing was a win; he helped her have a normal life.

So, yeah. He was allowed to be not good and not boring with an extremely handsome neurosurgeon waiting for him in the on-call room.

* * *

Tony sat idly in one of the on-call rooms, one away from the surgical and trauma units. He wasn't usually like this, checking his pager every five minutes. For the first time in years, he felt nervous. The same nervous energy that he felt when he was young suddenly rushed through his body. Maybe this is what Steve has been feeling all day, too. He didn't think he could make someone so nervous, but then again, it had been years since he met someone new.

He nearly jumped ten feet in the air when his pager went off. The neurosurgeon paced the room for a few minutes, trying to shake the odd feeling in his stomach. When he heard a gentle knock on the door, it felt like his heart fell at his feet.

Steve entered quickly, shutting the door behind him. He smiled to see that the table had bed sheets over it, and plastic cutlery surrounded the plates of hospital cafeteria food. There were two plastic cups with grape juice, and a pen light stood as their makeshift candle.

"I can't take you out to dinner since residents love to abuse the interns for two days straight, so I thought I'd bring dinner to you." Tony had no idea where to put his hands, and _why was he suddenly sweating?_ "I-I hope that's okay."

"It's great," Steve replied as he sat down. He could feel that Tony was nervous, and honestly, it made him feel a little better. He wasn't the only one shitting his pants out of sheer anxiety.

"I'm sorry if I made you nervous," Tony said gently, "I'll admit, I'm a little nervous now, too."

Steve smirked. "It's...cute, actually."

Tony's heart fluttered for a moment, trying his hardest not to lean over the table and kiss him. He wanted to get to know Steve, wanted to feel the rush of initial attraction and the possibility of falling for someone. He also just really, really, _really_ , wanted to kiss him again. Watching Steve's lips move as he spoke wasn't helping with Tony trying to focus.

Tony was impressed by the intern. He knew that Steve was going to make a great doctor; today's events proved that. He was engrossed as Steve talked about himself, enjoying the inevitable rosy color that crept up on his cheeks every now and again.

Once they had finished their gourmet hospital dinner, a bit of an awkward silence filled the room. They both had the same thoughts.

_What was he thinking? What am I supposed to next?_

"Thank you for our almost date," Steve blurted out, "it was really nice."

Tony smiled. "You'll have to let me take you out for real this weekend."

"Well...you can call me and we'll plan one. A real date."

Steve had no idea where his surge of confidence was coming from, but it was now or never. He fished around his pockets for a marker, taking Tony's hand and writing down his cell phone number. Tony took the opportunity to gently pull the blond close and kiss him. Steve froze for a moment until he melted into Tony's lips. The intern immediately dropped the marker, using his free hand to run it through Tony's hair. The scratch of neurosurgeons facial hair on his lips and chin was fucking addictive, so much so that Steve found himself pushing him onto the bed. Tony hummed in response and nearly fell apart when he felt Steve shaking the lab coat off his shoulders.

Tony's mind was reeling as he felt Steve's hands wandering over his body, and he nearly groaned in response Steve finally straddling his hips on the bed. The intern was just moving his lips to Tony's neck when one of the pagers went off. It was coming from Steve's lab coat, and he sighed.

"Fuck," Steve muttered. "It's Wilson."

"You'll have plenty of opportunities to fool around with your attending in an on-call room, Rogers." Tony chuckled when Steve flushed rouge again. "Go on, then. Your shift isn't over."

"Still taking me to dinner this weekend?"

"Dinner and _plenty_ of other activities to follow, yes."

 _Jesus Christ_. The neurosurgeon was so suave and dangerously pretty from Steve's perspective, smiling up at him. But his pager was still going off, and he wasn't trying to get an ass-kicking on his first shift.

Steve leaned down and kissed Tony's cheek. "I like expensive red wine if you're still trying to get in my pants this weekend."

"I'll keep that in mind." He ran his fingers through Steve's hair, pulling down to kiss him once more before the intern left the room.

Their first day at the hospital was definitely an interesting one.


	4. Another Almost, Trying-to-Go-Steady Type of Date

The interns were more than exhausted. They weren't just fatigued; they were wiped out after their first shift.

The rest of the twenty four hours seemed to pass in a blur. The interns ran to the blood bank, charted and did scut for Wilson, checked the vitals on the hospice patients, checked on non-emergent patients in the clinic; everything their residents didn't want to take care of, they did.

Now, it was six in the morning, with their shift ending in two hours. The four miserable interns were camped out in the basement, where they were blessed extra beds and gurneys to lounge around on. Sharon and Natasha were dutifully filling out charts, trying to suppress their yawns. The boys had just returned after a splendid early morning of rectal exams. Wilson was in a horrible mood after being called in to an emergency appendectomy, and Steve and Bucky were his victims that morning.

Bucky slumped down on the gurney next to Natasha, and Steve found his place next to Sharon. Natasha's nose crinkled up in disgust when she saw a bit of the rectal gel on Bucky's coat.

"Ew, Barnes, get your coat in laundry!" The redhead shoved him a bit. The soldier nearly fell off the gurney, much to the others' amusement. Bucky shrugged off the lab coat and threw it on the floor, groaning tiredly as he returned to the gurney.

"Remind me to shut my mouth when Wilson's talking," Bucky muttered as he closed his eyes, "He hears everything."

"You need to stop saying stupid shit around him," Steve retorted, "Especially when I'm around. Now we smell like literal _ass_."

"Quit complaining and do some paperwork." Sharon handed the boys a couple of binders from the stack of post-op patients that were assigned from Wilson. "Wilson's emergency surgeries from last night are really piling up with his regular patients."

Two hours actually flew by quickly, and soon, the interns were paged back to the locker room. Wilson and other residents already looked exhausted for eight in the morning, but it didn't matter. They were finally free after their first shift as real doctors.

"Go home and shower. Y'all stink and look like hell." Wilson actually smiled for a split second before checking his watch. "My interns, pre-rounds tomorrow at five a.m. Rounds are at six. Enjoy the day off."

Steve bid goodbye to the rest of the interns, but he wasn't leaving the hospital just yet. He made his way to the labor and delivery unit, where a very exhausted nurse was waiting for him. The woman's eyes widened when she saw the blond coming toward her, and she opened her arms wide.

_"Stevie!"_

The intern smiled. "Hey, Ma."

His mother, Sarah, returned the grin. "Alright, let me give my patient's chart to Dr. Stark—"

Steve blanched. "You're working with Dr. Stark?"

Before his mother could answer, a familiar neurosurgeon walked up to the nurses station. Steve couldn't believe his eyes when he saw his own mother with rosy cheeks with Dr. Stark's arrival. Sarah grabbed Steve's arm, squeezing it with excitement.

"Stevie, honey, have you met Dr. Stark?" Sarah could barely hold back her smile. "I have a mother-to-be with some head trauma after a car accident, Dr. Stark just took the best care of her after craniotomy last night."

"Dr. Rogers, it's good to see you again." Tony held his hand out, not even trying to hide his own grin.

"You know each other, how lovely! My Stevie just finished his first shift here. I was just waiting to hear all about it," Sarah replied.

"Your son diagnosed my first patient here, actually," Tony said confidently, "he was the first intern to help me on a case."

"Now, Steven, when were you going to tell me about that?" The nurse was much shorter than Steve, but she instilled a bit of fear with her hands on her hips and a stern look on her face. "First, you skip out on dinner before your shift, I don't see you for two days, and you don't even update me on exciting things like saving patients!"

"Surely you could have checked up on your mother at least once while you were doing scut, right Rogers?" Tony took a breath and tried staying calm as the intern glared at him. "If I was lucky enough to be working with my mother, I'd visit her every hour."

Sarah raised her eyebrows, as if to say _come on kid, what's your excuse?_ Tony crossed his arms, biting his lips to stop his laughter. He knew he'd get a rise out of Steve for ganging up on him with his mother, but he did not want to miss out on this. Not with the flustered expression and the pink that Steve wore so well on his cheeks.

"Mom," Steve said through gritted teeth, "There was the mixer, and I-I went out with some friends, and Wilson was kicking my ass—"

"Don't you talk about Samuel like that. He's a very good man." She was serious; Sarah Rogers knew everyone at the hospital and did not enjoy anyone talking about her favorite doctors. She knew the man since he was an intern, fresh out of medical school, and Wilson did very well on his rotation on labor and delivery.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Ma, I'm sorry. I'm here now, right? Your favorite son, who could have gone home right after his shift, came up to say hi."

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to his mother's forehead. Sarah sighed and hugged her son. While her back was turned, Steve's smile quickly morphed into a frown. Tony winked and turned the corner before Steve could say anything more.

Sarah peeked around the nurses' station before pinching her son's arm. "My god, that Dr. Stark...I loved your father, but..."

"Ma!"

Sarah waved her hand. "Oh, honey, you cannot tell me you haven't been drooling over that man the moment you laid eyes on him."

_Oh, Ma, you have no fuckin' idea._

* * *

Steve was practically sleep-walking as he made it back to his apartment. He knew this part of the city like the back of his hand, so it wasn't difficult finding his place, even after two days of working. The intern barely made it through the door before immediately slumping onto his couch. He should probably shower, change his clothes, brush his teeth, eating something other than cold french fries...

The blond had barely dozed off before his cell phone started ringing. He groaned when he saw that it was an unknown number. He had given his numbers to his friends and some of the other new interns, but he was exhausted and couldn't think of who could be calling. So, Steve let the phone ring as he closed his eyes for the first time since last night.

He was trying to sleep, but his phone kept ringing. He held the phone to his ear and huffed.

"What?!"

"Good morning to you too, sweetheart."

Steve never sat up so quickly in his life. "T-Tony! Er, Dr. Stark. I—"

"Even though I love your babbling, I was wondering if I could treat you to breakfast." Tony chuckled into the phone a little at the silence on the other end. "Before you faint, let me tell you that I'm an amazing cook, I will not be reaching into your pants, and I'll even settle for just a sweet kiss on the cheek once I leave."

Steve was speechless. Any confidence that he had the other night had completely faded away, and Tony had managed to take any breath he had in his lungs. He used to be suave. He used to have people swoon. But somehow, with Tony's voice on the other end, laughing and talking like some goddamn _angel_ , well, he forgot how to speak.

"Rogers. This is me asking you out. To have a real date. _Today_. You know, the steady dating type of date. All you gotta do is say yes."

Steve's heart skipped a beat. _Going steady?_   "I—I thought you had surgery."

"My craniotomy was canceled, I don't have to be in again until this evening for another surgery," Tony replied, "I happen to be all yours this morning."

The intern could barely suppress his smile. "Uh, yeah. Okay. You can come over. You know where I am?"

"I had to do the lovely walk of shame from your apartment to mine, so yes, I do know where you are, Steve."

"Right. See you later, Tony."

* * *

Steve was embarrassed to admit that he spent a little too long getting ready for someone he barely knew. In the time it took to shower, shave, and pick normal clothes to wear, he was struck with the realization that he had no food in the fridge.

There were only a few items in the fridge: some beer, cheese that was probably spoiled, leftovers from wherever he ate last, and some coffee cream. Steve had only moved into this apartment a few days ago, and he meant to go out for groceries the night before his first day. And well...that didn't quite turn out as planned.

Now that he was panicking and running out of time, it was almost on cue as Tony gently knocked on the door. Steve cursed under his breath and tried to get whatever trash that was laying around out of sight. He took some of his clothes that were laying on the couch from earlier this morning and threw them into his room before running to answer the door.

"Hi."

Tony smiled. "I was hoping an hour gave you enough time to panic and clean the house."

"I had time for that, but not to get any food," Steve replied sheepishly, "I-I just haven't stocked the fridge in...ever."

"We'll have to fix that, won't we?" Tony clapped his hands together. "We need to go grocery shopping."

"We can always go out." Steve's hands were fidgeting so bad, as if he'd never had a boy in his apartment before. Tony pretended not to notice, although the intern's nervousness was so obvious.

"We _could_ go out," Tony said softly as he took a step toward the blonde, "but then I can't do this. At least, not as often as I'd like."

And just like that, Tony was kissing him. He guided Steve away from the entrance, then leaned back as Steve moved forward to shut the door. Sure, Steve was exhausted like no other, but all his fatigue seemed to melt away when Tony's lips were on his. Tony grinned when he felt Steve's hands in his hair, but he broke away before the blonde could get too carried away.

"Can't do that in a restaurant, now can we?" Tony's smile was just so bright and pretty, how on earth was he not a real model? The sight still knocked the wind right out of Steve's lungs.

Steve took a deep breath. "Grocery shopping it is."

Chicago was beautiful during the summer time. Well, it was always beautiful in Steve's eyes, but there was something about the summer months that made it just a bit more special. Even with the sun beating down, the Windy City still lived up to its namesake, and the occasional gusts of wind cooled down the city. The sun made the lake and river seem brighter and shinier, and all the sights made Steve wish the city would stay like this forever.

When the two arrived at the grocery store, Steve felt a little nostalgic. The store was right around the corner from where Steve grew up, and after all these years, it was kept mostly the same. There was some fresh paint on the wall this time, but the aisle signs were still old and faded as they were when he was in high school. The owners of the store, the Bautistas, ran over to Steve as he walked in the door. They had only heard about Steve's medical school tales from his mother, and they were in disbelief to see that the little boy who ran around the aisles was finally a grown up.

"You only get taller, Steve!" Mrs. Bautista squealed and pinched the blond's cheeks as if he were her own son. Steve blushed a little, suddenly realizing that Tony watching everything.

Mr. Bautista shook hands with Steve, grinning with pride. " _Ay_ , he's Dr. Rogers now!"

Steve laughed. "You guys can keep calling me Steve, it's okay."

"Tell your mom that we made those eggrolls she was asking about, will you, _anak_? She said she's bringing it to the hospital for the night nurses." Mrs. Bautista went to the counter, bringing out a tray of extra food she had made for Sarah. "Do you want some too?"

"That's okay, maybe next time, Mrs. Bautista," Steve replied, "You're gonna be mad when you hear it, but I have no food in my fridge."

"All the more reason to take some extra food!"

No matter how much Steve insisted, he was now carrying an extra bag of food, loaded with eggrolls and _pancit_. The Bautistas reminded him again if he ever was hungry, all he needed to do was give them a call. That was one of the great things about coming to their store: they always welcomed him with a warm meal.

Steve returned to Tony and held up the grocery bags. "If you like Filipino food, I have enough to feed an army."

"You're quite the superstar in this part of the city," Tony teased, "it's adorable."

"I'm not the superstar, my mom is," Steve explained, "She helped them out when they were starting their store. They didn't have insurance back then, so she checked in on them when they needed it. Because of that, they helped babysit me when she had to take extra shifts. I practically lived here with their two daughters."

"That's really nice. Your mother really is a superstar." Tony was a bit quiet for moment; it struck him just how different their lives were. It was endearing, to hear about the little bits and pieces of his life. Learning about Steve's life only made him ache about the life he left back in New York.

Steve replied in agreement, then pointed to some pancake mix. "Wanna go crazy and get chocolate chip pancakes?"

The neurosurgeon snapped out of his trance and nodded.  He smiled affectionately at Steve's eagerness and continued shopping with him. Their appetites grew as they wandered the store, and soon, their baskets were full of breakfast food along with other items and junk food to stock Steve's apartment. Mrs. Bautista winked at Steve upon seeing the handsome man beside him, only furthering Steve's embarrassment. She bid them goodbye, urging them both to return whenever they were hungry.

Once they returned to the apartment and put the groceries away, Tony clapped his hands together. "Now it looks like someone actually lives and eats here."

"What would I do without you?"

Tony cracked some eggs into a pan. "Starve."

It felt so domestic, like something out of a movie at the happy ending, something that Steve hadn't felt in a while. Watching Tony at the stove in his apartment, humming to himself while adding tomatoes and spinach to an omelet, kissing him in between ingredients, it made Steve's heart ache. He ached for Tony to be more than a one night stand, he ached for him to be _something_ with him, but it was so damn complicated. Out of all the hospitals in the city, Tony had to work at the same one as him.

"I don't usually do one-night stands. Or flings." Tony's voice startled Steve out of his day-dreaming.

 _Shit_. It was as if Tony read his mind.

Tony turned around and covered the pan of eggs he was cooking. "I like you, Steve. I'm not just trying to screw around or anything."

" _Oh_."

It was Tony's turn to get a little red this time. "Unless you totally hate the idea. Which I get it, it might have just been a fling to you—"

"It's not!" Steve exclaimed. "No, listen, I-I like you, Tony. I just didn't think you'd like me too. I mean have you _seen_ yourself?"

Tony laughed. "You flatter me, Rogers."

"I'm just telling the truth," Steve replied, "even my mom was all heart eyes this morning at the hospital. Everyone over there is falling at your feet, you know that right?"

Tony scoffed. "Not everyone."

"Every nurse at the station bats their eyelashes at you and dreams of what it'd be like with you in the on call room. And those are just the nurses. The other interns are practically on their knees."

"I'd only like to see _one_ intern in particular on their knees, actually." Tony laughed again when he saw that Steve had reddened in about three seconds. "Rogers, I'm kidding."

Though he was a bit embarrassed, Steve stood up and leaned into Tony. The neurosurgeon chuckled a little bit, abandoning the stove to reach into Steve's hair. He pushed Steve against the counter, growing a little breathless even though Steve showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. He shivered when Steve's fingers were at the buttons of his shirt, frantically trying to get the shirt open. Tony finally gasped when Steve succeeded and starting sucking a bruise into his neck.

"This isn't a fling, right?" Tony panted.

Steve winked before kneeling onto the kitchen floor. "Of course not. We're just getting to know each other right now."

Tony laughed before he was interrupted by Steve unbuckling his pants. He tilted his head back and relaxed. 

This was  _so_  much better than what he had going in New York.

 


	5. Little White Lies

Tony originally planned to cook breakfast and have a cute first date, then leave. It was supposed to be mature but still have the thrill of being with someone new, and it was going to be perfect. The morning was supposed to be casual, but instead, Tony found himself naked next to the intern, who was passed out next to him. Steve was curled up beside him, golden strands beautifully mussed, lips pink and a tad bit swollen. He smirked to himself when he saw the bruising on Steve's chest, the redness baring great contrast the blond's fair complexion.

An adult, going-steady date was supposed to happen, but then again, Tony's life wasn't _exactly_ going as planned these days.

They had barely eaten breakfast together; the first omelet burned once Steve had gotten busy on his knees. The couple then again tried to enjoy the pancakes that they whipped up, but Steve had been winking throughout the entire meal, and Tony practically drooled at the thought of what else the intern's mouth could do.

It wasn't like they didn't try talking and getting to know each other. Tony learned even more about the man. Steve's father had passed away when he was a baby; it had always been Sarah and Steve. Sarah Rogers worked like a dog to get Steve through college, and Steve had taken two years off school to work as much as he could before it was time to start paying for medical school. Everyone in Steve's neighborhood knew the Rogers' and were always rooting for them; because of Steve's involvement in school and the community, it was no surprise that he was accepted to in several of the medical schools he had applied to.

His life was so different compared to Steve's. Tony had no problem going to school or affording to stay in a home, and he definitely had his pick of whatever school or program he wanted to get into. Tony knew he was privileged; hearing about Steve and his success only made him grow fonder. Steve had fought for everything he had in his life; he was a good man.

He thought about their conversation right before they got into bed.

He really mentioned _going steady?_ Christ, he sounded like he was from the 1940's. Going steady. He was known for being suave and charming, but when it came to Steve, he couldn't think properly. Any blood circulating to his brain that morning went straight to his pants the minute Steve got on his knees.

There was a delicious ache between his legs when he remembered that morning's events.

Unfortunately, the morning was quickly ending, and it was nearly time for Tony to return to the hospital. He tried to get out of bed quietly, sliding his arm out from Steve gently. The subtle movements were still enough to wake the blond. Steve rubbed his eyes and chuckled.

"This feels familiar."

Tony smirked as he searched the room for his pants. "Only this time, no one's scrambling around trying to get rid of the pretty boy in the bed."

"Listen, I woke up next to someone who looked like a damn model compared to me," Steve replied, his voice still heavy with sleep, "I freaked out."

"No need to freak out anymore." Tony leaned down and pressed his lips to Steve's forehead.

"Why are you leaving?" Steve stretched his arms out. "Come back."

Tony laughed in surprise when Steve pulled him back into bed. He only planned to let Steve kiss him just a bit more, but one more kiss turned into several, and hands wandered where they should not have been wandering. Soon enough, Tony's pants were inevitably back on the bedroom floor. When Steve gripped his hand around him, Tony groaned.

"I...I need to leave," Tony panted, "but you are making it _impossible_."

"You don't have to leave just yet," Steve mumbled, "you can stay here and let me do all the work."

Tony just about melted as Steve kissed his cheek and slipped back under the covers.

"I thought we were going to get to know each other," Tony gasped, "I don't really think— _fuck_ , Steve—we should be actually finishing the breakfast we made, staying on the phone for hours because neither of us have the heart to hang up first, then you ask me to go steady with you—ugh, _shit!"_

Steve pulled the covers back, looking up at Tony with gorgeous pink lips turning up in a smile. "Will you let me finish my work down here before you leave me in this bed all alone?"

How on earth was Tony ever supposed to say no to him?

* * *

"Good morning everyone!"

Natasha scowled. "It's six am."

"And it's a good morning, Nat," Steve replied as he sipped his coffee, "come on, we're finally getting the hang of everything! It's been almost three months here, aren't you guys excited by everything we're doing?"

Sharon looked at him curiously. "You are _glowing_."

Steve scoffed. "I am not.

Natasha folded her arms. "No one in the entire world is as perky as you are at six in the morning. We know it's not the coffee, Rogers. It's the sex."

Steve hid his smile behind his locker, adjusting his lab coat and stethoscope. "I just got a good night's sleep."

"After a good night's _fuckin_ '," Bucky scoffed.

Natasha and Bucky burst into fits of laughter, with Sharon trying to shush them but failing miserably.

"It's not _just_ sex," Steve insisted, "I'm actually getting to know him a little. He grew up in New York. He used to play lacrosse like all the east coast elite children did when they were growing up."

Sharon smiled. "You are so into him."

"Rogers has a boyfriend." Bucky nudged the blond with his elbow.

Suddenly, Steve's face was hot. "He's not my _boyfriend_ , we see each other, we go on dates, he sleeps on my couch sometimes—"

Bucky wrapped an arm around Steve. "Quit lying about the couch. We know he sleeps in your bed."

"We're just taking it slow," Steve replied, "going steady, or whatever he keeps telling me. But it's not like he's my boyfriend."

"Going steady? Steve, you guys are dating!" Sharon exclaimed. "That's the most old-fashioned termed for dating in history."

Steve couldn't stop the blushing now. Tony pretty much did everything a boyfriend would do and more. If their schedules lined up for free time, he was at the apartment making a meal for the two of them. Tony's apartment was a bit of a walk from the hospital and since Steve's was much closer, he'd spend the night if they were off. It wasn't every night, but once or twice a week, Steve found himself breathing in the smell of Tony's hair.

Alright, so maybe Tony was his boyfriend. He acted like one; he pressed kisses to Steve's lips before heading out the door, as if it was a casual thing they did every morning. They'd steal kisses in the on-call rooms or stairwells, they held hands outside of work when they went on dates. Their relationship—or whatever it was at the moment—was picture perfect, something out of a romantic comedy special. Although Steve didn't like to admit it, it was fun to be dating again. It took the insane pressures of work off Steve's back for a few hours every day.

And because it was so perfect and fun, Steve was terrified of ruining anything. It had been a few years since he'd dated anyone, and Tony just felt so right. Sure, they had only been together for a few months, but something about it made Steve feel good (no, not just the sex). Tony understood him, didn't suffocate him when he was busy, comforted him after hard cases or patients that he lost. Everything was so easy and simple with Tony, it almost seemed too good to be true. He wasn't about to rush into anything only to have Tony change his mind.

Not that he was worried so much about Tony changing his mind any time soon. The man was so sweet and genuine in his intentions, it made Steve's heart ache. The affection almost took Steve by surprise; he had forgotten what it felt like to have someone be that into him.

Now it felt like Steve's first day at the hospital, with the wondering and daydreaming about the handsome man in his bed the other night. He tried to focus while Wilson was updating them on the post-op patients they needed to check on while he was in surgery, but his eyes wandered to Tony, who was at the nurses' station. There was a stern, irritating look on his face as he held a phone to his ear. He wasn't exactly quiet in his argument with whoever was on the phone with him. Steve tried to catch the bits and pieces of the conversation in the midst of Wilson lecturing.

"... you had your reasons, I had mine...this is my choice...I'm _finally_ happy!...please, just let me have this. Goodbye."

_Who the hell could he be talking to?_

"Rogers."

"Yes, sir?"

Wilson did not look amused in the slightest. "Did you hear anything I said about the patient in 3655?"

"I—"

"Keep an eye on the white cell count," Wilson replied with a huff, "page me immediately if anything changes with your patients. Please try not to kill my post-ops, I'd greatly appreciate it."

Steve nodded quickly as he took the chart. The interns split up to check on their patients, and Steve tried to clear his head. Tony was probably arguing with his parents. Maybe his other family members. He was suddenly struck with the realization that he didn't know much about Tony, only parts and pieces of his childhood. Nothing about the life he had as an adult.

Whatever. They'd only been together for just a few months. They were just dating, and it wasn't like Tony was his boyfriend or anything. At least, Tony hadn't mentioned anything, so, it was nothing.

Except that it wasn't nothing, and it was clear to the rest of the interns that Steve was distracted. Steve was a good intern, but today, he seemed stuck in a day dream, mixing up labs and being caught off guard when other residents and attendings asked him questions. After checking on Wilson's patients, Sharon met Steve at the nurses' station.

She nudged him. "Hey. Earth to Steve."

Steve barely looked up from his chart. "What's up?"

"You've been staring at that chart for ten minutes now."

"And?"

Sharon sighed. "Are you okay? Listen, I know the thing I said about going steady was scary but—"

"Will you please just drop it?" Steve quickly shut his chart. "You guys are always up my ass about Stark. We've got a ton of shit to do for Wilson, and he wants us in the pit today. Please, just leave it alone."

Sharon frowned and left the station without a word. Steve groaned to himself and hung his head in his hands. He barely had time to mope before his pager went off, ending his afternoon of charting to go man the ER.

Usually, the ER was something to look forward to. Some of the best cases came in through the doors, and the interns were finally getting the hang of running a trauma together. While it had only been a couple months at the hospital, the interns were beginning to feel like real doctors. They were a team.

"We've got a car accident with two minors, brother and sister, obvious facial lacerations, possible head and neck injuries," the paramedic began, "possible internal injuries to the brother."

Natasha and Bucky immediately went to the older sister, leaving Sharon and Steve with the much younger patient. He looked no older than ten years old, but his injuries suggested that he was sitting in the front when he wasn't supposed to. Steve tried to ignore his irritation after he noticed the fleeting frown on Sharon's face.

"Shouldn't we call Wilson?" Steve asked, growing nervous as he put his stethoscope to the boy's chest. "There are no breath sounds on the right lung."

"Wilson is in surgery," Sharon replied, "we need to do a chest tube on him. He's bleeding into his chest."

Steve paused. "Have you even done one yet?"

"We _need_ to do one, Steve," Sharon snapped. "if he doesn't get this chest tube he's gonna stop breathing really fast."

The little boy's eyes opened, growing wide upon the realization that he was in the hospital. He sat up quickly, spitting up blood and trying to get up from the table. Steve lunged forward, stopping the boy in his tracks. The monitors started going off, only scaring the boy even more.

"Turn off the monitors!"

Sharon scowled. "How are we going to know his stats—"

_"Just turn them off!"_

Sharon turned off the sound on the monitors, growing panicked at the fact that the stats were gone. Steve knelt down to the boy's height and smiled.

"Hey, bud," Steve said gently, "What's your name?"

"J-Jackson." The boy trembled as he spoke.

"Hey, Jackson. I'm Steve. And this is my friend, Sharon. We're going to help you." 

The little boy's eyes watered. "Where is my sister? Where is Jo?"

"There are other doctors taking the best care of her," Sharon replied, "and Steve is right. We're going to help you and your sister, but we need you to sit down, okay?"

After some hesitation, the boy nodded. Steve hoisted him back up to the table, and Sharon restarted the monitors. The boy's heart rate had slowed slightly, but he grew weaker with the loss of blood.

"Steve," Sharon urged, "we need to do the chest tube, otherwise—"

"Well, don't just stand there, just do it!" Steve exclaimed. "Wait—let me sedate him a little so he doesn't feel it as much."

Steve injected some morphine into the boy's body, then held the boy's hand as Sharon took a scalpel to her hands. The boy whimpered the sight, and Steve tried to avert his eyes away from what Sharon was doing. Jackson screamed into Steve's chest as the tube was placed, but soon his breathing improved as the blood drained from his lung. Steve placed an oxygen mask over the boy's mouth, feeling relieved as the boy relaxed.

Sharon stood frozen in her stance as another resident wheeled Jackson away to the OR. Steve walked over to her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay."

Sharon sighed, still looking pale. "I know, I just...I really put a tube in a ten year old's chest."

"You did a good—"

"You don't need to comfort me. I know I did a good job." Sharon tore off her trauma gown and left the room before Steve could get a word in.

* * *

After Jackson and Jo's surgeries, the interns were charting in the tunnels. Bucky and Natasha were unnerved by the silence; usually it was never this quiet, even when they were drowning in scut work. Natasha nudged Bucky, urging him to break the silence.

"Heard you guys did a chest tube on the little brother," Bucky said, "pretty badass."

"It was Sharon," Steve replied tentatively, "she did the chest tube."

"I did what I had to do." Sharon stood up and gathered Jackson's charting. "I'm gonna go check on him."

Steve stood up. "I-I can go check on him if you want."

Sharon shrugged and walked back to the ICU without waiting up for him. Natasha threw her pen at Steve.

"What the hell did you do?"

Steve frowned. "Nat—"

"Go fix it. Whatever it is with Sharon, you better fix it." Natasha folded her arms.

Steve glanced over at Bucky for support, but the soldier shrugged. "Don't look at me. I didn't piss off the nicest intern in the program. This is on you, Rogers."

* * *

"Sharon."

She held her ground and barely looked up at Steve. "Do you need something?"

"Well, no, but—"

"Then leave."

Steve sighed. "Sharon—"

"I don't get what you want from me!" Sharon exclaimed. "You want us to be there for you, but then lash out when I try to see if you're okay? That's some high school shit, Rogers. I don't have time for that. Let me be your friend or leave me alone."

"I'm sorry. Can you just hear me out?" Steve leaned on her a little. "I'm sorry I was such a jackass today and in the ER. I'm just freaked out already because of Tony, and then I overheard a phone call that made it worse."

"I'm not going to be your emotional punching bag," Sharon replied, "I'm here for you, but not to catch the blow just 'cause you're having problems with your ridiculously hot boyfriend."

"And again, I'm sorry," Steve groaned, "Please don't make me grovel. I'm bad at it, and it's very, very pathetic."

Sharon smirked. "You being pathetic is helping, actually."

"I'm sorry, really."

"Shut up." She leaned back on him, too. "Don't be a jerk and maybe I'll stay friends with you. Clearly, you need it, since you don't know how to talk to your own boyfriend."

Steve rested his head on the desk. "He's just so pretty, Sharon. I can't talk to him."

"Oh my _god_ , Steve."

"I'm being serious!" Steve sighed. "I feel like I don't know anything about him, how can I be calling him my boyfriend?"

"Maybe you should talk to him."

Steve paled. That voice was way too familiar. Sharon's lips were pressed together as she looked over Steve's shoulder. Tony stood behind them with a curious grin on his face.

"Hi, Dr. Stark," Sharon said quickly, "I was just leaving to check on my patient."

"Me too—"

Steve began chasing after Sharon before he was cut off by Tony's arm blocking the way. Steve rolled his eyes as he was quickly directed to a stairwell around the corner. Tony kissed the blond's cheek and was surprised to be met with a bit of hesitation.

"What is going on with you?"

"Nothing," Steve sighed, "I need to check on my patients, Tony."

"Are you...trying to end this?" The pain in Tony's eyes just about shattered Steve's heart.

Steve's eyes widened. "What? No! I'm just-"

"I know we've been—intimate—but I really do want to be in this with you, Steve." Tony took a step forward, and suddenly Steve couldn't think straight. The subtle scent of Tony's cologne sent his mind reeling. "I like you. I-I want to be with you."

"Who were you talking to on the phone this morning?" Steve sounded so stupid, so childish, but he couldn't help but blurt it out. Tony paused, and it only took that split second of delayed response that confirmed Steve's suspicions.

The neurosurgeon panicked now. He didn't want to lie, but he wasn't ready to tell Steve the truth. Rhodey barely knew the whole truth; he wasn't sure if he was ready to accept it either.

"Okay, you got me." He took a breath. "I...a colleague in New York was trying to convince me to come back. We were close, and they were just...being a little too insistent. I had an early morning, and you caught me having a bad conversation on a bad day."

Steve sighed. "Oh my God. I sound like a complete jackass. I thought you were talking to your ex, then I felt like we barely knew each other, then I was panicking and spiraling, and then someone else brought up the word boyfriend—"

The intern chuckled as Tony leaned forward and kissed him, letting all the stress melt away from his body. It was suddenly the two of them again, just the two of them in a staircase, without bosses or residents or exes to worry about, and all he needed right now was Tony. Finally, the brunet pulled away and pressed his forehead to Steve's.

"Steve, will you go steady with me?" Tony squeezed Steve's hand.

Steve smirked. " _God_ , what century is this?"

"Just say yes."

The blond rolled his eyes and nodded. "Yes, Tony."

Tony pressed his lips to Steve's again, trying to shake the horrifying guilt that racked his body. It wasn't exactly a lie, it was just part of the story. They left out parts of the story to patients all the time, to help them recover faster or to spare them the fear of surgeries and procedures. Tony didn't lie, not exactly. He just wasn't ready to tell the story yet. He just hoped that Steve wouldn't hate him if he ever found out the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes. one direction influenced the chapter title.


	6. It's All Fun and Games Until...

The interns were on trauma and neuro rotation for the first few months of their internship, and now their latest rotation was cardiothoracic surgery. This excited Natasha the most; she couldn't stop babbling that entire morning.

For some reason, Steve didn't want to leave trauma or neuro. Seeing Tony's cases and being able to work together always excited him, and trauma was anything but uninteresting. He had grown so used to those two specialties, it was odd to think about doing anything else.

He just missed Tony more than anything.

He was probably being dramatic. He always was like that, jumping to conclusions and thinking the worst when it came to relationship troubles. Ever since Steve mentioned Tony talking to his ex, it was as if something changed slightly between them. Tony was still wonderful to him; treating him on dates, making meals if he could. Only now, there was a bit of doubt that crept into Steve's mind whenever Tony declined calls from the same person three or four times a day, or when Tony finally took the call outside of the room.

Again, Steve was probably just being dramatic. He tried to remember that when Tony handed him a cup of coffee. Steve liked his coffee light and sweet, something Tony always teased him about, since the neurosurgeon always took the coffee black. Tony didn't kiss him, not here in the hospital, but he let his hand brush against Steve briefly before backing away.

"Have a good morning," Tony said. Steve could only nod in response instead of kiss him on the cheek like he wanted to, since Wilson was watching.

The blonde quickly followed the rest of the interns and Wilson to the cardio unit, where they were greeted by Dr. Danvers. She stopped them before letting them enter the patient's room.

"This patient is pretty special to me," she began, "any changes you seen in this patient, _anything_ , you page me. Page me twenty times if you have to, even if I'm in surgery." The all nodded in agreement before going into the room.

The young boy in the hospital bed sat up straighter in response to seeing his favorite doctor. The boy glanced at his mom before standing up to greet Dr. Danvers with a hug. The cardiothoracic surgeon had looked so serious just moments ago, but all of that melted away when she took the boy into her arms. He squeezed her tight enough to rouse laughter from Dr. Danvers.

"Easy there, buddy, save your strength for surgery, okay?" Dr. Danvers turned to the rest of the group. "Who's presenting?"

Bucky stepped forward. "Tommy Evans, eight, born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Corrective surgery had been done when he was an infant, but he's back because of some fluid build up around his heart and arrhythmias."

Tommy glanced up at Dr. Danvers, instinctively reaching for her hand. She squeezed it and turned back to the interns. "We're waiting for a new heart for our little guy here. While we wait, I need you guys to monitor his labs, monitor his stats, and page me with anything. Seriously, anything. Mr. Evans is my top priority today."

The interns stood idle in the patient room before following Dr. Danvers and Wilson into the hallway. Natasha tentatively raised her hand.

"If we're just waiting for a transplant...is there really anything else we can do?"

Dr. Danvers was stoic again. "I'm really hopeful for him right now. He's at the top of the transplant list. Call UNOS every hour for updates, please."

Natasha's brow furrowed. "But if he's stable and we're just waiting, are we just—"

"Do you have any other ideas on getting a brand new heart, Dr. Romanoff? Because by all means, please let me know. He is weak and having consistent arrhythmias, and we can treat the fluid build ups for now." She barely bat an eyelash upon Natasha's surprise. "It may seem like we're just waiting around, but that boy wouldn't be safer at home waiting for a transplant while his heart beats and builds up more fluid at home, where it could kill him if we don't get to it in time."

Dr. Danvers collected her charts and reminded the interns once more about paging her. The interns were silent, not daring to move or breathe until she was out of their presence. Wilson snickered.

"I meant to warn you," Wilson said, "you do not question Carol Danvers. She's one of the best in the country; she knows more than you ever will."

Wilson clapped her on the back before going into his own surgeries. "That kid is your responsibility today. Check on my post and pre ops, but today, Tommy Evans is the one patient you can't kill today."

Bucky snickered once Wilson was finally out of earshot. "Holy shit, she scared the hell out of me. It was kinda hot."

Before anyone could respond, Natasha grabbed Wilson's charting and left the station with a huff.

Steve punched the soldier's arm. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What? She would normally find that kind of shit funny!" Bucky stared at the interns in disbelief. "Oh, come on, you guys."

"It's not funny to her anymore," Sharon said. She shared the same scowl that Natasha had on her face before she left the station. Before they knew it, the boys were left alone, with Bucky's jaw nearly hitting the floor.

Steve scoffed and shook his head. Bucky rolled his eyes. "Come on! Do you know something?"

"I know that you gotta stop being an idiot if you're still into Romanoff," Steve said simply. He wasn't going to give it all away; Bucky had to figure it out for himself sometimes.

Ever since Bucky's first solo surgery, it seemed to be an unspoken thing that Natasha was his person now. They studied together every chance they could, they were always found together in the tunnels, if Steve was looking for Nat, he could probably find Bucky close by, too. He was sure they were together at this point, but Bucky didn't seem to mention anything about the matter.

"I don't get why she's so pissed at me these days," Bucky sighed. He searched Steve's face for an answer. Steve felt an urge to say something, and Bucky lit up when the blond's lip twitched slightly. "You know something! You shithead, Rogers, you know something!"

Steve tried to keep a straight face. One early morning, before Bucky arrived in the locker room, he had overheard the girls talking about the soldier and his inability to "make a move." They immediately hushed when Steve walked over to their lockers, and instead smiled on and gossiped about the nurses instead. So yeah, he knew, but he wasn't going to make it easy for Bucky.

"Just talk to her," Steve insisted, "I'm not Nat. I'm not her best friend. She's not gonna tell me stuff about you."

Bucky snapped his fingers. "You're right. I gotta go to Sharon."

"You're an idiot!" Steve called out. The soldier hushed him and ran off to find the other blonde intern.

* * *

Dr. Stark had been trained to steer from the whole truth. They weren't supposed to lie to their patients, but sometimes, bending the truth turned out better for their recovery. Omitting certain details also proved to keep families sane, too. Parents worried less about their children, letting the surgeons focus during procedures rather than having to update them frequently during surgery. Patients had quicker, better recoveries instead of coming back due to complications. It wasn't full on _lying_ , but leaving a little bit of the truth out always worked in the favor of the patients.

He didn't lie to Steve. What he told him about the call, it was _part_ of the truth. So technically, there was no harm in what he said.

No matter how many times he tried to reassure himself, guilt left a heavy feeling in his gut.

He was thankful that the interns were on cardio rotation this week. They had been circulating around with neuro and trauma the past few months, which had been fun for Tony for a while. Sneaking glances at his favorite blond, catching him blushing still even after all these weeks of being together. There was a bit of a thrill, working with Steve during the day and being able to see him at night. It was against the rules, and the risk usually excited him. But now, there was more risk than being caught at work. One goddamn phone call at the wrong time was ruining his life.

Tony could feel Steve's uneasiness whenever he stepped out of the room to take a call. Even when he'd assure the blond that he was just taking a private call about a consult, he knew Steve was curious. Although he was getting normal calls from his parents or friends, he felt the need to cover himself. After one little white lie, they just kept coming.

_"My old cases from New York needed consults."_

_"My parents called me about some financial stuff."_

_"An old buddy from residency called me. Wanted to see if Chicago had an opening for him."_

And even with Steve smiling after the explanation, he was tired of feeling guilty. He was tired of having to avoid Steve's glances at the nurses' station, tired of kissing him and feeling his whole body grow heavy, tired of tiptoeing.

He was drowning, sinking, and there was only one person who could help him out of this.

Tony arrived in the doctor's lounge with two cups of coffee in hand. Rhodey was napping on one of the couches with a note taped to his forehead:

"Don't wake me unless your patient is dying."

Tony sat on the couch next to his best friend, scooting up close enough that their hips were touching. The neurosurgeon leaned on Rhodey's shoulder, wiggling slightly to wake him.

Rhodey didn't even need to open his eyes. "Tony, you better have a damn good reason as to why you're waking me up right now."

"My God, honey bear, no need to be rude," Tony gasped, "I brought you coffee. And you're gonna drink it because you love me. And because you need to help me."

Rhodey finally opened his eyes and took the coffee cup. "What shit did you get into this time?"

"I...killed someone."

Rhodey raised an eyebrow. "Tony."

"Okay, okay, okay." The neurosurgeon took a breath. "I'm kind of seeing someone. Dating someone."

There was a beat of silence before Rhodey cleared his throat. "Well, are you happy?"

"I am, actually." Tony paused. "I didn't think you'd be supportive."

Rhodey frowned. "No matter what happened in New York, I'm still going to support you, okay? Even if you killed someone, you know I'd help you hide the body. Idiot."

The trauma surgeon grabbed Tony's hand and squeezed. Tony couldn't help but feel a little bit overwhelmed yet relieved at the same time. He threw his arms around his best friend and sighed. Even when the world was falling apart, he had Rhodey.

They sat back on the couch, and Rhodey wrapped his arm around Tony. "That's what you needed help with? To tell me that you're dating someone?"

"One more thing. He's an intern." Tony sighed. "I know, I know. It's against the rules, _blah, blah, blah_. That's not the problem. I keep getting calls."

Rhodey sat up straighter. "Not from..."

"Yup."

"Okay." Rhodey faced Tony and set his coffee down. "You can't be pissed at me—"

Tony paled. "If you're the reason why they won't stop calling me—"

"The company asked me where you went, Tones!" Rhodey exclaimed. "I can only keep up the 'leave of absence' bullshit for so long. People talk, Tony. And when you work for Nick Fury, everyone knows."

Tony grew silent again, thinking about ways to run damage control. He could just block the calls entirely. Call his old company in New York, apologize for leaving on such short notice, maybe explain everything—

"Tones. Don't be mad." Rhodey studied his best friend's face. "I didn't say anything about why you left. I only said it was leave of absence. After that, I got a call asking if you were hired by Nick Fury. I only responded yes, then they stopped calling me."

"Okay." Tony leaned back on the couch. "Anyway, uh. The intern doesn't know about New York. But he's probably going to find out real soon. And I'm in deep shit."

* * *

"Did you say anything to Bucky?"

Sharon was short compared to Steve, but that didn't mean he wasn't intimidated at the moment. The blonde intern was probably one of the sweetest people in their class; staff, patients, and families absolutely adored her. There were rare instances where she was caught without a welcoming smile on her face— to be on the receiving end of one of her glares was definitely something Steve did not enjoy.

Steve shook his head vigorously. "No, I didn't."

"Why is he hounding me about Nat?" Sharon folded her arms. "You know something."

"God, can you guys just talk to each other?" Steve sighed. "I didn't say anything, Sharon, I swear. I told him to talk to Nat instead of being a twelve year old, but it looks like Army Tags isn't listening."

Sharon looked at him curiously. "He said something about a party. After he bugged me about Nat, he told me that I should go to your place tonight."

As if on cue, Bucky ran up to the nurses' station, panting as he tried to catch his breath. He threw his charts on the counter and forced a smile on his face.

"Rogers suggested that we have a party for all the interns!" Bucky wrapped his arm around Steve, pinching where Sharon couldn't see. "Isn't that right, Blondie?"

"Right!" Steve grinned. "I-I said it would be fun to have a party, we all deserve it, right? A-and Bucky is planning everything, I guess. You guys are invited, obviously."

Sharon shook her head and laughed. "Alright, we'll be at your little party. After everyone's shifts, I'm assuming?"

Bucky nodded. "Tell all the interns. And maybe the nurses—" Steve nudged him and he groaned in response— "j-just the interns."

Sharon rolled her eyes and gathered her paperwork to return to Wilson. Steve waited until Sharon got onto the elevator before throwing his pen at his friend.

_"Are you fucking crazy?"_

"Dude, let me have this! I'm trying to make it up to Nat!"

"You could have invited her on a date, you dumbass!" Steve sighed. "Whatever. I'm not paying for any booze or food. That's on you. You better make a move on Nat tonight or I'll tell her that one guy in radiology is into her."

Just as Bucky tried to thank him, Natasha and Sharon returned to the cardiac unit, following Dr. Wilson into Tommy Evan's room. Steve and Bucky were quick to follow. Despite arguments and squabbles among the interns, they worked effortlessly together during a code.

Steve and Bucky quickly escorted Tommy's mother out of the room while Natasha and Sharon stood beside Wilson. Sharon reached for a large needle out of the cart, and warned Bucky to keep Tommy's mother away from the child. Dr. Wilson kept calm and instructed Sharon to pierce the boy's chest to remove the excess fluid around the boy's heart. Even with the removal of the fluid, the monitors still blared and alerted them that they still need to do more.

Suddenly, all their pagers go off. Dr. Rhodes was paging them to the ER.

"Rogers! Barnes! Answer Rhodes' page. And call Danvers again before you get down there!"

They nodded wordlessly and ran to the pit, where they were met by doctors and nurses alike scrambling to take in the bodies. Dr. Rhodes noticed the interns and ushered them into a trauma room.

"Daniela Sanchez, nine years old, intern injuries as well as injuries to to the head after a car crash," The paramedic explained. "We've been trying to maintain her pulse but she keeps crashing."

Bucky felt sick when looked down at the little girl. The laceration on her temple was deep, nearly cutting into the bone. He grabbed the paddles and shouted at Steve to keep clear. All hands were off.

"Clear!"

Bucky shocked her heart, once, twice, three times, until her heart was beating. She was breathing, but something wasn't right. Steve checked her pupils. Unreactive.

"Buck, look." Steve shined the light on her eyes again. The soldier looked grim. "I think she's—

"Don't think. Tell me what you know, Rogers." The tone in Dr. Rhodes' voice only confirmed Steve's initial diagnosis.

"She's brain dead, sir."

* * *

Talking to dead kids' families never got any easier. All the interns had done it at some point; they had to. Even after months of practice, having to tell the family there was nothing they could do, having them scream, wail, and sob—it never got any easier. Especially if it was a kid.

Even with Dr. Rhodes by their side, the interns found it impossible to find the right words to tell the Sanchez family that their little girl did not survive the car crash. She was the only one in the car who did not make it. Steve felt sick to his stomach watching the mother fall apart in Bucky's arms.

Sharon and Natasha didn't seem to have any good news either.

"Tommy keeps crashing," Nat explained. "Dr. Danvers said she didn't think it would get this bad so quickly. They need a heart today."

"Today we declared a little girl brain dead." Bucky sounded far away, distant. "She was nine."

Nat and Sharon stood beside Bucky; Nat let herself lean against him just a little. Sharon squeezed his hand. "You did everything you could. Don't keep thinking about it."

Steve sat up a little. "This might be shitty of me, but...there's a heart for Tommy now."

Bucky glared at him. "Dude, what the hell?"

"No, stop," Natasha cut in, "Steve is right. They're about the same age. Is the family still here?"

Steve nodded. Bucky stood up angrily.

"She just died!" Bucky spat. "Can't you wait like two seconds before asking their parents to give their baby's heart to another kid?"

"Buck, come on, she wasn't a baby—"

_"She was only nine!"_

Nat reached for his arm tentatively, and Bucky relaxed a little bit. "Hey. I know it's hard, but it won't be a total loss if that little girl's heart goes to someone else. C'mon, let's go tell Danvers and Rhodes about the situation."

They walked off arm in arm while Sharon and Steve were at the station, watching Tommy and his mother in their room. The mother was sound asleep next to the little boy.

"Am I really being shitty? For wanting another kid to live?"

Sharon shook her head. "There are kids involved. It's all shitty."

* * *

The interns watched from afar as Dr. Danvers and Dr. Rhodes explained how Daniela's heart would help Tommy live. Through tearful eyes, the Sanchez family signed the paperwork.

During surgery, the interns were allowed to scrub in. Nat stood next to Bucky, who only wished to observe. Sharon and Steve were able to get up close, holding suction and retractors for Dr. Danvers.

The cardiothoracic surgeon tried not to show it, but she was ecstatic that her patient received a heart. Her eyes lit up when the brand new heart beat inside Tommy's chest. Bucky felt sick, knowing that the heart inside that chest belonged to a little girl who was playing with dolls just this morning. Kissing her parents goodbye before school. Seeing them right after soccer practice. Crying out for her mom before she died.

He left the surgery once the heart was removed off bypass.

"Dr. Danvers, I think I'll scrub out early and alert the family," Steve said.

Danvers nodded. "Quick thinking today with a transplant. You interns aren't half bad."

Back in the locker room, Steve sat next to his friend. The soldier was laying down on the bench, still donning the scrub cap.

"Hey, Buck."

"Mm."

"A kid was saved today," Steve said gently, "It wasn't a complete loss."

Bucky sighed. "I know. I just feel weird. I don't know."

"Maybe your party will make you feel better," Steve teased.

Bucky sat up and sighed. "They don't tell you about this. The shit that hurts so bad you can't breathe. It's horrible."

Steve nodded. "Yeah."

The soldier stood up and went to his locker, changing back into street clothing. The girls returned soon after, updating them about Tommy's surgery. His stats immediately improved once he was back in the room.

"You okay?" Nat asked Bucky.

Bucky nodded. "I am. Thanks, Nat."

"I'll see you at the party?" Her lips turned up ever so slightly, and Bucky would never admit it, but he swooned.

"Yeah, you will, Romanoff."

Sharon giggled and dragged Nat out of the locker room, bidding the boys goodbye for now, until the party back at Steve's apartment. Steve snickered as Bucky watched Nat leaving the room.

"You guys made fun of me for being so into Stark, but here you are drooling all over your locker."

"Shut up, Rogers. I'll see you at the apartment."

Steve sighed. "Can we skip the party now that you and Nat made up?"

"Oh, Rogers, we'd be denying everyone a party!" Bucky winked. "All the morning nurses will be pretty upset at me if we canceled. I also promised booze, and no one wants to turn down drinks."

The soldier left with a smirk on his face, leaving Steve as the last intern to pack up his stuff. He was just about to leave for his apartment when he got a text from Tony.

**"On-call room on fourth floor?"**

He grinned, and he texted back right away, saying that he'd be on his way there. First, he chased down Bucky, throwing him a spare set of keys so he could get into the apartment. The soldier promised that he'd take care of the apartment until Steve got there and reminded him not to be late. Then, he made his way to find Tony.

The neurosurgeon was still in scrubs, laying in the bottom bunk and scrolling through his phone. He immediately sat up once he saw his favorite blonde coming in the doors. But, almost immediately, he felt the familiar pang of guilt he'd been feeling all week. Tony finally decided it was time to tell Steve, just to tell him the truth now instead of later—

Instead, Steve just fell into him and kissed him deeply. He shrugged off his backpack and his jacket then returned his hands to Tony's hair, one of his favorite parts about him. Tony hummed in surprise, meeting Steve's lips and trying to breathe as he was pushed into the bed.

"I missed you," Steve breathed between kisses, "I had a long day..."

"I like when you miss me," Tony replied, "but maybe—maybe we can slow down—"

"Where's the fun in that, sweetheart?" Steve winked before removing Tony's scrub top and kissing his chest.

Tony leaned back and sighed. The truth could wait a night.

"Say, the nurses are talking about getting wasted at some party," Tony panted, "talking about some party at a pretty blond's place."

"We can go there for some drinks then come back here," Steve replied. He tugged off his own shirt and pants before returning his lips to Tony's body. "Or we can just stay here. Your choice."

The brunet smiled mischievously before pulling in Steve for another deep kiss and letting his hands wander his body. He relished the moan that left Steve's lips. Steve was just so goddamn _addictive_ , somehow both sweet and so goddamn pretty that he could barely _think_ —

Both of them were so engrossed in the other that they almost don't notice the lights flashing on and Wilson coming through the door.

Wilson stopped in his tracks. He wasn't usually surprised to see this much skin in an on-call room; people did a lot of crazy shit in the hospital. Seeing who was naked in the sheets in on-call room was what startled him. Steve locked eyes with his bosses and immediately froze. 

"Rogers. Good to see you...resting."

"Dr. Wilson—"

"Goodnight, Rogers."

_Shit._


	7. Until Someone Gets Hurt

"Steve, Steve! It's okay."

Steve shook his head while pulling his jeans back on. "It's _not_ okay, Tony. Shit, I really thought I locked the door..."

Tony slipped his arms back into his lab coat and sighed. Steve was in a frenzy now, red as a tomato from embarrassment, talking a million words a minute.

"...and now Wilson's gonna kick my ass, _holy shit_ what if he tells Fury—"

Tony finally stood up and locked the door before easing Steve back into the bed with him. Instead of kissing him, he wrapped his arms around the intern. He hushed him gently.

"People are screwing in the on-call rooms and the supply closets all the time." Tony said softly. "I'm sure you're not the first intern who fucked his boss."

Steve sat up and pouted. "Tony! This isn't funny. We could be in serious trouble."

"There are no set rules in this hospital against dating your boss. It's frowned upon, but not illegal," Tony reassured him. "It would be different if you were just using me to get in on surgeries and sleep your way to the top. Are you sleeping your way to the top, Rogers? Were all these weeks and months just a ploy to get good surgeries?"

The intern smirked as he eased back into the bed. "Oh, absolutely."

"God. I can't believe how shallow you are." Tony scoffed. "Here I was thinking you liked me and you'd invite me to your little party back at your place."

"I do like you." Steve paused. "I like you a lot, and that's why I was so scared of Wilson finding out."

Tony traced his finger tips on the back of Steve's hands. " _A lot_ a lot?"

Steve chuckled. "Yes, Tony. I like you _a lot_ a lot. Like you said a while back, this isn't a fling. This isn't just a short-term thing for me." There was a beat of silence as Steve mustered up the courage to keep going. "I'm in this for real, i-if you want me to be."

For a few minutes, there was silence. Steve immediately wanted to take back what he said; he felt his heart racing and his hands getting clammy. He felt like a fool in the seconds, minutes, and what felt like hours for Tony to respond.

The neurosurgeon was quiet for a bit until he squeezed Steve tightly. "I'm in this, too, Blondie."

He hated the way he felt when Steve turned over and kissed him. He forced a smile as Steve stood up and adjusted his clothing.

"Are you trying to get wasted at my place? I heard there are going to be lots of nurses and booze."

Tony laughed, a weight lifting off his chest briefly. "With the whole surgical unit at your apartment, I don't think it'll help if everyone sees us."

Steve leaned down and kissed him. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Tony hummed in agreement, trying to ignore the twisting in his stomach. He wanted to tell Steve, he wanted to so badly. The messages and voicemails driving him insane. Maybe they could live in their perfect little bubble. Where they had each other, and nothing else to worry about.

Maybe.

* * *

As Steve returned to the apartment, he was surprised to hear muffled music echoing from his place. There were definitely too many people in that apartment. When he entered, the whole room cheered upon his arrival. Everyone definitely had the chance to get the alcohol into their system; people who never would have interacted with each other were laughing and dancing. It was so odd to see so many people in his apartment, especially coworkers he barely knew.

"Stevie!" Natasha ran up to him and hiccuped. "You made it!"

Sharon joined the redhead, looping her arm with Steve's. "Just about every intern in our class is here...and Bucky invited some of the OR nurses, too!"

Bucky came around the corner with two beers beer in hand and wrapped his arm around Natasha, who leaned against him. Steve raised his eyebrows at the soldier and smirked.

"Hey Buck," Steve said as he took a beer, "Quite the party you put together."

"All thanks to you, Stevie!" Bucky raised his glass. "To Steve!"

Others around him followed his lead, only not everyone toasted to the blond's namesake. Some of the other party goers cheered on about something else, clearly too intoxicated and deafened by the music. Bucky downed his bottle fairly quickly and sighed in content. Natasha and Sharon continued drinking some fruity drink out of their red cups, giggling and hiccuping around Bucky, who seemed to be going on about his med school days. Steve slipped away from them and went to the kitchen to get them glasses of water.

There were a few nurses in the kitchen, pouring themselves the fruity concoction into red cups. They immediately hushed when Steve entered the room. There was a bit of whispering among them before one of them, one of nurses who directed him to radiology months ago, went up to him.

"Hey there, Dr. Blondie." She sipped her drink for a bit more courage.

"That nick name is never gonna leave me, huh?" Steve smiled as he poured three glasses of water. "Your name's Megan, right?"

She nodded. "It's just a cute nick name. A cute name for a cute guy like you."

The intern laughed. Usually, comments like that would have embarrassed him, but since everyone seemed to be plastered, there was comfort in knowing they wouldn't remember tomorrow. He chuckled and offered her some water. "Thanks, Megan. Have some water."

Megan took the glass from Steve and let her fingertips linger on his skin. "Are you still seein' that neurosurgeon?"

Steve froze. "Um, what?"

"I was there when Dr. Model asked you out," Megan slurred. "But I was wondering if that was over."

Steve was speechless. The nurses behind Megan didn't try to stop their laughter now; seeing Steve's reaction only furthered the giggling. The intern cleared his throat and poured more glasses of water for them. They were just drunk—they had no idea what they were talking about.

When Steve returned to the living room, he found Sharon and Natasha sitting on either side of Bucky on the couch. Beer bottles and red cups littered the coffee table, and it was clear that his friends had their fair share of alcohol for the night. He took their drinks and replaced them with water. They immediately protested.

_"Stevie!"_

_"That's no fun!"_

_"What the hell, Rogers?"_

Steve's brow furrowed. "We might be called in tomorrow, you know. A day off is never a real day off for interns. You guys know that."

Sharon leaned on Steve. "It's a party, Steve. What would a party be without a little booze and dancing?"

"It's not just a _little_ booze," Steve replied, glaring at Bucky. "We should send everyone home."

"Have another drink, Rogers!" Bucky exclaimed. "You're so fuckin' uptight these days. Forget about Stark, forget about the internship for one night!"

Bucky's voice grew a little loud enough for the surrounding people to hear. People whispered among themselves, snickering a little. There was a sheepish, apologetic look on the soldier's face, and he sunk into the couch upon seeing Steve's reaction.

Steve shouldn't have cared. He shouldn't have cared about the way people snickered and glanced at him like he was something to be ridiculed; people in the hospital always had relationships, why was his situation any different? He hated the way anger boiled in his chest, especially with the way some of the other interns looked at him.

One of the interns who had bet on Bucky's surgery sat on the arm rest near Steve was sitting. He reeked of cheap beer, and he slung his arm over Steve's shoulder. The other arm held a beer.

"Where's your boyfriend, Rogers?" He slurred. Steve couldn't think of his name; maybe it was John or Jake. All he remembered was that he hated the idiot's smile more than anything. "Aren't you supposed to be getting it on in the on-call rooms?"

Steve slid out from the intern's arm, trying his hardest to hold his tongue. "You've had enough, buddy."

When Steve tried to pry the bottle out of his hands, the intern shoved him a little. "Back the hell up, Rogers. Don't fuckin' touch me."

The blond was ready to knock the idiot's teeth in, but instead, he held his hands up in surrender. "Let me get you a water bottle or something. Smells like you've had a few too many beers."

Steve moved to lead the drunken intern into the kitchen, but he was met with another shove. "I said don't fucking touch me, fag!"

The room somehow grew quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Even the music stopped. Blood rushed in Steve's ears. Somewhere behind him, probably Sharon's voice, calling out to him. Saying something how Jake wasn't worth the trouble. At least Steve learned his name now. Still, the anger that was surging through Steve's body took him over, and before he could stop himself, he threw his fist against the intern's jaw. There was a sickening crush of bone meeting bone. The beer bottle shattered on the floor, snapping Steve out of his trance.

The intern stumbled back, dazed and looking nauseous. Still, he grinned when Steve locked eyes with him. "That all you got, pretty boy? Didn't think you'd have the balls to do anything."

Steve lunged at him his time, grabbing him by the shirt and throwing him against the wall. The drunk intern braced himself this time, underestimating Steve's strength. The cut on Jake's face stopped him; he didn't want to get suspended at work because of some idiot. Steve let go of the man's shirt. Sharon was close behind, tugging at Steve to move away.

"Party's over." Steve turned around to face everyone else. "I'll call cabs if you're too drunk to get out of here. Meet me in the building lobby downstairs."

Bucky ran out to the hall, holding an ice pack in his hands. "Steve, I'm sorry. I didn't think this would happen—"

"Sit down and drink water," Steve replied sharply, "Make sure Nat and Sharon get some water too. You guys can crash here tonight. I'm sending everyone else home."

Steve felt like a babysitter, only instead of children, he was sending drunken doctors and nurses back home. The future of medicine, sent home half asleep and guaranteed for a hangover. Before sending Jake into his cab, Steve threw the ice pack at him.

He grinned and pointed to his face. "For that nasty cut."

Jake flashed him a fake smile before getting into a cab with a couple of his roommates. Steve leaned into the cab doors and looked at the driver. "He said he'd pay for this one."

The intern laughed to himself as Jake stared at him in disbelief. The cab drove away before Jake could protest, and Steve made a point to wave goodbye until they were no longer in sight. They were the last group to leave the apartment complex, so Steve went back up to his place.

Steve was lucky to get such a nice apartment. It was a lot of space for one person with no roommates. It was a great apartment, but right now, it was _trashed_. Beer bottles and cups scattered every inch of counter space and any table he had. The furniture had been moved around, there were some alcohol stains on the rug in the living room. Just thinking about cleaning the apartment exhausted him.

Sharon and Natasha were splayed out on the couch, with the redhead in Sharon's lap. They looked so comfortable, but Steve had to wake them. He ushered them into his room. They immediately started kicking off their shoes and got under the covers. He set down bottles of water for them and their hangovers in the morning.

He met Bucky in the living room, where he was quickly falling asleep on the couch. The soldier's eyes opened when he saw Steve entering the room again.

"Steve, I'm sorry everything got out of hand—"

"It's not your fault," Steve cut him off. "Let's get you to bed."

"I didn't say anything," Bucky insisted. "I don't want you to not trust me, Stevie."

"I know, Buck." Steve should have known people would talk. He just didn't expect people would still be calling him names as if they were still in high school. "Don't worry about it. People talk. It's fine."

Bucky mumbled more apologies as Steve led him to the other couch in the spare bedroom. Soon enough, the soldier quickly fell asleep. Once everyone was settled, Steve went back to the living room, not bothering to clean up the mess. That would be a tomorrow problem.

* * *

The next morning, all the interns were startled by the sound of their pagers going off. Steve heard the others groan upon hearing the incessant beeping. The blond forced himself off the couch and turned on the coffee maker.

"Who has their car here?"

Bucky groaned. "Stop talking so loud."

"Sharon drove," Natasha called out from the master bedroom. She was the first one up, and she had Sharon's arm looped with her own, dragging her since she wasn't fully up yet.

"Get up and get your coffee." Steve checked his pager. "They said it's 911. There must be a trauma."

The other interns could barely move or walk without complaining, so it was up to babysitter Steve to make sure they didn't look too ridiculous when they answered the trauma today. The women looked like they were playing dress up in Steve's scrubs that were far too big for them; Bucky looked far sicker than the other two. They all felt a little better with coffee and the junk breakfast Steve picked up on the way.

Before they stepped out of the car, Steve looked back at them.

"Don't throw up on any patients." Steve handed them more cups of coffee. "Sober up or Wilson will kill us."

They nodded wordlessly, sipping away at their coffee. All the surgical staff and interns were running toward the ER doors, and they followed suit. Several ambulances pulled up, and the interns quickly donned gowns and gloves.

Battered and bloodied victims came in through the ambulances, and Steve's group of interns were assigned to a pregnant woman who was accompanied by a civilian. The civilian had her hands on the woman's chest, despite the paramedics listing off the details.

"Laura Peterson, 32 weeks pregnant, in a car accident this morning," the paramedic explained, "fetal distress on the monitors—"

"This baby needs to come out." The civilian who was holding the woman's chest had bloody hands. "Some shards of glass cut into her side. I'm a doctor, I was at the scene. Nasty pile up on the freeway."

There were several cuts on the woman's face. Her strawberry blonde hair was streaked with blood.

"Ma'am, maybe we can get you looked at too—" Steve moved to take her place at the woman's chest.

"I'm not the patient," She urged, "get me a gown and some gloves."

Steve knew better than to question her; though he didn't know her, she seemed to know more about the woman's case than he did. The rest of the interns followed suit as they were all lead into the trauma room.

"Pupil's blown," Sharon called out. "We need to call Dr. Stark."

Out of the corner his eye, Steve could have sworn he saw the doctor pausing before carrying on with her exam. She hushed everyone as she waited to hear a heartbeat from the pregnant woman's abdomen. A weak, slowing heartbeat echoed through the trauma room.

"Book an OR now," The doctor instructed. She turned back to her patient, putting her stethoscope to the woman's chest.

Just as they were preparing to take the woman upstairs, Dr. Stark and Dr. Rhodes finally entered the trauma room. The interns made way for the doctors, letting them quickly examine the patient. Dr. Stark looked at the scans up on the wall, confirming that she had a brain bleed.

"Good to see you, Dr. Stark."

It was as if someone poured ice water down Tony's back. The strawberry blonde hair looked familiar, but he didn't think twice since the woman was looking down at the patient. When she finally looked up, she smiled.

"Don't be so surprised, Tony." The doctor put up the guard rails on the patient bed. "Pregnant women and their fetuses are my specialty, you know."

Tony couldn't think. Couldn't breathe. He was suddenly very aware that Steve was in the room, and he wished the earth would swallow him whole. That he'd disappear. Or that she would disappear.

"Pepper." Tony finally choked out. "You're here."

"If you'd answered my phone calls these days, you'd know." She clicked her tongue. "Well, which one of you is Steve Rogers?"

All eyes were trained on Steve now. The intern raised his hand, then extended it to Pepper, who was holding hers out.

"I'm Pepper. Pepper Potts- _Stark_."

 


	8. Aftermath

Steve really liked detective drama shows. Whether they were extremely over the top or based on true crime, the shows were his guilty pleasure. Any chance that he got a break from his studies or work, he would be curled up on the couch and binging episodes that he missed.

He could never guess what was about to happen next. Every plot twist, ever unsuspecting detail that turned out to be major evidence in solving the crime, he never thought to except it. When he still lived with Sarah, she'd constantly tease him for the look of surprise when they revealed who the culprit was.

"It was right under your nose the whole time, Stevie."

Steve scoffed. "C'mon Ma, it was not that obvious."

Sarah would only laugh as her son gorged himself on more popcorn and turned on another episode. No matter what, even if it was easy to guess for others, Steve loved the element of surprise and the thrill of not knowing what was going to happen next.

There wasn't much of a thrill now, standing frozen in the middle of the trauma room with Tony while shaking hands with his _wife_.

There was no time to talk. No time to get an explanation for what was going on. The handshake was brief as the attendings went up to the OR to scrub and prepare for surgery. The rest of the interns were sent back to the pit for non-emergent patients. There was such a shock upon meeting Dr. Potts-Stark that the interns had no idea how to comfort Steve.

Steve was on auto-pilot. Truthfully, he was glad that they weren't sent to the ORs and instead were left to help where the attendings couldn't. All critical patients were already taken up to surgery or already admitted by other residents and attendings; all the interns had to do was stitch up patients or run to the blood bank in case people needed transfusions. Steve didn't mind the busy work at all; he desperately wanted something, anything else to focus on.

He couldn't help but think about Pepper. How pretty she was. No, she wasn't pretty; she was beautiful. Surreal, in a way. Even when she was soaked in blood after getting cuts from a car accident, she was still beautiful. She looked like a movie star right at eight in the morning, as if she didn't need much sleep to look as flawless as she did. Her eyes were blue like his, but hers were different. They were brighter, like clear water at the beach. She wasn't pretty, she was breathtaking.

Steve daydreamed about the strawberry blonde as he floated from patient to patient, taking orders from nurses and the resident on call. Sharon pulled him aside when the chaos died down a bit, as the last car accident victim was checked in and admitted. They wandered into one of the supply closets.

"Hey." She squeezed his arm. "Steve, um, do you want me to run and get you some coffee?"

Steve sighed and grabbed more blankets. "Kid in bed five said he was cold. I gotta go."

"Steve—"

"Sharon." He tried taking in a breath, but it was like the air couldn't quite get into his lungs. "Let me just...let me go. I can't talk about this."

Sharon took a step forward, moving to hug him. "We don't have to talk about it."

"You can't hug me either." Steve stepped back, forcing himself to smile. "I love and appreciate you, Sharon, but..."

"You have to work or you'll break." Sharon nodded. "Okay, Rogers. I'm here when you need me. We all are."

Steve left the supply closet before he could let any of his emotions get the best of him. He was going to work, he was going to forget, just for a few hours, that he didn't spend months falling for a guy who was married.

* * *

Tony felt like there were cement blocks attached to his feet. He couldn't bring himself to move from his spot in the trauma room. All he could look at was Steve and the look of horror that spread across his face the minute Pepper said her name. All the dread that been consuming his thoughts in the last few weeks was no longer just a nightmare, it was a dream come true.

Time didn't feel real in the moments that passed afterwards. Tony found himself in the scrub room next to Pepper and Rhodey. The three of them together jarred memories of New York.

"This is quite the reunion," Pepper said abruptly. "My husband and his best friend."

Rhodey kept his mouth shut, though he didn't try to hide his jaw clenching. Pepper, surprisingly, followed suit. She was the first to finish scrubbing, and the second she left the room, Rhodey was talking a mile a minute.

"What the hell, Tony? Did you know she was coming? What is going on? What are you going to tell your...intern? Fury is calling a meeting once the trauma settles down. Did you know? Are you okay?"

"We have to save this mother so she can see her baby afterwards." Tony shook the excess water off his hands.

"Tones—!"

"I didn't tell Steve anything." Saying his name out loud made Tony's heart ache. "I was planning to tell him soon, to explain everything."

The surgery went smoothly. Soon after Pepper delivered the premature fetus, it was Tony's turn to operate on the patient. He was glad he didn't have Pepper in the room anymore; there were quite a few stares upon the realization that she was indeed his wife.

After the surgery was a different story. By then, Pepper was cleaned up and getting ready for the conference room meeting with Fury and the other attendings. Tony had gone to the attending locker room, where Pepper was adjusting her lab coat. The neurosurgeon turned on his heel when her voice stopped him.

"Tony." Her voice sounded soft. Small. "Can't we just talk?"

He faced her, surprised to see her eyes watering. "We talked a lot. After what happened. We didn't really get anywhere. Remember?"

She moved toward him, bringing him into the break room and shutting the door. Her hands were just as delicate and tiny as he remembered; she still wore the ring he gave her years ago. The sight made him nauseous and sad and angry all at once. But she was sad, and even after everything that happened in New York, he didn't have the heart to pull his hands away from hers.

"I missed you, Tony." She forced a smile. "I know, I-I made a mistake, but—"

Tony scoffed, dropping his hands from her grasp. "A mistake. You make it sound so simple. Like something you can fix."

"Please, listen to me." Tears fell from her eyes now. "That's why I came all the way out here. I wanted to make things right. A-and your father, he's worried about the hospital—"

"It was always about that damn hospital," Tony muttered. "I can't do this."

"You said you loved me." Pepper was angry now. There were still tears, but her eyes burned this time. "It might feel like a lifetime ago, but once, you said you loved me. For better or for worse, Tony, please, this is the worst of it. There will be better after this if you'd just listen to me!"

"It doesn't get better, Pep!" Tony bellowed. "Here you are talking about vows when you broke them! Don't you dare come to me talking about promises of how I loved you. Don't."

They stood across the room from each other, a war zone between them. Felt just like home, the way they were fighting. It was as if Tony never left New York in the first place. Before Pepper could respond, there was a gentle knock on the door.

"What?" Tony growled.

"I-I was assigned to Laura Peterson's case." The voice was shaky, but it was unmistakable. "It's Steve Rogers. I'm looking for Dr. Potts-Stark; I need the post op charts."

Pepper quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks and handed the intern some charts. "Dr. Stark and I will meet you in the patient's room. That'll be all, Steve."

Tony met Steve's eyes, silently urging, pleading.

_Stay. Please just stay and let me explain._

The intern left the room before either of them could say another word.

* * *

By lunchtime, anyone who had a hungover from last night's party started sobering up. News spread quickly, and the interns were met with stares and whispering for the entirety of their break.

Honestly, everyone finding out about the relationship with Stark wouldn't have bothered Steve. It would have been annoying to deal with the initial gossip and the stares. There were so many people working at this hospital; the odds of people not hooking up or dating were unlikely. People would talk about him and Tony but eventually move on— there was always something going on in the hospital.

Pepper's arrival made the gossiping worse. Now that knew about Steve and Tony, the drama was just that more interesting. The entire cafeteria was buzzing, and the interns tried their best to distract their friend.

"Did you see that they made chili today?" Natasha said. "I know you said it was your favorite."

She was getting a bit nervous now, since Steve noticed Jake and other interns and nurses gathered around him. It was hard to hear, but they knew exactly what he was talking about. Jake made no effort to hide the cut on his face; it was barely stitched up, as if he was begging for some scar to appear later.

"I was with your mom earlier," Bucky added. "I needed some labs rushed, and she helped me out with that."

Steve nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah, she knows how to get what she wants. No one wants to say no to Sarah Rogers."

Sharon sighed. "We can talk about it, Steve. You shouldn't bottle it all up—"

"What can I say? My boyfriend lied about being single. He has a wife," he replied, "I don't know what to say. There's nothing to talk about."

"Aren't you going to talk to him?" Nat asked. "You guys practically live together at your place, maybe he was going to leave her. Maybe he didn't know how to tell you."

"Maybe I could clear that up right now."

The interns turned around, slightly embarrassed now that Tony stood behind them. The neurosurgeon looked exhausted, as if the last several hours had sent him through hell and back. He shifted on his feet a bit, trying to read Steve's face; the intern stared at his food instead.

"Please, Steve." Tony's voice faltered. "I...I need to talk you. Please."

Steve picked up his tray. "I have to round on Laura and then catch up on Wilson's labs."

He hated the way his chest tightened when he finally looked Tony in the eyes. He hated the fact that he missed Tony as he stood right before him. He hated the fact that he wanted to forgive him. He hated that Tony looked so sad, even though he should have said something beforehand.

_Why did you do this? Why didn't you just talk to me before all this happened?_

Steve left the cafeteria before he did something stupid.

* * *

Ever since Steve was young, he loved seeing the babies in the nursery. On nights that Sarah couldn't get a babysitter and back when there wasn't a daycare in the hospital, Steve got to spend the night on the labor and delivery floor. Whenever his mother wasn't looking or had a patient, he'd sneak off to the nursery.

The babies always made him feel better. They were so tiny, so happy to be laying in their cots and swaddled in blankets. He liked to see what their names were, when their birthday was. It was so odd, whenever he saw that their birthday was just a few hours ago. They were just so...new.

Now that Steve was a doctor, it felt different to be on the other side of the glass. Visitors and patients alike passed by, admiring the youngest people in the hospital. They captivated people of all ages; everyone loved newborn babies.

The Peterson baby was considerably smaller than the rest. There were premature babies that were born even younger than him; since he was born at 32 weeks, he had a better chance at survival. He, unlike the others, had to be in a special incubator to help him breathe better. The sight pulled on Steve's heart a little. He wasn't even ready to be out just yet, and here he was, looking minuscule in the incubator.

"Thought I'd find you here."

What was it about a mother's voice that could bring someone to tears after having a bad day? Steve hadn't even turned around yet, but he was ready to collapse into his mother's arms and burst into tears.

"Ma." Steve returned the stethoscope around his neck and removed his gloves. "Little guy's a trooper. Still doesn't have a name yet."

"Steven." Her voice was firm. "Are you okay?"

She knew. Of course she did; moms always knew what was going on.

"I'm going to be fine." Steve sighed. "I just—I really liked him. I kinda thought, that maybe he'd be—I don't know. It's stupid."

"It's not stupid," she reassured him. "You seemed really happy with him."

A knot formed in Steve's throat. God, it took only two minutes of conversation about Tony, and it was enough to bring Steve to tears.

"I was." 

"I have to check on some patients, dear." Sarah put her arms around her son. "Just...don't give up so quick."

He paused, confused. "What?"

"I'm saying that maybe you should talk to him. Don't shut him out so quickly." She smiled. "But I'm also willing to make his life a living hell any time he steps into this hospital if you need it. Either way, Stevie, I'm here for you."

Steve laughed, thankful that he felt just a bit of relief. "Thanks, Ma. I love you."

Once Sarah left the room, Steve noticed a familiar face standing behind the glass window. Tony looked on, as if he was trying to get a glimpse of the Peterson baby, but Steve knew why he was there.

Steve had no idea how he should react. It was something out of a telenovela, some ridiculous plot twist on a soap opera that his mother would watch. It didn't feel real, it felt like some cruel prank, like someone would pull out a bunch of cameras and reveal that the whole ordeal was just a joke. A horrible joke, but at least it wouldn't be real.

Tony raised his finger tips a little, waving them slightly. Steve waved back, motioning for him to come into the nursery. Tony never moved so quickly in his life.

The air seemed thicker once Tony entered the room. The air left Steve's lungs and once again, he felt like he was seeing Tony for the first time, all embarrassed and flustered and nervous. Steve was glad that the nursery was empty for now, and that no one else had to witness this. He was already so anxious and no one even said anything yet.

"Hi, Steve. Thank you for letting me talk to you. I really appreciate it." Tony wrung his hands. "It's really complicated, but if you'll just hear me out—"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Steve blurted out. "There were so many chances. We've been together for months, and I have to find out from some woman who could basically be a movie star tell me that you're married!"

Tony paled. "I know. I wanted to tell you. I did. There were so many times, it's just...complicated."

" _Everything_ is complicated!" Steve's outburst caused one of the babies to stir and cry. The intern huffed as he picked up the child. "I just...I said I was in this. When I said that, I meant it, but now...I don't know."

"No, no, no, Steve, please listen," Tony urged. "I'm in this too! I promise."

"Are you going to leave her?"

Tony froze. "I want to, Steve, but that doesn't just happen right away. Plus she's still here, and I don't—"

"That's all I needed to hear." Steve set down the child in the cot. "I need you to leave, I have to check on the Peterson baby. He's a preemie and he's prone to infections."

"Steve." Tony's voice cracked again. "I need you to believe me. I want to be with you. Hell, I wanted it from the first date we went on. Please, believe me." Tony looked so hopeful for a moment, Steve almost wanted to believe him.

"Leave the NICU, Dr. Stark. I have patients."

Steve tried to ignore the fact that Tony's eyes were shining with tears. He tried to ignore the fact that his heart wasn't just shattering, it was exploding, breaking, destroyed. He tried to ignore the fact that he nearly fell in love with someone who had a wife.


	9. The Fear of Falling Apart

Dr. Pepper Potts-Stark impressed many of the interns and residents on her first day. Despite the gossip that followed her, she was a great doctor. Both Laura Peterson and her baby sustained extreme injuries, but Pepper had fixed them up perfectly. Many babies and their mothers would not have been so lucky to survive an accident that severe with just any OB-GYN or neonatal surgeon; the staff at Chicago Medical were more than just impressed. They were starstruck.

Aside from her skill, she charmed everyone she met. No matter the rumors that floated around that first day, she managed to win the hearts of staff and patients alike. It only took a day, but word passed along that Dr. Potts-Stark was one of the nicest surgeons on the unit. It took one day.

It was _so_ hard for Steve to hate her.

He wanted to hate her. He hated himself for it, but it was true. He hated that she had Tony first, he hated that she complicated the one good relationship he had in a while. But that wasn't true at all; if anything, he complicated what she had first. He hated that she was perfect, that everyone loved her immediately, and he hated that he felt like a high-schooler plotting his revenge against his sworn enemy.

It was just Steve's luck that he and the rest of the interns were assigned to Dr. Potts-Stark's cases for the next few weeks. That meant hours and days spent checking on her patients, reporting to her, scrubbing in on surgeries with her.

What joy, spending time with your ex-boyfriend's wife.

Steve tried to focus on the patients. Dr. Potts-Stark was double-board certified, so the interns got to deal with the pregnant mothers as well as the pre-mature babies in the NICU. The preemie babies always tugged on the heartstrings more than the babies that were carried to term; they were tinier, weaker. Surgeries that were performed on them often took a bit longer to recover due to their size.

The interns were surprised to see Steve was right at home in the NICU. It wasn't easy, working in this unit—the babies were fighting to survive, and not every baby made it out of there. That didn't seem to phase Steve.

Bucky and Natasha were sent to run labs some of Pepper's patients, so Sharon and Steve were left in the NICU together. The baby that Steve was taking care of was tiny, born at twenty-five weeks. The little girl's eyes weren't even open, but somehow, the child gripped Steve's finger while he gave her an exam.

Steve chuckled a little. "Hey there, sweet girl. You're strong."

The child's stats were originally low, but upon hearing Steve's voice and gripping his finger, they rose gradually. Sharon smiled and nudged her friend.

"Babies love you."

Steve shrugged. "Must have been too quiet for her. She probably liked hearing her mom's voice."

"I think she likes you," Sharon said. "She hasn't let go of your finger."

The child kept a steady hand on Steve, as if she wasn't quite ready to let go. Steve needed to check on other patients in the NICU, but he couldn't let go either. Babies were a good distraction. A cute, heart-wrenching distraction.

He needed the distraction. The past few weeks included calls and text messages from Tony, begging, pleading just to talk to him. He hated declining them, but he felt justified for doing it. It wasn't like Steve was trying to be petty; how do you respond to someone having a wife and being lied to about it?

Avoiding the neurosurgeon didn't get any easier at work, either. Tony tried surprising him at first, with coffee just the way he liked it, or his favorite pastries from the bakery down the street. There was a bit more hope in Tony's eyes, like there was still something to salvage. Steve wanted to have the same hope, too.

As weeks passed, the look on Tony's face made everything worse. He knew that Tony was losing sleep, and it only added to the sad, apologetic expression he wore as he looked on from the nurses' stations. Steve wanted to forgive him. So badly.

But Pepper still wore her ring. The beautiful diamond glittered on her finger, a shining reminder that Tony hadn't left her yet.

So, yeah. Tiny preemie babies were a good distraction.

The moment of distraction and bliss was brief as Dr. Potts-Stark brought in a mother into the NICU to see her child. The young woman in the wheelchair had the same dark hair and honey golden skin as the baby that gripped his finger. She looked relieved to see that her daughter had made it through the night.

"This is Alex," Pepper said, "I know it's a bit early to see her baby, but I thought we could break the rules a little bit."

Steve only nodded in response, letting Pepper and Alex take a closer look at the child. Alex's eyes watered a little upon seeing all the tubes and wires that were connected to her baby. Pepper explained that they were all helpful to the baby's development, but no parent ever listened, not really. The medical jargon was already hard enough to understand, and parents were far too focused on their child to think about anything else.

"She'll be okay." Steve cleared his throat, embarrassed now that Pepper was looking right at him. "All those wires and tubes, they look scary, but she's not in pain. Your little girl is strong, Alex."

Alex smiled. "Thank you."

Pepper patted Alex on the back. "Dr. Rogers is one of the best interns here at the hospital. He'll be checking in on your daughter for the time being, okay?"

The mother nodded and sat with her daughter, hand laying in the incubator. Pepper led Steve out of the NICU and handed him the charts and information for Alex and her baby.

"The NICU nurses were right about you," Pepper began. "You're a natural."

He _hated_ when Pepper did this. The small talk thing, trying to act as if absolutely nothing had happened. Maybe it was intentional, maybe it wasn't, but it was still annoying.

"Spent a lot of time around babies. My mom works in labor and delivery." Steve took the charts and updated them with the baby's vitals for that morning. He hoped that Pepper would take the hint and just leave, but that wasn't the case.

"I'm sorry."

_Please leave. Please just save my fucking dignity and leave._

"I'm trying my best here," Pepper urged, "to be civil. I'm trying my best because I know Tony...well, I'm doing this for Tony."

Steve bit his tongue before forcing what he hoped was a sincere smile. "Dr. Potts-Stark, with all due respect, you don't have to tell me all this. I...I don't talk to Dr. Stark anymore."

"Nobody said you couldn't talk to him—"

"You're still wearing a ring, so no, I won't be speaking to him, Dr. _Stark_." Steve took the chart and left the NICU before she could see that he was red in the face with anger.

* * *

"It was one mistake!"

"Oh, so meeting up with someone, getting drinks with them, then taking them home was _one_ mistake? Sounds like several mistakes if you ask me!"

Pepper groaned in frustration as she sat back down on the couch. Tony paced the room, restless and exhausted all at once. It was the same argument, no matter how many times they revisited it.

Pepper had suggested counseling. Tony insisted they wouldn't help, and that was clear as day as they sat on opposite sides of the room with a rather uncomfortable marriage counselor.

"Why don't we take a break?" The counselor looked like she needed it more than anyone else. Their session had another half hour to go, but she looked as if she'd heard them fighting for hours. The couple agreed and the counselor excused herself. Tony left the room as well, heading immediately to the coffee cart in the lobby. Pepper followed him, hissing in his ear.

"I'm trying to make this right," She whispered quickly, "we're supposed to listen to each other in these sessions!"

"I don't know why I even agreed to this," Tony muttered, "It's the same thing, over and over. Pep, just let me go—"

"I want to fix this," Pepper urged once again, "Tony, we both made mistakes—"

"Both?" Tony nearly choked on his coffee. "You screwing the chief of surgery in New York was a mistake. Steve was _not_ a mistake. I was happy, Pepper. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I know that being with Steve was not a mistake."

Pepper opened her mouth to speak but she was cut off by her pager going off. It was 911 for the hospital. Tony's pager began buzzing as well, and they both sighed. They bid farewell to the counselor who seemed almost thankful that the session ended short. They started making their way out to the city street where their cars were parked.

"We have another appointment next week," Pepper said calmly, "I hope I see you there."

"Don't know if I'll make it." Tony hated these sessions so much. "Pepper, I don't know if we should keep doing this. Look at us."

Pepper fiddled with the ring on her finger. "I really thought maybe we were getting better. Steve said that—"

Tony paused. "Why the hell are you talking to Steve?"

Pepper blinked in surprise. "He's on my service!"

"What did you say? Why did you even say anything? The problem was between you and me, not you and Steve!" Tony sighed. "I can't do this, Pep. I can't."

Her face hardened. "You're right. The problem was just between you and me. I made a mistake, but I am not the only reason our marriage is falling apart."

"It's not falling apart. It's already broken, Pep."

He didn't mean for his words to come out so harshly, and there was a pang of guilt when he saw the tears in Pepper's eyes. There was a moment in time, seemingly a lifetime ago, where he'd hold her and apologize for what he said. But that was a lifetime ago in New York, when they were younger, happier. All he could do was give a curt nod before driving off to the hospital.

* * *

The interns were told to cover Dr. Potts-Stark's non-emergent patients as she was called into emergency surgery. The residents with seniority were the ones called to scrub in with her, and Steve was glad. As much as he loved surgery, he wasn't sure how he'd face Pepper after what he said. When he told the rest of the interns, they nearly fell to the ground in surprise.

"You said _what_?" Nat hissed.

Steve shrugged. "I was getting sick of her trying to be my friend. Like it was some misunderstanding."

"Holy shit, Rogers," Bucky sighed, "did she chew you out?"

"I left the station before I could embarrass myself anymore," Steve explained, "But then she had a meeting to go to."

The interns fell silent, and Steve shot them a look. They pretended to be interested in their charting or the computers that they sat at. Steve sighed.

"What did you hear?" Steve nudged his friends with his pen. "I'm not fragile. I'm a big boy, I can take it."

The interns all shifted around silently at first, exchanging nervous glances. Sharon was the one who finally spoke up.

"Someone overheard them taking arguing about marriage counseling earlier last week," she explained, "that's what I heard from some of the other nurses talking."

"Marriage counseling," Steve repeated. "Cool."

"Steve—"

"I'm going to check on the NICU babies." Steve's voice cracked as he tried to smile. "I'll page you guys if I need anything."

When Steve arrived back in the nursery, he noticed that Alex had never left her baby's side. She sat in one of the rocking chairs this time, sleeping soundly next to her daughter. He tried not to take her, but she immediately sat up when she heard him shuffling around the nursery.

"Oh, hi, Alex. I'm sorry to wake you."

She shook her head and smiled. "It's okay. Are you here to check on Andrea?"

"I am," Steve replied, "I didn't know you settled on a name."

"The little girl took me by surprise, so I didn't have a name yet," Alex admitted, "I wanted her to have a name that could have a nickname like me. Her name is Andrea, Andy for short."

"Alex and Andy. I like that."

"Is she okay?" Alex sounded a bit nervous now. "So many people keep checking on her, doing labs, but no one really tells me if she's okay."

"She's doing great so far," Steve reassured her, "I can see if another doctor can come down and talk to you later tonight."

"Thank you, Dr. Rogers. I appreciate it. It's been so scary," she said, voice trembling a little, "I sit here and watch her breathe, and I'm scared to let myself sleep. I only napped since a nurse said her vitals were good for now."

"Go rest! I can watch her." Steve helped her out from the rocking chair and back to the wheelchair. "I'll update you if anything changes."

Alex was unsure. "I slept plenty after my surgery, Dr. Rogers, I was wondering if I could just stay here..."

Steve knelt down and held her hands. "You need your rest so you can be there for your baby when it counts, okay? She's alright for now. I won't let her out of my sight, and when I need to go home, I'll ask the nurses to page me too."

Alex nodded. "Okay, Dr. Rogers. Thank you."

"Steve. You can call me Steve since I'm babysitting for you," Steve said with a wink, "Andy is my number one patient tonight."

The mother threw her arms around Steve and gave a shaky laugh. "Alright, I'll see you two later."

It was a quiet evening in the NICU nursery; there weren't many babies for Steve to round on. All the vitals seemed to be holding steady and he was thankful for that. He didn't mean to get so attached to the baby and her mother, but his heart nearly stopped any time he thought he saw the vitals changing. Steve cared about all his patients, but when it came to the children and the babies, he felt just a little bit closer to them. There was greater obligation to save them, especially since they were so little.

Up until the last hour of his shift, everything was running smoothly. All the babies were updated on their charts and medications were made, and Steve was just about ready to update the night nurses about his patients when Andy's vitals tanked.

He rushed over to her, pushing the code button as nurses followed him. Andy's heart had stopped, and Steve grew nauseous. Her heart was failing, but he had never done CPR on a preemie.

There was no other option but to page Pepper, who threw on the gown and gloves almost effortlessly as she entered the NICU.

"What happened? What did you do?"

Steve was trembling now. "I don't know! Her vitals were steady the whole night, I even told the mom she'd be okay because everything was looking good—"

"Why would you tell her that? Why would you give her false hope?" Pepper spat. "Her baby was born fourteen weeks early! You don't assure them anything!"

"She was fine," Steve repeated, "She was just fine! I checked on her, God, I don't know, fifteen minutes ago? Dr. Potts—"

"Leave," Pepper said calmly, "and you can send one of the other interns for my service."

Steve frowned. "I know the mom and the baby already—"

" _Now_ , Dr. Rogers."

The intern tore off the NICU gown and gloves, shaking his head. He went into the intern locker room, throwing his stethoscope against one of the lockers. The loud echo startled one of the other interns who happened to be napping on the benches. Steve muttered an apology and went to the sinks to wash his face.

_What a fucking day._

After throwing some cold water on his face and pulling himself together again, Steve went back to the labor and delivery unit to find the other interns. They must have been ordered to do other tasks by residents because when Steve returned to the station, they were no longer there. Steve updated the nurses to page some of the other interns in case Dr. Potts-Stark needed anything.

Though the shift was technically over, Steve knew that they'd call some of the interns overnight. Instead of going to pack up for his apartment, the blond entered one of the on-call rooms for the night. He was so exhausted that he almost didn't notice a familiar neurosurgeon already curled up in one of the beds.

Tony rubbed his eyes as the light flickered on. "Oh, hi."

"I'm sorry." Steve retreated to the door. "I'll find somewhere else to sleep."

"Steve." Tony's voice was so broken. "Just stay, please?"

Maybe it was because he had a bad day, maybe it was because he was sick of having bad days, bad weeks, maybe it was because he got kicked off his case, he had no idea what possessed him to stay, but Steve found himself sitting beside Tony on the bed. A good distance away, far enough away to be out of range from the sweet smell of Tony's cologne, but closer than they'd been in a while.

"Bad day?"

Steve nodded. "You?"

Tony sighed. "It's a little better now."

"Why?"

"Because you're here," Tony said simply. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world, his presence improving the neurosurgeon's day. As if everything was still okay. As if Steve's heart wasn't shattered just a few weeks ago. As if they still had each other.

"Stop that."

"What?"

"Talking to me like I'm still yours." Steve swallowed back the knot in his throat. "We're not...you're married."

"C'mon, I'm just saying it's nice that I can finally talk to you—"

"What was I to you?" Steve finally faced him, hoping that Tony could see everything. That he could see all the hurt, confusion, anger, and heartbreak he felt. That he could see and feel an ounce of the pain he'd endured. "Was this—whatever we were—was that _real_? Did you want me, or was I just a good fuck, something to fool around with while you recovered from being fucked over? I-I want to know. I want to know why I'm enduring all this hell, every goddamn day, and you look at me like I still owe you something. Like I'm supposed to say sorry or something. Like I shouldn't be upset or hurt."

"You were sunshine after a lifetime of rain." Tony tentatively reached for Steve's hand, relieved when he was allowed to hold it for a moment. "I need you to believe me, Steve...I screwed up, but God, you were real for me. Everything I felt, everything I said to you, that was real. It was the happiest I'd been in a long time. I...I was falling in love with you, Steve."

And _that_ , that was like a knife in his chest. He shouldn't believe Tony, the man was still married to a pretty woman with a shiny ring on his finger. But the way Tony looked at him, like he was responsible for putting the stars in the night sky, God, it made his heart ache.

Steve closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to Tony's. He thought it would make him feel better, that maybe all the pain would melt away for once. That the pain he felt all these weeks would maybe disappear, and maybe Tony's touch would bring him peace. He let Tony touch his hair, his chest, his hips, hoping that his misery would end finally, but it didn't. He let Tony kiss every inch of exposed skin, letting himself feel the soft scratch of stubble. He waited for the pain to subside, for the same warmth and happiness he felt before, but it never came.

The more Tony kissed him, it felt like a scalpel was digging harder into Steve's chest. Because he was still married, he still lied, and he still didn't leave her. And even with the misery that Tony was giving him, he wanted him more than anything.

Steve pulled away, breathless, tears streaming down his face. Tony paused, eyes growing wide when he saw Steve's fears. The neurosurgeon brushed them away quickly and moved forward to kiss him again, but Steve pulled away once more.

"It still _hurts_ ," Steve choked out, "it hurts to look at you, to hear your voice, to feel you. I-I can't, Tony. I'm sorry."

"No, Steve—"

"You said you were falling in love. If you were falling in love, I deserved to know the truth. People you love deserve that." Steve squeezed Tony's hands one last time before heading for the door. "I deserved at least that."

"I did—do— love you! Steve, stop and just stay for once, dammit—"

"Goodbye, Tony. I'm sorry."


	10. Stuck (on You)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lokicorey on tumblr made me [this fantastic video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWwInCOUo_A&feature=youtu.be) and i had to share!

The interns decided that Steve needed roommates. Mostly because Steve couldn't stop staring at the neurosurgeon, and they needed him to focus.

Steve had endured breakups before. But there was nothing like losing Tony.

He had made up his mind the night he kissed him; no matter what he felt for the neurosurgeon, it was over. Until that pretty ring was permanently off Pepper's finger, Steve was done. No more moping about Tony, no more dreaming of his cologne, no more staring from nurses' stations or through the OR galleries.

It was easier said than done. The poor lovesick blond managed about a week and a half of his fool-proof plan before the other interns saw him accepting a cup of coffee from Tony.

Natasha immediately swooped in with a smile on her face. "Good morning, Dr. Stark. I'm gonna have to steal Steve away from you, we got called to the pit!"

Steve checked his pager, raising his eyebrows. "Our pagers aren't even going off—"

"Bye Dr. Stark! See you later!"

Tony chuckled a little but didn't say anything more as the interns scurried back to the tunnels in the basement. Steve glanced over his shoulder, his heart aching to see that Tony was watching him as they left.

The gang forced Steve onto one of the gurneys with the rest of the interns. They were surrounded by what seemed like mountains of charts, all the binders stacked up high on the gurneys and wheelchairs.

"I thought we were going to the pit," Steve said, surprised.

"Dr. Wilson hasn't slept in two days, so this is our present," Sharon explained, "and your distraction for the day."

Bucky took the coffee from Steve's hand. As he took a sip, he shuddered. "This is just milk and sugar, where's the coffee?!"

Steve snatched it back from the soldier. "That's how I take my coffee. Tony knows what I order every time." He rolled his eyes when everyone gave him annoyed glances. "This is friendly coffee! People can be friends after breakups, or whatever you call breaking up with your married boyfriend."

"This is not friendly coffee, Steve! This is very clearly forgive-me-please-and-let-me-kiss-you-while-I-go-home-to-my-wife coffee!" Natasha threw her hands up in the air as if it should have been clear at this point.

"I'm trying to be civil, or something like that," Steve said, "I just...I don't know. I'm tired of being pissed about everything. It feels better to be friendly instead of avoiding him and being angry all the time."

Sharon studied her best friend's face. "You're hiding something."

Steve tried remaining stoic. "I'm just being honest."

"...you kissed him."

The tunnel was silent for just a few moments until the inevitable rouge spread across Steve's neck and cheeks. They groaned in exasperation.

"He has a wife, Steve!"

Steve wasn't so embarrassed now. "You think I don't know that? You think I'm actively trying to fall for a guy I can't have? I know. Believe me, I have spent days and weeks thinking about that."

Sharon sighed and leaned on him. "Okay, I'm sorry. We're just trying to look out for you."

"I know." Steve smirked a little. "You guys are a pain in the ass, though."

"Which brings me to the reason why we're here," Natasha explained. "We want to be your roommates."

"What?"

"You shouldn't be alone in that apartment," Natasha continued. "Before you say no, Bucky fixes things. Sharon bakes. And I'm good with the cleaning. Plus we can split up the rent."

It would be nice to have roommates. Steve was so lonely in the apartment these days that he was sleeping in the on-call rooms just to avoid going home by himself.

"Alright, fine." Steve tried to hide the smile on his face as they cheered. He needed some happiness in his life. Something to distract him from Tony.

He knew his friends were right about Tony. Coffee is just never just coffee when it comes from your ex-boyfriend. He didn't want them to be right; he just missed Tony.

Ever since the night they kissed, Steve wanted to be angry. He wanted to hate Tony, he wanted to be disgusted any time he saw him across the hall. He didn't want to pine or miss him anymore. Nothing really went as planned anymore. Not these days, at least.

But it was kind of nice, being Tony's friend. Almost-friend. They had normal conversations, there were no more longing glances from the stations or awkward meet-ups in on-call rooms.

Another plus to the Just Friends act was that Pepper seemed to be giving him a break. Steve still wasn't on Alex and Andy's case, but Pepper allowed the intern to visit the family whenever he liked.

Things were looking up. Sort of.

The following morning, a storm shook the city of Chicago. While the staff at the hospital had endured windy days before, the torrential downpour seemed to be shaking the entire building. The interns usually walked to the hospital from Steve's apartment, but the weather was so bad that they had to take a car just for a couple blocks. They still managed to be soaked from the short trip from the lot to the building.

As they entered the hospital, all staff were gathered around the main staircase. The chief of trauma, Dr. Rhodes, and Nick Fury stood above everyone, waiting for everyone to settle down before speaking.

"Beautiful day outside, isn't it?" Fury cracked a smile before continuing. "With this storm coming out of nowhere so quickly, please back up any charts that are on the computers or tablets. Print out any documents and keep charts as updated as possible. If the power goes out, we need to be ready."

"That being said, please cancel all elective surgeries for the day," Dr. Rhodes added, "there are already reports of car accidents and injuries due to the weather. We need all ORs ready for today."

Finally, the staff were dismissed, and the interns were back on scut duty. As boring as their tasks could be sometimes, there was no denying that it was peaceful to be stuck on charting or running labs back and forth.

The winds and rain outside were loud enough to be heard within the walls of the hospital. Some of the patients and their families were cautious, as if the building was ready to be blown away at any second.

"We'll be fine, right?" Nat's voice was quiet.

Bucky threw his arm around her. "You're safe. People actually to this hospital to get out of their unsafe houses."

"And you're just a know-it-all when it comes to the hospital's architecture?" Sharon asked. She laughed when Bucky glared at her. "You're right though. This is one of the best hospitals in the city. We'll be okay, Nat."

"There's nothing to worry about," Steve added.

They had no idea what was about to come.

* * *

Tony and Steve were friends now. Well, sort of friends. Friends that got each other coffee, said hi at work. It was nice—better than having Steve walk the other direction any time they saw each other. They were almost friends. Acquaintances.

He wasn't sure if that was what he wanted to be with Steve.

Marriage counseling wasn't as painful as it was before. No more shouting, no more tears. The poor counselor wasn't calling breaks anymore after screaming matches that he and Pepper got into far too often. Things were going okay until she suggested that they trying going on a date.

"Nothing fancy," the counselor explained, "but I think you guys need to see each other outside of work. Outside of therapy."

Pepper gave Tony a hopeful look, twisting the ring on her finger and silently praying that he would agree. She wanted this to work so so badly. It was Tony, after all. She wanted to fight for him.

"I hope you still like seafood," Tony said quietly, "I, uh, heard about a nice place out on the pier."

He wasn't sure if he was ready for a date with his wife after all these months. In fact, he couldn't even remember the last time they were on a date in New York. Sure, there were galas and functions that they needed to attend as a couple for the hospital, but never real dates.

But Pepper looked happy. Happier than she looked in months, maybe even a couple years. Maybe it was worth a shot, if he could keep someone happy for once.

And their date was...picture perfect. The couple had never been to Navy Pier, so Tony took her to a restaurant that overlooked the water. It wasn't a sight with ferry boats like they had back in New York, but the way the city glittered was beautiful all the same.

Pepper was shy, somehow. Barely eating, taking tiny sips of her wine and timidly speaking as the night carried on. Like she was walking on glass, and she didn't want to risk breaking anything by getting ahead of herself. She wasn't usually so shy; the sight reminded Tony of their first date.

In a way, it was their first date. First time in months or years that they didn't feel miles apart from each other. First time that Tony kissed Pepper on the cheek, first time that he kissed her on the mouth. He wanted it to feel the same, he wanted to feel the same fire that Pepper gave him the first night he saw her one of the charity dinners at his father's hospital.

It wasn't there.

 _Maybe we'll get there,_ Tony thought to himself. _Maybe this is just the first step to getting back to where we were. People come back after affairs; maybe we can, too._

There was another voice in Tony's head wondering what would happen if they didn't.

He was barely thinking now, which wasn't exactly a good idea since he was driving in the rain and was about to pick up Pepper from her apartment. They didn't spend the night together—it definitely would not have been a good idea—but she suggested they get to work together. The counselor insisted that they started doing things as a couple, becoming the team that they used to be.

Worry consumed him as he picked up his wife, mindlessly accepting a kiss on the cheek and barely focusing on the roads as they drove to the hospital. Luckily, they made it in one piece, laughing together once they entered the building.

Pepper carefully let her fingers intertwine with Tony's, trying not to smile as his fingers immediately curled around her hand. _Maybe we're getting there,_ she thought to herself.

The hope in her mind was immediately crushed as Steve Rogers waved from the station with two cups of coffee beside him. Friendly coffee, as Tony described it. She tried not to read too much into it; Tony was allowed to have friends.

Friends should not be giving each other heart eyes over shared cups of coffee, but, to each their own, right?

"Good morning, Dr. Stark, Dr. Potts-Stark." Steve's voice seemed to grow a little shaky now that he saw them together. "I had a cup for Dr. Stark, but I, uh, can run and get you some coffee, too, Dr. Potts-Stark?"

The OB-GYN forced a smile. "That's sweet of you Dr. Rogers, but I'm okay."

Steve nodded, handing his cup to Tony before bidding them goodbye. The intern ran off quickly, for which Pepper was admittedly happy about; at least she didn't have to witness any potential googly eyes between her husband and his ex.

She turned to Tony. "Thank you for picking me up. It's nice to get to work together."

"Sure thing, Pep." Tony took a sip and sighed in content. "Want some? The coffee places Steve goes to is great, you know."

"I don't want your boyfriend's coffee." The words slipped out far too quickly, and there was no taking them back now. Tony's jaw was already clenching. "Tony, I'm sorry, I'm just—"

"It's still weird." Tony stared at his shoes, slightly embarrassed. "I-I get it. Listen, I have to check on some consults..."

Moment ruined. _Fucking great_. "Oh, of course. I need to check on some post-ops anyway."

Thunder rattled Chicago Medical, and that seemed a good cue as any to bid each other goodbye and get on with their day. So much for getting to a better place with Tony.

Pepper didn't have much time to dwell on what just happened with Tony as her pager started going off. She was being paged to the NICU, 911.

She was met by Steve Rogers once more, surrounded by a couple other interns that were officially assigned to the case. Steve was holding Alex away from the incubator, which was now wide open as one of the interns performed CPR on baby Andy.

"What's happening?" Pepper immediately placed her stethoscope to the baby's chest.

"Her pressure bottomed out," Natasha explained, "the next thing we knew, her heart stopped."

Pepper cursed under her breath. "She's going into heart failure. She needs a new heart."

The interns grew silent; adults waited years on the transplant list. Andy didn't have years to wait for a new heart. Pepper instructed the interns to inject more medicine, and start the ventilator again, and connect the baby to an ECMO machine. The sight of the child connected to so many machines brought Alex to tears.

"Can she feel any of this?"

Pepper shook her head. "She's been given some medicine to be comfortable. This will help while she waits for a transplant."

The mother wiped her tears away. "How long will that take?"

"I'll have the interns call UNOS, okay?" Pepper offered her hand. "It's going to be tough waiting, but I'll have all the interns on it, okay?"

Alex could only nod in response as Steve led her back to the waiting room. She needed a break from all the machines and the wires for a while.

Pepper couldn't help but notice how close the two had become in the weeks that Alex and Andy have been in the hospital. When Steve was initially kicked off the case, he could still be found coming in after his shifts and offering cups of coffee to the exhausted mother. Alex was calmer with Steve checking in, which was part of the reason she let Steve back on the case. Calm mothers meant a calm NICU and calm nurses.

She was also hoping that it was helping Steve move on. She felt a little guilty about it, but she was sick of the friendly coffee her husband was getting every damn day.

* * *

As the storm raged on outside the hospital, the interns were gathered around the nurses' station instead of their usual place in the tunnels. The cellphone reception was better than the tunnels, and it was all hands on deck to get a heart for Andy.

"She's barely the size of a newborn," Bucky said glumly, "do you really think there will be hearts available today?"

"She's first on the list." Sharon twirled in the chair, cellphone pressed to her ear. She nearly fell out of her chair when someone finally picked up her call. "Hello?! Yes! I'm calling from Chicago Medical..."

It was strange, sitting around and calling around for baby hearts. Andy needed one so badly, but it was a bit disheartening to think about another baby having to die for one to be available.

Sharon returned to the station with a frown on her face. The interns sighed. Back to square one.

After hours of calls, Steve decided to take a break and check on Alex. She stood in front of her daughter's incubator, holding back tears. Her eyes locked with Steve and she smiled.

"Hi."

Steve forced a smile in return. "Let's go get some dinner."

Alex shook her head. "What if Andy needs me? What if she—" She choked back a sob before she could continue.

"Hey now, let's not jump to that conclusion." Steve sat on one of the chairs next to her. "Andy is on the top of the list. All the other interns are calling UNOS right now."

She gripped his hand. "I'm so scared all the time. I can't sleep or eat or breathe, Steve. We've been here for almost a month. I thought she was getting better, but now..."

"Let's go eat. You need to be strong for her." Steve pulled her up from the chair, letting her arms slide into his.

The cafeteria was quiet; most of the day shift staff had gone home for the evening, so only on-call staff and many interns were left at the hospital. The rain and thunder were incessant outside.

"Guess you can't leave til the storm blows over, huh?" Alex stared out the window. "I can't remember having a storm this bad in the city."

"Interns are pretty much always on call," Steve explained, "that means you're stuck with me for the night anyway."

Alex smiled. "I don't mind."

The two enjoyed their chicken soup together, avoiding any conversation about Andy or medicine. Even though Alex had been through hell and back, and the last thing she needed was to talk about medicine.

"How do you have a life outside of working?" Alex asked. "It looks like they never let you go home."

"I don't have a life," Steve teased, "I haven't properly had a day of doing nothing in months. I'm starting to forget what my bed looks like."

Alex laughed. "I'm glad they don't let you go home. You're always checking on Andy, even when I'm sleeping. Thank you for that, by the way."

The mother reached her hand across the table, holding Steve's hand and squeezing. His heart stirred for a moment, seeing her eyes water with gratitude. He was just about to say something when Sharon came running over, eyes wide.

"We have one! We have a heart!" She threw her arms around Steve. "Someone from Northwestern is bringing the heart right now. They said they'd be in the lobby in twenty minutes!"

Alex jumped up and joined the interns, both crying and screaming with excitement. Soon, the three of them were a blur of tears and happiness, but there was no time to waste. Sharon and Alex went back up to the NICU, and Steve made his way to the elevator to meet the procurement team.

As he stepped into the elevator, Tony joined him as well. Immediately a smirk grew on Tony's face, and it was just so goddamn enticing, Steve had to force himself to stare at the flyers on the walls.

"Thank you for the coffee this morning."

Steve nodded. "I should have brought one for Pepper, too."

"Pep doesn't drink much coffee," Tony lied, stepping a bit closer. "Heard you're off saving babies for this rotation."

"I am," Steve replied. The smell of Tony's cologne was creeping up on him, and it took every ounce of strength to face forward instead

_"Steve—"_

"Don't say my name." The intern tried hiding his smile. "I-I need to focus. I'm picking up a heart for a NICU baby."

Tony chuckled in response, low enough to send shivers down Steve's spine. The elevator was just a couple more floors down to the ground level. They were almost there until there was a distant rumble of thunder, and the lights in the elevator went pitch black and thudded to a halt.

No.

_No no no no no no—_

"Looks like we're stuck together, Dr. Rogers."


	11. Ever Since New York

After a momentary blackout in the hospital, the lights flickered on quickly. Dr. Fury and Dr. Rhodes were right about backing up all the files, because all the computers needed rebooting after the blackout. Nurses and interns scurried around the hospital looking for charts and files.

Sharon checked her pager and her cellphone and frowned. No texts or pages from Steve. He had gone down to the lobby to greet the harvest team, but they should have been back once baby Andy was prepped for surgery. Alex wrung her hands nervously.

"There's no heart, is there?" The anxious mother tried to take deep breaths. "It's been twenty minutes but no one's paged or called about the heart."

Sharon squeezed Alex's hand. "There's a heart for your baby. The cell towers must be going haywire with the storm. I'm sure Steve is protecting that tiny heart with his life."

* * *

Even though the darkness only lasted several seconds, an eternity seemed to pass before the lights in the elevator came back on. In the brief blackout, Tony had scooted just an inch closer to the intern, smirking to himself.

The lights returned, illuminating the darkness and revealing the ever handsome and charming neurosurgeon. Steve waited for the usual hum of the elevator, but everything was completely silent. The intern pressed the emergency button several times, expecting to hear some alarm sounds. Nothing.

Of course. Because of all the situations in life to go right, why would it be this one, where he's trapped with his ex?

"It looks like we're trapped," Tony said coolly, "good to know one of the best hospitals in the city has faulty elevators."

Steve banged on the elevator doors and pressed his ear to them to see if anyone would respond. He was met with silence yet again, and the knot in Steve's stomach only twisted to see that there was no signal at all on his phone.

"We're supposed to be giving a heart to a preemie today," Steve said, panicked. "I-I took the elevator to meet the procurement team. The baby needed the heart, like yesterday—"

Tony steadied the intern's shoulders. "Breathe, Steve. It's going to be alright. I'm sure there are generators that help this thing power up. Everything will be fine."

And for a moment, Steve nearly forgot. He nearly forgot the weeks of pain and hell he'd been enduring. He wanted to melt into Tony's arms, fall into them the way he always did after a bad day. The look on Tony's face wasn't smug and teasing, he looked so sincere that it only made Steve's heart ache more.

Steve took a step back and forced a smile. "I know. It'll all be fine. I just get panicky, but I'm fine."

"Steve—"

The intern pulled away from Tony's grasp, not realizing how hard he had flinched away until Tony frowned.

"I just didn't want you to worry," Tony sighed, "I know how panicky you get."

"You don't have to watch out for me." Steve turned away this time, focusing on the chart in hand and wishing his eyes weren't watering. "I'm not your...you don't have to worry about me. It's fine."

"I thought we were friends. Friends check up on each other, right?"

Steve scoffed. "Your _wife_ probably wouldn't enjoy that, now would she?"

Tony groaned. "You said that you wanted to be friends! Why are you so damn bitter all the time? I am going out on a limb to try and make this easier for you—"

" _You_ wanted to be friends," Steve retorted, "I was just so sick of feeling sad all the fucking time that I just agreed! If it were up to me, I wouldn't be friends, I wouldn't have met you that night, and I wouldn't be in this mess!"

_Shit._

_Shit shit shit shitshitshitshit—_

The neurosurgeon nodded. "Got it. Okay."

Steve turned back to him, beet red and embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I'm just—"

"Panicked." Tony managed a weak grin. "We all have those days. No hard feelings."

The intern sat on the floor and sighed. Tony sat beside him, fidgeting with his stethoscope. Steve wanted to lean on him so badly, but he knew he didn't deserve that anymore. Especially not after he yelled at Tony like a fucking psychopath.

"I meant it, when I wanted to be friends." Tony cleared his throat before continuing. "That way, I wouldn't lose you completely."

Steve rolled his eyes and smirked a little. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You always say...boyfriend-y things to me. You've got to stop." Steve fought to keep his voice steady, but it was cracking the way it always did when he was on the verge of tears. "It's...God, Tony, it's _killing_ me. Seriously."

"Killing you," Tony repeated. He chuckled quietly. "At least you're honest."

"I'm just hurt," Steve admitted, "You had months to tell me you had a wife. I still barely know anything about you."

Tony smirked. "Okay, that's fair. You have a free pass to ask about anything you want. As long as we're trapped here, you can get to know more about me."

Steve raised his brows and laughed in disbelief. "Seriously?"

"I'm trying to be a better man, I have to keep my word, right?" Tony nodded. "Anything you want."

The intern's eyes narrowed. "Anything?"

"Clock's ticking, Rogers. The minute they get this elevator running, that's it. I'll stay a mystery."

"Alright. Favorite color."

Tony laughed. "Seriously, that's what you're going to ask me?"

"I want to know."

The neurosurgeon shook his head. "Fine. It's red. Next?"

"Did you have any pets growing up?"

"No. Howard didn't like pets. My mom always fed one of the stray cats that came by our apartment every once in a while."

"Are your parents doctors?"

Tony nodded. "My father is the founder of Maria Stark Memorial hospital in Manhattan. Still owns and runs the place. Mom died when I was in college."

Steve gasped. "You're part of _those_ Starks?"

"Yes, the very proud son of Howard Stark," Tony said bitterly, "I worked for him, but I also worked at a private practice."

"Why aren't you running the company?"

"The question of the century, Rogers." Tony sighed. "Before I moved to Chicago, Howard was planning to retire. Dr. Happy Hogan was the chief then, since I turned it down before. Howard insisted I stepped up once he retired, and I actually said yes. I was going to tell Pepper the news when I found Happy right in the bed next to her. I thought it was a one time thing, but it had been going on for several weeks."

Silence flooded the elevator once more. Steve fidgeted around slightly, not quite sure how to respond. There was a twinge of bitterness, and his annoyance got the best of him as the words flew out of his mouth.

"You knew exactly what it felt like to find out something so horrible, yet you waited to tell me you had a wife? What the hell was that?" Steve sat back and took a breath. "I'm sorry. I'm just processing. I—"

"You're right." Tony looked at the intern apologetically. "I was selfish. You made everything so much easier, and I knew bringing it up would change something, even if I did come clean right away. I just wanted something happy for a while."

Steve exhaled. "I deserved better than that. You getting cheated on isn't a reason to hide a marriage from me. Complicated exes, I understand. Tony, it was a whole fucking _marriage_!"

"I'm not proud of it!" Tony yelled. "Do you think I wanted to be a secretive asshole to the one person who made me feel like myself for a change? Do you think I came to the decision lightly, Steve? Believe me, lying to you was the worse mistake I have ever, ever made. You can be pissed if you want, but you aren't the only one with feelings, here."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

Steve reached a hand out, placing it in the space between them. Tony sighed and placed his hand on Steve's, scooting closer and closing the gap that separated them. The blond couldn't help himself, and soon, he was leaning on Tony's shoulders. Another scalpel in his chest, but at least he could let himself feel close to Tony one last time.

"Do you love her?" Steve asked quietly.

Tony released a shaky breath. "Steve..."

"The elevator's not working yet, is it?"

"Fine, fine." The neurosurgeon chuckled. "Pepper... she's my family. We've been together for years. Years of birthdays, Thanksgivings, and Christmases with someone is hard to just...throw away."

"Do you love her?" Steve repeated.

"I...I care about her. I did love her, once upon a time."

"And did you love me?" Steve paused for a moment. "You don't have to answer that right away. I know it's complicated."

Tony squeezed the intern's hand. "That one's easy. Yes."

Steve barely spoke above a whisper this time. "Do you love me now?"

Before Tony could answer, the elevator doors opened to the lobby of the hospital. Firefighters and maintenance staff cheered in triumph once the finally got the doors to function.

Tony turned to the intern, ready to answer and tell him the truth. It was what he deserved after all, after everything that happened between them. There was no use in lying; Steve deserved more than all the hurt he received.

But Steve had slipped through the rescue team before he could say anything more.

* * *

_Why would you fucking ask him that?_

Steve shook his head, trying to rid himself of any thoughts of Tony. He wished he hadn't leaned on him, because hints of cologne were on his lab coat. Another constant reminder of what he couldn't have.

Dozens of texts and pages flooded his phone, now that he was in range of cellphone towers. He froze when he saw all the messages Sharon had sent him. The latest text said that Andy was already in the OR.

The intern raced up to the gallery of OR 3, where baby Andy was being operated on. The child looked even tinier from saw a view in the gallery. The transplant team was just getting ready to place the heart inside the baby's chest. He couldn't stop staring at Pepper, who was focused on opening the baby's chest cavity. It was odd, knowing something so intimate about her.

He wished this day never happened. So he wouldn't be obsessing over his ex's adulterous wife while watching a life-changing surgery.

Sharon locked eyes with him from the OR. She nodded slightly, confirming that everything was okay. Steve was relieved; Sharon always knew what to do.

The blond sat beside Bucky and Natasha, exhausted from racing up the stairs and into the gallery. Natasha looked at him curiously.

"Where have you been?"

"Stuck in the elevator with Dr. Calvin Klein. Is Andy okay?"

"She'll be fine," Nat replied, "Are you okay?"

Steve pursed his lips. "I...I gotta go. I'm going to update Alex."

"Steve—"

"I'm going to be fine," Steve insisted. "Alex must be worried sick I'll go update her. Page me when the surgery is over."

In the waiting room, Steve found the anxious mother holding a cup of tea and pacing. Once she saw the intern, her eyes watered with tears. She set the cup down and immediately threw her arms around the intern, trying to catch her breath as she cried.

"H-her heart kept stopping right before surgery," Alex sobbed, "I know Dr. Potts-Stark will take care of everything, but I'm terrified, Steve. And then you were gone and you usually make me feel better about these things—"

"I'm here, Alex." Steve rubbed her back gently. "I'm sorry I was gone. I got stuck in an elevator today. This damn storm messed up everything, but I'm here now."

Alex sniffled, but she didn't leave Steve's grasp. "I don't mean to cling so much, but—you and the other interns...you're all I've got right now. I'm alone in taking care of Andy right now."

"You aren't alone, okay?" Steve faced her smiled. "You've got us. Your baby is strong, and you are, too. You aren't alone in this, I promise."

The young mother calmed a little bit, taking a seat and catching her breath. The intern didn't leave her side as the surgery continued. Soon, they were a couple of the few people in the lobby; Alex was sound asleep against Steve, who had a secure arm around her.

After a couple hours, Sharon and Dr. Potts-Stark emerged from the OR and informed them of the good news. Alex burst into tears again, this time throwing her arms around Pepper and Sharon and thanking them profusely.

"Can we go see her?" Alex asked. She turned to Steve. "I mean, if you can."

Pepper nodded. "You can go see her. She was a champ during surgery. I'll just need the post-op updates tomorrow, Dr. Rogers. You can round on her with Alex if you like."

Steve and Alex went to check on the child before the intern's shift ended. Soon he bid goodnight to the mother, giving her a hug and saying goodnight to Andy as well. The infant squeezed his finger before he left, and Steve was content.

The intern returned to the locker room, exhausted and ready to get of the hospital. He spent too long trapped in this damn place. He needed air.

There was a note attached to his locker. It was only one sentence, written in handwriting that was far too familiar. He'd seen it stuck in his lab coat pockets, stuck into the lunches he packed for work. It was the same handwriting that could make his heart swell just weeks ago. 

_To answer your question: **yes**._


	12. Just a Guy in a Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The infamous one-night stand. (A flashback)

Steve was invited to the bar after the mixer, but he decided to stop at home and get out of the formal wear he was forced to wear that night. He felt so stiff; he needed to unwind.

He didn't want to go to the bar at first. He needed a night of relaxing—or at least a night of sitting in front of the TV and doing nothing—to get over the fact that he was going to be a real doctor. Not just wearing a lab coat and following around doctors in a hospital; he was going to be the doctor this time. Sure, he was an intern, but he still had the degree—Steve Rogers, MD.

_Holy shit._

The young doctor ditched the tie and suit jacket he donned earlier to the mixer. Once he removed them he felt a little lighter, like he could breathe again. The incoming class of interns was bigger than past years, and combined with all the residents and attendings that were at the mixer, the banquet hall room quickly grew stuffy.

He tried enjoying himself during the celebration. There was great food and drink; Chicago Medical knew how to treat their staff to a welcoming party. Any intimidation that would have come from meeting world-renowned surgeons melted away with everyone wearing formal clothing and sipping on cocktails; that would all change the next day once everyone was back in scrubs and lab coats.

Steve wandered over to his kitchen, looking through the contents of the kitchen and pantry as if he would find something other than popcorn and some leftovers from the other night. He didn't really feel like cooking, so he was going to have to settle for popcorn for dinner. He made a note to buy more butter for his next batch of popcorn.

He turned on the TV, mindlessly flipping through channels in hopes to find a show or movie to numb his brain before going to bed. After flicking through several channels, there was a rerun of one of the crime shows he liked watching. He tried to settle into his couch until he realized he had no idea how to relax.

Four years of medical school had trained him in to a rigid routine of studying whenever he had down time. There were always practicals and exams to study for, and it never hurt to study ahead, either. Steve always had something to do, something to work for, something to make sure he was ready for.

For the first time in years, Steve had downtime and he wasn't sure what to do with himself.

He wasn't new to the city; he had lived here growing up. Now that he was back, most of his friends had either moved away to other states, other neighborhoods, away from the bustle of the city and into suburbia. People were getting married, having kids, and city life wasn't for everyone. Every time he checked social media, he saw that another person had just gotten engaged or bought a house in a new, shiny neighborhood a few hours away from the city. It was odd, knowing that people were being grown ups, settling down, and he was back home, single and just now starting his life.

 _Christ_. His life sounded so pathetic.

He stopped scrolling around on his phone, knowing that continuing to do so would just create an existential crisis, which was something he definitely did not need at the moment. The whole building seemed to be just as quiet as his own apartment seemed to be; was this single adult life? Scrolling and being numbed by the TV?

The intern sighed and pulled the blanket right up under his chin. Maybe this was it—being boring until his residency was over.

His residency. Years of his life would be spent at the hospital, working tirelessly, spending hours and weeks and days and fucking years at the same hospital. That idea used to excite him; Chicago Medical was one of his favorite places to be when he was growing up. Going to the hospital with his mother always thrilled him, and even though he didn't get to see much outside the labor and delivery unit, he knew that he wanted to learn there. He wanted to learn, and he wanted to be the best.

Yeah. He was a bit of a nerd.

But Steve didn't want to be boring, he didn't want to waste his life only focusing on school and medicine. It couldn't hurt to meet the other interns, get a drink, see everyone outside the hospital.

What could go wrong?

* * *

The bar was crowded—it was as if the entire intern class had showed up that night. That was to be expected anyway; everyone wanted to drink their worries away before the biggest day of their lives.

Steve hadn't been to Joe's in years. A lifetime ago, when he turned 21, him and some high school buddies came to celebrate during the holiday break. He remembered a very unsuccessful night of trying to pick up girls—maybe this time he'd get lucky.

He spotted some of the interns from the mixer, gathered at one of the booths. They seemed to have created their own little groups already, and Steve didn't feel quite comfortable just jumping in and joining them. The blond decided to take a seat at the bar, smiling at the same bar tender who served him his first legal drink.

"What can I get ya, champ?" Joe asked. "Been years since I saw you wasted as hell in this bar."

Steve immediately felt his face get hot and laughed nervously in response. "I think I'll take it easy this time. Can I have a beer?"

"Comin' right up."

Sitting at the bar all by himself was so goddamn awkward. Everyone else around him seemed to be on a date or had a group around them; he felt like the only one who came here alone. He quickly downed his beer and another round, hoping that the buzz would kick in quick.

Steve never drank a lot in college. He'd have his beers along with his buddies, but he paced himself better than everyone else that was drinking. The only time he ever really got wasted was years ago on his twenty-first birthday. The beers didn't seem to be working that much; he decided to take some shots.

Joe obliged at first, but after several shots, he noticed the soon-to-be intern needed to be cut off. Steve downed the last shot and hissed as the tequila burned his throat. He smiled sleepily at the bartender, holding up his glass.

"'Nother round, Joey!"

The bartender smiled and filled a cup with water. "Finish this first and we'll see."

Steve frowned but drank the water, enjoying the cool liquid; he didn't realize how much his throat burned until he finally dropped taking shots. But the world was too fuzzy, too blurry, and he knew that he wasn't just buzzed. He almost forgot the what it was like to be drunk; everything just felt quieter, and he felt warm.

Despite slightly blurred vision, Steve noticed a dark-haired man sitting right in his line of sight. Slightly curled strands of salt and peppered hair and ridiculously gorgeous eyes. He almost looked too pretty to be sitting at the bar alone, so the intern motioned over to Joe.

" _Psst!_ Joe!"

The bartender turned around and snickered. "Quit shouting, bud. Did you finish the water?"

Steve nodded. "Listen. You see that guy over there?" The intern tried to be oblivious, but the pointing and the shouting didn't help much. The dark haired man across the bar smirked and tried to enjoy his beer in silence. "I want to buy him a drink."

Joe nodded in response and mentioned it to the mysterious man across the way. Steve took another sip of water, waiting to see what pretty boy had to say about it. Joe returned with another drink in hand and smiled.

"He bought you a drink, too." The bartender was hesitant at first. "Why don't you go on and talk to him before taking another beer?"

The intern waved a hand. "Do you see what he looks like Joe? And then what I look like? Probably not gonna happen."

"Well, he's lookin' at you," Joe said, "and he's coming right this way."

Steve froze. The bartender left the two alone, and soon, the mystery stranger was now sitting right next to him.

"Thanks for the drink."

The blond was speechless. "Yeah. Totally."

"I'd buy you another, but I think you're better off with water."

Jesus, his voice was heavenly. Steve wanted to listen to him all day. He couldn't get his focus off the skin that was exposed; the man's button down was undone ever so slightly to reveal tanned skin that made Steve drool.

"What's your story?"

Steve focused just on the man's lips now; the more he looked at him and now that he was sobering up after drinking some water, he quickly realized the man wasn't just pretty. He was gorgeous. Gorgeous in a way that made Steve's stomach twist. Gorgeous in a way that seemed impossible, especially for a guy like Steve. He was just Steve, but this guy? Holy fucking hell.

After racking his brain for words, Steve only smiled. "Nothin'. I'm just a guy in a bar. You?"

"So am I, I guess." The brunet smiled. "Just a guy in a bar."

"What are you doing tonight?" Steve blurted out. "I mean—I mean, you know—"

"That depends on what you're doing tonight," the man replied coolly.

_Holy fucking shit._

"I, uh...I'm drunk."

The man chuckled abruptly, and Steve felt foolish until the man gave him a soft smile. "We don't have to do anything. I can just be the guy at the bar, and that'll be it."

It might have been the alcohol, the nerves about his first day of work, nerves about never doing anything fun in his life, but he felt a surge of confidence.

"How about you be the guy from the bar and the guy in my apartment?"

The stranger finished off his beer and smirked. "I'll call a cab."

Steve was now giddy with excitement; he couldn't keep his eyes off the stranger as he made a call and headed out to meet the cab. The intern left a generous tip for Joe, and left to meet his gorgeous mystery man.

* * *

Steve never really had one-night stands. And he definitely never had drunken one-night stands, but there was a first for everything.

Kissing was difficult after several shots of tequila. Mystery man's lips seemed to be everywhere, but he wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or reality. Either way, there was a very pretty man's tongue in his mouth, so who was Steve to judge?

Steve barely remembered the car ride—a majority of the ride was spent making sure that he didn't vomit all over his very attractive stranger. It would be a shame if the night ended before they made it to the apartment.

They were kissing for a moment at the front door of the apartment complex, and the stranger pulled away briefly and cleared his throat.

"Do you actually live here, or do we need to go to my place?"

Steve chuckled and felt his face grow warm again. "R-right. I live here."

The stranger pressed his lips on Steve's cheek lightly, chuckling when he noticed the blonde only grew redder. The tender moment quickly ended once they were in the building and kissing in the elevator.

"You sure about this?" Steve breathed.

"So, _so_ sure," the stranger replied. He pushed Steve through the apartment door, quickly shutting it behind them.

The young doctor broke away from the kiss for a moment and winked. "You won't regret sleeping with the weirdo staring at you from the bar?"

The stranger smirked. "Shut up and take your pants off."

Steve immediately unbuckled his pants, kicking them off in a frenzy that roused laughter from the stranger. The blond probably should have been slightly embarrassed as his eagerness, but the man in front of him looked far too pretty in his bed for him to care at that point.

As the blond kissed his neck, the stranger couldn't help but open his eyes and scope out the bedroom. The place barely looked lived in; the only indicator that he had a life was the lab coat and stethoscope that hung over the back of a chair.

The stranger grinned. "Are you a doctor, Blondie?"

Steve looked up and grinned. "Why, do you need some mouth to mouth resuscitation?"

"Now that you mention it, I'm feeling kinda faint..."

"I'll have to do a physical," Steve said between kisses to his chest, "make sure everything is alright..."

The stranger shuddered. "R-right...I think that's for the best."

"Just sit back and relax, okay?" Steve pressed his lips to the brunet's, achingly slow and sweet. "I'll take _very_ good care of you."

_Holy fucking shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> college is taking up so much of my time but i wanted to write a lil flashback chapter because i missed my babes


	13. Love You (Goodbye)

Yes.

_Yes._

He said _yes._

Tony still loved him.

At first, Steve thought he was having a heart attack. His chest—it felt like there was a freight truck sitting right on top of him, pressing down on his rib cage and making it difficult to breathe. He could barely fill his lungs with any air, and his vision grew fuzzy around the edges. He had to force himself to sit down and finally get oxygen to his brain.

A cutesy, secret note would have made him happy; coming back to his locker at the end of the day and knowing that Tony had been thinking about him would have made him feel better. Any fatigue from that day, any losses that day, anything that would have brought him down would have melted away, knowing that he would be seeing Tony and teasing him about his God awful handwriting.

But he wasn't going home to Tony.

Once the intern finally gathered himself together and regained control of his breathing, he took the note and threw it straight in the trash. He stared at it for a while and decided it was time to clean out his locker in general.

Steve wasn't usually a messy guy; his apartment was usually pretty clean, so was his car. But his locker had grown to be an atrocious sight over the past several weeks: empty coffee cups, candy wrappers, unfinished bags of chips that were thrown in the locker. Steve hated how messy he had become—locker was a fucking nightmare.

Most of all, he hated how many empty coffee cups that had the same chicken scratch that now lay in the locker. Steve gathered them all into his arms, dumping them into the bin and stomping down on them for good measure. He added the rest of the garbage the bin and left the room feeling just as empty as his locker.

* * *

The worst of the torrential storm subdued, but only heavy rain still fell from the gray skies. The technology in the hospital seemed to be up and running, and there was finally a calm among the staff. Steve, however, felt like a zombie. He made his way into the gallery of the OR where Andy was finally receiving her surgery. Sharon glanced up to the gallery, surprised to find her best friend after his disappearance.

The team of surgeons were finally placing the heart inside of the tiny infant's chest. The sight of a heart so small usually would have left Steve in awe, but that morning's events left him numb. He pulled out a notepad and pretended to focus on the surgery before him, scrawling mindlessly until someone tapped him on the shoulder.

_Tony._

The look of horror on Steve's face must have been obvious because the neurosurgeon immediately frowned. Steve cleared his throat and put the notepad in his pocket.

"Did you need something, Dr. Stark?"

"I was looking all over for you," Tony whispered. "I—I need to talk to you—"

As if on cue, Dr. Wilson entered the gallery, holding stacks of charts and a stern look on his face. Steve immediately stood up and greeted his boss, taking the charts eagerly. Dr. Wilson stared at the intern curiously; the poor intern looked about as red as a tomato.

"Any other charts you need me to sign?"

"Uh, there are more at the nursing station if you're really looking for work to do." Wilson narrowed his eyes. "Rogers, are you alright?"

Steve nodded quickly. "I'm just fine, sir. I'm sorry about the delinquent charts. I'll get right on these and the post-op notes as well."

"Actually," Tony chimed in, locking eyes with the intern, "if you'll excuse us, Dr. Wilson, but I do need to speak with Dr. Rogers—"

The intern fidgeted slightly, not daring to open his mouth.

"Actually, your wife was looking for you," Wilson said abruptly. "I saw her on the way up here. She wanted to know where you disappeared to when the storm hit."

"But I—"

"Dr. Potts-Stark doesn't strike me as someone who likes to wait. Am I wrong?"

Tony pursed his lips together. He nodded curtly at Steve. "I'll have to speak with you later, Dr. Rogers."

Steve exhaled, suddenly realizing how lightheaded he had become. He faced Wilson and forced a sheepish smile.

"Th-thank you, Dr. Wilson. I really—"

Wilson cleared his throat. "The charts, Rogers."

Steve nodded quickly, ready to leave the gallery before Wilson reached out and stopped him. For the first time in months, the man seemed genuinely concerned. The intern thought he was going insane.

"The gallery isn't the best place to hide," Wilson said in a hushed tone. "And all the attendings know about the tunnels. Hopefully you can find a better place to avoid your...Dr. Stark."

"Got it. Thanks again, Dr. Wilson."

The chief resident smiled. "Get outta here before She-Stark sees you."

Steve never ran so quickly in his life.

* * *

Tony found Pepper in the one of the attending staff lounges, holding up two cups of coffee. Her face lit up the moment he entered the room, but the sight only made Tony feel guilty for his annoyance earlier.

"I got you some coffee from the place down the street." Pepper handed one to him. "Black coffee with just one sugar."

The neurosurgeon smiled. "Thanks, Pep."

"I wanted to talk to you before the storm but everything got so crazy." She wrung her hands, twisting the ring on her finger. "I wanted to have another date."

"Pep, honey..."

"I don't want to fight, please." Pepper took a step closer to him. "I...I miss you, Tony. I _really_ miss you."

"I'm standing right here." Tony tried to smile. "How can you miss me if I'm right in front of you?"

"You know what I mean."

She took another step, close enough for Tony to smell her perfume. Her hands were on his chest now; she looked up at him, and God, Tony swore his heart was beating out of his chest. Pepper was on her toes now.

"I miss you," she whispered. "and I think...you miss me, too."

"I, well—"

"Surely, you miss me," Pepper said softly. "At least a little."

She gazed up at him, eyes so blue, eyes so lovely. The sound of her voice, hushed and quiet enough just for him made Tony nostalgic. It wasn't too long ago where he'd yearn for her voice at the end of a long day. She placed her arms around his waist, her body now pressed right against his. Tony felt dizzy.

"Seems like forever ago was the last time I held you like this," she reminisced, "I missed it."

"Pep," Tony warned, "we shouldn't."

"Why not?" She traced a finger on his cheek gently. The touch was so subtle but it sent a chill down Tony's spine. He almost wanted to melt into her, kiss like he would before, touch her like he would before.

But that was before.

Tony found his focus. "Because I'm still in—"

"Don't say anything, okay?" This time, Pepper's voice wavered. Those beautiful blue eyes of hers were watering now, but still, she forced a smile. "I know, Tones."

Pepper finally closed the gap between them; the feel of her lips on his nearly knocked the wind of out of his lungs. The way she kissed him, how soft her lips were—that never changed. Tony knew he should have pulled away, but somehow, his lips were still pressed to hers.

 _God_ , it had been too long. Too long since Pepper had really kissed him like this, kissed him like she meant it, kissed him like it was the end of the world. Sure, there would be nights after galas where they'd spend the night like this, but she or Tony were already tipsy from the alcohol they served. It hadn't felt this real, this exciting in such a long time. Lab coats were flying off, scrubs found their way to the floor—

Her hands found his hair, and she sighed in content when she felt the familiar scratch of his stubble on her neck. She couldn't help the soft moans that escaped her lips, only encouraging Tony.

"I knew you missed me," she said with a soft laugh.

Tony didn't respond, keeping his lips busy so that he wouldn't have to answer. He lifted her gently, setting her down on the couch in the lounge before shutting the door. He kissed again, slower, softer. Pepper had wrapped her arms and legs around him now, pulling him closer and closer, but the waves of pain his chest didn't subside.

He wanted to want her, he wanted to love her the way she wanted. He wanted more than anything, to not disappoint someone for once.

Tony sat up and sighed. The melancholy expression on Pepper's face only furthered the guilt he felt in his heart.

"Pepper, I..."

Pepper stood up, silently putting on her scrubs and adjusting her lab coat. She hated how heavy the tears in her eyes were; she felt like a goddamn fool.

"I just thought...with our date..." She cleared her throat. "It's still him."

Tony held his head in his hands. "It's not that. The date was great, and you're great, I'm just—"

"Still in love with the intern."

He expected Pepper to be angry, just like she had been in the hundreds of voicemails and text messages she had left when he came to Chicago. He expected wrath, but he was shocked to see her still smiling through tears. He almost wished she were angry; it would be easier to deal with rather than watching her like this, sad and beautiful.

"I wish I hated you for that." Pepper sniffled and quickly wiped tears away. "I wish I could hate you, and then I would leave this damn city and go back home."

"I'm surprised that you don't." Tony offered his hand out, squeezing her hand. "I would probably hate me."

"I didn't like you running away," she admitted, "but I don't think I ever hated you."

The neurosurgeon sighed. "I will always, always care about you, Pep. Whatever you remember from all the hell I put you through, please remember that."

Pepper pursed her lips together and smiled. "I'll always remember that."

Suddenly, she finally removed the ring from her finger. The jewel seemed duller now that she wasn't wearing it. Tony knew what he wanted, knew that it wasn't right to string her along the way he had, but seeing the ring off her finger left him breathless.

"Pepper—"

She placed the ring in the palm of his hand and closed it. "It wouldn't be fair of me to keep your mother's ring. It's time I give it back to you."

He was speechless, so shaken, that he could barely register Pepper kissing him once more on the cheek and leaving the lounge. It was so odd, seeing the ring he had given her years ago, promising her his life. He expected to feel free, happier.

Tony only felt sick to his stomach.

* * *

For such a big hospital, it proved to be quite difficult to find a place to be alone. The nursery, his first safe haven in the hospital, was now occupied by a certain strawberry blonde that he couldn't muster the strength to face that day. The tunnels, while the normal space for the interns, was far too dark and depressing—the last thing he needed was to be sheltered from the sunlight.

Steve resorted to doing his charting in the skills lab. Surgical interns were far too eager to spend extra time in the skills lab, so it was the perfect opportunity to get away from the usual crowd. He hoped that being the lab would encourage him to get the charts done and practice, but all he could think about was one heartbreaking neurosurgeon.

Unfortunately, his daydreaming was cut off by the last person that he wanted to see—Dr. Potts-Stark.

Baby Andy was recuperating well in her incubator, and Dr. Potts-Stark welcomed the intern with a smile. Steve was thrown off—very rarely was the neonatal surgeon happy to see him.

"Did you end up catching the surgery?"

Steve nodded. "I saw the heart going in. I got stuck in the elevator during the black out."

Pepper nodded wordlessly, checking the child's new heartbeat before turning to him. She removed her gloves, and where Steve expected there to be a shining ring—there was nothing.

Nothing.

_No more ring._

Steve stared longer than he should have, and Pepper caught on. Her smile faded, but she didn't seem angry like he expected. She looked broken.

"Page me if there are any changes in her EKG," Pepper said. "I'll be in labor and delivery in case you need me."

"You can go home," Steve blurted out, "you had a long day, after all. I can page whoever is on call so you can go home instead."

Pepper sighed. "Alright. I'll update the on-call surgeon. Don't be afraid to page or anything."

The intern tried to focus on anything other than Pepper's hands, but it was as if he was in a trance. All he could think about was the fact that her finger was bare; the ring that he spent so much time thinking about, obsessing over—she took it off. It was gone.

Steve snapped back to reality as Dr. Potts-Stark removed the NICU gown. She bid the intern goodnight, not wanting to spend another minute with him. It wasn't fair of her to be angry at him—Steve had no idea she existed—but she was still hurt nonetheless.

The intern turned back to baby Andy, who still laid asleep in the incubator.

"Just you and me, baby." Steve put on gloves and reached a finger in. "You are so new. You've got so much ahead of you..."

"She likes when you talk to her.

Steve sighed upon hearing the familiar voice. When he didn't turn around, Tony put on a gown and stood on the other side of the incubator.

"Are you even cleared to be in the NICU?" Steve retorted. He held the stethoscope to Andy's chest. "You had a cold last week."

Tony smirked. "Why are you paying attention to me being sick?"

"Because these babies are brand new, with brand new hearts that could get sick." Steve removed the stethoscope from his ears. "Did you need something from me, Dr. Stark?"

"Steve, come on. There's no need to be so formal."

The intern focused on his charts, not wanting to look at him.

_You've got to fucking focus, Rogers. No amount of pretty hair or love notes can make everything okay._

Tony held his hand out, revealing the missing ring. "Pepper gave me this today."

"Congratulations."

The neurosurgeon frowned. "Can you listen for once? Didn't you hear me? Pepper and I are over. Steve, I want to be with you."

Steve's vision blurred; he stared at his charts, scribbling away even though he could barely think. Tony moved closer.

"You asked me if I loved you." Tony sighed. "Did you get the note?"

"I did." Steve could barely stop his voice from cracking.

Tony reached out to the intern, resting his hand on Steve's. "It's over with her. Didn't you hear me? I want you, Steve. I love you."

Steve snickered. "Love me. If you loved me, what was all that marriage counseling about?"

_"Steve—"_

"Even if you loved me, you still picked _her!_ " Steve sighed in exasperation. "I can't keep fighting you on this, saying the same thing over and over—Tony, this has got to stop!"

"You never sit and listen," Tony groaned, "it's always game over with you! Quit running for once and just listen for God's sake—"

"Please leave." Steve's vision was blurrier now, and he felt so goddamn embarrassed as he felt tears falling from his face.

Tony didn't move. "I love you."

"I heard you the first time, now leave."

"I'm not leaving. I love you," Tony repeated. "I love you, I love you, _I love you—_ "

Steve gathered up the charts and tore off his gown. "Goodbye, Tony."

The brunet ran and blocked the door. "You can't run away from everything, Steve. Quit running from me."

"Loving you is _killing me,_ Tony." Steve could barely breathe. "I can't sleep, I can't fucking _think_ about anything other than you and that is killing me. This—whatever this is—it has to stop."

Tony looked a little more hopeful. "If we love each other, then we can work it out! Steve, please—"

The intern dropped the charts, leaning into Tony and kissing him. One last time, one last time to remember how his lips felt, the way he tasted, how the stubble felt. One last time to remember how much he loved the neurosurgeon, how much he loved the damn guy from the bar.

One last time to remember what it felt like to love Tony before saying goodbye.


	14. Once (or Twice) in a Lifetime

Summer in Chicago quickly faded into autumn, and soon, the leaves fluttered down in wonderful hues of gold and maroon. Every time the chill returned to the Windy City, Steve adored the change; as much he loved summer, the coming months made the city beautiful.

Well, Chicago was always beautiful to him. He was a bit biased. 

The intern tried his best to focus and find joy in the changing weather; it was all he could do to keep himself from falling apart. Having roommates definitely helped in keeping his mind off Tony. Any moment that they weren't at the hospital, the gang tried their best in keeping Steve busy.

There was one day where all the interns happened to have their day off at the same time; a rarity, since the interns were usually worked until they dropped.  The interns took it upon themselves to run errands, do groceries, and take care of themselves since it had been weeks or possibly months without a proper day off. Usually, days off were accompanied by their pagers going off incessantly. Attendings loved leaving early and making the interns do some of the dirty work. 

Along with errands, the interns' new activity was finding Steve a date. They wandered aimlessly in the grocery store, encouraging the blond to meet somebody new. 

"Shouldn't I swear off dating for a while?" Steve said in exasperation, "maybe I'll take up a new hobby or something."

"That's boring," Bucky retorted, "you need a rebound. Something to get Tony off your mind, someone new—"

"I don't want anyone new." Steve felt all his friends' eyes on him. "I mean—not for a while."

"You can't mope over him forever," Sharon said, looping her arm with her best friend's, "we just want you to be happy."

Steve sighed as he pushed the shopping cart around. "I...I'll get there okay? Just let me mope."

The interns said nothing more and eventually split off from each other to continue their errands. The apartment had not been stocked for weeks—they grew tired of eating cereal straight out of the box. Consequently, Steve made it a point to buy food that didn't come from a box. He had nearly forgotten what it was like to have fruit and vegetables in the house. 

As he wandered the store, he encountered Bucky and Nat. The pair were giggling softly to each other, hushed and adorable. God, it was almost too cute to look at them; they were bonding in the goddamn soup aisle. He hated the twinge of melancholy he felt as he watched them. They were in their own little world—just the two of them. 

Steve walked away before they could notice him staring. 

The jealousy was irrational, but he couldn't help but feel slight annoyance seeing his friends together. Bucky and Nat had gotten along so quickly with very little obstacles— _why couldn't he have that?_

For once, Steve just wanted something to work out. Nothing that began with a horrible one night stand, nothing that involved beautiful wives and heartbreaking endings, none of that "right person wrong time" bullshit—

The intern was so lost in his thoughts that he barely had time to realize that he was crashing his cart into another person in front of him. He winced as the woman in front of him yelped in pain and dropped the groceries she held in her arms. Eggs splattered the aisle floor, and Steve swore he heard the teenage storeworker groan in response a couple of aisles down after hearing the noise. Steve immediately ran over to the woman, who was crouched over in pain.

"I am so sorry," Steve said quickly, "I swear I didn't even see you—"

"It's okay."

Steve paused upon hearing her voice. Hearing the sound was something out of a dream, emerging from his foggy memories. He finally got a chance to look at her, noticing her dark curly hair and the deep brown eyes behind her glasses. Looking at her suddenly brought back memories of undergrad and medical school, late nights at the library and drinking absurd amounts of caffeine. The sight of her nearly knocked the wind of out him.

"Eva."

The person who he thought he would spend the rest of his life with.

A smile crept on her lips, and for a moment, Steve swore that his heart had skipped a beat. She brushed the hair out of her eyes and laughed when she saw his face grow beet red. 

"Steve!" She almost moved in to hug him, but she paused and only chuckled nervously. "I...hi."

"Eva. Hi."

The blonde couldn't think, couldn't breathe. He was shaking slightly, but he couldn't bring his feet to move. Eva seemed to ignore this and smiled anyway.

The young woman glanced at the mess on the aisle. "We should probably help the poor kid who's gonna be cleaning this up pretty soon."

"Yes! Right. Because I was a maniac and crashed into you. I'm not a maniac. Usually."

_Christ, Rogers, would you just shut the hell up?_

Eva chuckled gently. "You haven't changed a bit, Rogers."

And _God_ , the way she said his name, he was in a goddamn puddle. 

The familiar strangers were silent as a teenager came in with a mop and cleaned the mess. Steve insisted on paying the small amount to replace the broken eggs, but the clerk insisted it was nothing. The intern felt nauseous once the clerk left them alone.

Eva smiled once more. "It's good to see you, Steve. You look good."

"And so do you. So, so, good." Steve cleared his throat. "Not that you ever stopped looking good. Ever."

Eva raised her eyebrows and bit her lip, hoping to stifle her laugh. "Um, thank you, Steve."

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, _eternity_ seemed to fucking pass before Steve got enough oxygen to his brain and form a proper sentence. 

"What brings you to Chicago? What happened to San Francisco?"

"Well, the whole Ph.D. route took a turn," Eva explained. "I decided to teach here in the city instead."

"Oh, so you're staying here? For...a while?" Steve felt like kicking his own ass just hearing himself speak.

"I'm living in the city, yes. What about you? Why Chicago?"

"Surgical residency. At Chicago Medical." Steve gave a sheepish smile. "Somehow they accepted me, even after some questionable grades at U Penn."

"Steve, that is amazing! I am so proud of you, really." Eva's phone began to ring and she gave him an apologetic look. "I have to go."

"I got it." Steve held out his hand. "It was really nice to see you, Eva. I hope you're well."

She took his hand and squeezed, wondering if he felt the same bittersweetness in her heart. Although their relationship had ended three years ago, she couldn't help but ache for him all over again.

(Hint: He did.)

Once Eva finally stepped out of the store to take her call, the intern couldn't shake the girl out of her mind. 

Steve had spent the better part of a year trying to get over that girl. They had met during undergrad; they were both tutors for the science department. Steve had always teased that she should pursue medicine like he was—she always claimed that she wasn't as smart as him. 

Except that she was. Eva was more than just a good student getting good grades—she was an amazing tutor and mentor to everyone that ever asked her for help. She said that she always wanted to be a teacher; Steve thought that that was perfect for her. No matter how busy she was with her own studies, anyone who asked her for help was welcome.

She was perfect. The first two years of their relationship were perfect. Steve nearly had his heart set on marrying that girl.

And then, of course, medical school happened. 

Steve never wanted to push her to go to the same school as him. Grad school was supposed to be her own choice, and medical school to be his choice. The next two years of their relationship had sent them on opposite sides of the country. The long-distance struggles began to affect their studies, and they decided it was best to break up. 

Part of him wondered what would have happened if he had just moved to California for medical school. His heart ached too much at the thought. 

_God, I've got to get out of his grocery store._

Eventually, Steve met his friends at the checkout lanes. He was practically throwing the groceries down for the cashier. Sharon looked at the blond curiously. 

"Are you okay?"

Steve nodded quickly. "Just...having a long day."

Sharon snickered. "It's eleven a.m. What happened to you?"

As if Steve's life couldn't get any more complicated, Eva rushed back into the grocery store, searching around for a familiar face. Once her eyes locked on Steve's, she took a deep breath and smiled. 

"Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt," she said breathlessly, "but, uh, Steve...can I give you this?"

In her hand, there was a small folded up piece of paper. Her hand shook slightly; clearly it was taking all her courage to stand before him like this. Steve felt dizzy. 

"Y-yeah. Of course." He took the paper and smiled. "Thanks, Eva."

"So I guess I'll see you soon, hopefully?" Her smile was so nervous, so genuine, his heart skipped a beat again.

"Totally."

She nodded and exhaled in relief. "It was really great seeing you again, Steve. Take care always."

The moment she walked away, all the interns stood slack-jawed. Steve pursed his lips together and quickly paid the annoyed cashier so they could finally get out of the store. As they exited the store, Nat slapped the blond's arm.

"Who the hell was that?!"

_"Nat—"_

"God, she was looking at you like you were Prince Fucking Charming! When were you going to tell us about this girl?!" Nat was practically screaming now, eliciting stares from others in the street. Bucky chuckled slightly and looped his arm with hers in efforts to soothe her. 

"She was...someone from a little while ago," Steve said simply. "We were together and now we aren't."

"We are going to need more details than that!" Sharon insisted. "That was not just an ex. Details or I'm not baking the cookies like I promised."

Steve recounted all the details to his friends, from every high point and low point. He thought that talking about her would make it easier, but it only seemed to hurt more now that he had just seen her in the store. Steve was suddenly struck with the realization of how much he had missed her, and how hard it had been to get over her. 

"You have to call her," Bucky chimed in after the story, "This is your chance to get your mind off Tony, see this girl—"

Steve stopped in his tracks with a frown. "Eva is not going to be a rebound for me. That is not who she is. She doesn't deserve that."

"I didn't mean a rebound," Bucky replied quietly. "Just want you to be happy, man."

The blond sighed and clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder. "I know. Maybe...I'll call her and see her tomorrow."

"Atta boy."

~

The next day at the hospital, Steve could not focus on anything other than the note from Eva. The small piece of paper was practically burning a hole in his pocket. He meant to call right after the grocery run, but his anxiety had gotten the best of them. By the time he had worked up the nerve to finally call Eva, it was far too late. He didn't want any insinuation of a booty call—he did not need _any_ more one night stands. 

That day at the hospital was another day of scut duties; Steve was spending the day taking patients to radiology or running blood to and from the blood bank. He was so lost in the routine of mundane activities that he didn't notice the same dark-haired girl waiting at the front desk of the surgical wing. 

She seemed slightly annoyed with the nurse that she was speaking to. Hearing her voice snapped the intern out of his trances, and he couldn't help but smile as he heard Eva's choice.

"...Rogers is his last name. I'm not a patient...I'm sorry, he's just an intern and I'm just bringing him coffee...can you not just page him or something?"

"Eva." 

The young woman turned to him and grinned. "There you are! You are hard to get a hold of, let me tell you."

"I—I meant to call—"

"Can we talk? Please?" She held up a coffee cup. "I know I probably shouldn't be bribing a doctor but..."

Across the nurses' station, Steve noticed Tony speaking with another patient and their family. The familiar charming voice, the way that he laughed at just the right moment—Dr. Stark was a smooth operator when it came to speaking with the families. The neurosurgeon was just waving goodbye to the family as he locked eyes with the intern. His smile quickly faded when he saw the intern standing with someone he had never seen before. 

Steve immediately returned his gaze back to Eva. "I guess one cup of coffee wouldn't hurt."

And just like that, the intern left without a word, without a smile.

Tony's heart cracked in half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for a bit of a delay. school's been kicking my butt—more to come this winter break! :D

**Author's Note:**

> I'm tonysangels on tumblr. I'll post this there too! :D
> 
> i made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/601T5Fa1thG8AS8DRmCi7l) for this fic! ^_^


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